Sending children on errands

amother

OP ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 7:54 pm

If you live in a place where it's safe and have children who are of age to go, do you ask your kids to run errands for u?
If you do, how often?
And do you reward them for going?

My kids don't like running errands after school which I understand but on Sundays if I need something from a grocery a few short blocks away, I would ask them to go. DS10 always resists first but if I insist I need him to go, he asks if can buy himself a treat.
I'm just wondering if this is typical or an extra.
Thanks

amother

Red

Sun, May 19 2024, 7:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

My kids love going! I allow them to buy something $1.50 or under for themselves.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, May 19 2024, 8:01 pm

amother Red wrote:

My kids love going! I allow them to buy something $1.50 or under for themselves.

Oh giving a limit is a nice idea. Thanks

amother

Phlox

Sun, May 19 2024, 8:05 pm

My ds11 loves going (we also live near a grocery store). I think he feels big. My ds14 will go if I tell him I need it, but he's always busy with something and you can tell he's only doing it because he feels like he should, so I don't ask him unless it's something I really need. My ds16 used to be glad to go, but now is a teenager and has to dig his heels in because that's what teens do, right?

I think each kid is so different. At the end of the day, if I really need something and they're really not busy and I really don't have time to deal with it myself, I just say in a very no-nonsense voice, "Ooh, Chaim, I have a favor to ask of you, it doesn't need to happen right now but anytime in the next hour or so would be great...I ran out of breadcrumbs and I need it for dinner tonight. Let me know when you'd want to go, and I'll make sure to give you some cash to pay for it...Would now work? Or do you want to go in a little while?" And then I thank them a lot afterwards and often even at the table, "And thanks to Chaim, the meatballs are nice and soft...Did you hear he ran out to get me breadcrumbs today? It was a huge help, I really didn't have time and I didn't have a plan B for dinner..."

And when you ask, say it confidently and realizing that you're teaching them to do chessed and to think outside of themselves, which is one of the most important things you can teach them as a parent.

Hope that helps! And yes, it's hard to see them lazing around all day, or worse, complaining that they're bored, and you're running around like crazy and ask them to do one thing and you'd think you asked them to run a marathon...

ETA: And no, I don't bribe them to go. I want them to do it because it's a mitzvah. That doesn't mean I won't reward them after that fact, like if I happen to be baking something while they're out I might sneak them a taste "because they were such a big help, it was because of you I was able to make this" or something. Or if they ask me to help them with something later that normally I would'nt have time for, I'll stretch myself and tell them why...but that's a reward, not a bribe. It's not the expectation for each time they go. They're going because if their mother needs help, the right thing to do is to help.

giftedmom ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 8:18 pm

Sure I do! Sometimes they want to go and sometimes they’re not in the mood but if it’s something that’s really necessary they have to. Mostly this happens on Fridays.

amother

Quince

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:05 pm

My kids hate it except for one who enjoys it if a friend will go with her. They’re generally happy to help in the house, even bigger cleaning jobs or changing a babies diaper but they really don’t like going to the store for me so I don’t ask. If they want something for themselves on a day I’m not going then they have a choice of walking because Im not making a special trip but they usually choose to live without.

amother

Stoneblue

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:13 pm

Boro park: Ds 8 loves to go to the grocery down the block across the street

amother

Maroon

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:18 pm

This was the hardest part of moving away from BP, live now in TR.
Not even for myself, bh I have storage space I can buy 2 at a time but my kids miss going alone to the store!
Im sure though they all would've wanted to buy themselves a nosh or doughnut there every time though..

amother

Coffee

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:23 pm

My kids loooooove it! I don't have to bribe. I try to let them as much as possible to foster independence.

We live in a safe small town in Israel, so I won't say their ages and what I let them do, because NYers wouldn't understand. They aren't crossing roads by themselves until age 9 though, that's a rare Israeli law regarding children's independence, and I keep it and my kids know that.

amother

Diamond ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:24 pm

My 7 year old niece goes shopping by herself, and so do her neighbors that age. I cannot wrap my head around it. I guess you need to live in BP to understand it.

amother

Butterscotch

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:27 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

You can drive your kid to the store and wait in the car while they go in. I grew up in a suburb and my mother did that. I loved it and felt so independent.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:37 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

My 7 year old niece goes shopping by herself, and so do her neighbors that age. I cannot wrap my head around it. I guess you need to live in BP to understand it.

My 6 year old goes to the toy store himself. Last week I sent him to buy himself a new scooter.

amother

↑ Diamond ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:43 pm

giftedmom wrote:

My 6 year old goes to the toy store himself. Last week I sent him to buy himself a new scooter.

Wow, I cannot imagine sending a child that age shopping by themselves. I'd be terrified. My kids that age don't play outside unsupervised.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:47 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

Wow, I cannot imagine sending a child that age shopping by themselves. I'd be terrified. My kids that age don't play outside unsupervised.

It’s very healthy for their development to foster independence at a young age. Bh we live in a safe enough area where that’s possible.

amother

↑ Diamond

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:56 pm

giftedmom wrote:

It’s very healthy for their development to foster independence at a young age. Bh we live in a safe enough area where that’s possible.

You're not afraid that he'll wander off?

amother

Bluebell

Sun, May 19 2024, 11:57 pm

amother Butterscotch wrote:

You can drive your kid to the store and wait in the car while they go in. I grew up in a suburb and my mother did that. I loved it and felt so independent.

I do this! My kids love it!!
Saves me from putting on a wig (I don’t like going into store with snood)
And I don’t have to take my other kids out of the car…
They beg me to do this lol
And no they never ask for treats when I do the is and I don’t usually offer.

↑ giftedmom

Mon, May 20 2024, 12:07 am

amother Diamond wrote:

You're not afraid that he'll wander off?

Not one bit. He doesn’t wander.