My husband makes everything worse.

amother

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:16 pm

I have multiple kids with adhd. They don't take anything seriously and make everything into a joke. The problem is that my husband is the exact same way and makes everything 100x worse. I literally can't take it anymore with him around. I've asked him a million times to stop turning everything into fun and games but he just won't stop, never makes the kids do anything they need to do (getting into pjs, brushing teeth, getting into bed, getting ready for the day etc.) And just jokes around with them and they never listen to me because they see he's making a joke out of it. Its so frustrating already and I'm so done

amother

Broom

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:30 pm

That does sound very frustrating. My husband does the same, not not to such a n extent. So I can sorta understand.

Can you try letting him do the routines? It will be a domino effect. When they don't get ready for bed on time, they'll go to bed late. Once they go to bed late, it will be harder for them to wake in the morning, making morning routine harder. It's not a real solution, but just so he realizes the consequences of his actions.

amother

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:33 pm

amother Broom wrote:

That's what happens but I'm left to deal with them in the morning. And then they're grumpier from going to bed too late.
Hes yet to realize the consequences and even when he does he'll never realize it in the moment and keep making them more hyper and forming everything into a game

amother

Broom

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:40 pm

Fair enough. So if he does bedtime late, then he has to do morning routine too.

Or maybe it might work better for you if you asked him to please not be around at bedtime. It might be hard not to have help but it may be worth it in the long run.

amother

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:42 pm

amother Broom wrote:

I wish. Wouldn't be hard at all. Would make my life much easier actually. But then they'd never see him

amother

Lotus

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 7:49 pm

Send him out to take care of errands during bedtime. When he starts joking around, distract him with something else that urgently needs to be done at that time.

WhatFor

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 8:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

The problem is its not only bedtime. It's literally any time he needs to be serious. That was just insane example of many.

There's nothing inherently wrong with turning things into fun and games. It can often actually make things go faster than slower because kids are more motivated to do things.

The problem here seems to be that he's playing in ways that distract rather than reach the objective. You can try to jump in and add to the game but in a way that moves things along (let's see who can brush teeth the fastest)!

But you also said your DH is just like your kids which makes me wonder if he has ADHD (which tends to be genetic). If so, is he being treated for it? Because if he has untreated ADHD then that's probably the larger issue.

amother

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 4:42 am

WhatFor wrote:

Yes you got it correct with both your points. Fun and games can definitely be a good thing but like you said he is playing in ways that distract not help.
He does have adhd, it's not an issue in anything else but this area. He's BH a very successful person. It really doesn't affect him being functional