How would a gentle parent handle this?

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:57 pm

I went through the whole nighttime routine with my almost 3 year old. Gave her notice that it's bedtime soon. Got her into PJs, read her a book, gave her a snack, bathroom stuff, sang Shema and Hamalach, kissed her, tucked her in, and then of course it's "I don't want to go to bed!" and popping out of bed. It's already past her bedtime. I don't want her out and about now, I don't have time for a whole gentle conversation about her feelings and why bedtime is important and sleep is important etc. Been there, done that. Now it's bedtime.

How would someone who believes in gentle parenting handle this?

lilytee

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:03 pm

Pick her up and put her into bed while saying 'it's bedtime now and you need your sleep. I will carry you to bed if I need to'
And a kiss good night.

It will take five to ten times.

Be firm with no emotions attached.

Good luck

amother

Heather

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:04 pm

"sorry but now it's bedtime. I know you don't know want to go but it's time. Would you like me to leave your door open? If you stay in bed I will, otherwise I will have to close it." Natural consequences. I also offer healthy snacks like cucumbers or apples in bed and my kids love jt

giftedmom

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:05 pm

Yes well gentle parents by definition have endless time and patience for these conversations and if they don’t they are gentle with themselves and have these conversations with themselves about why they don’t. Have you followed any accounts at all or what?

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:07 pm

lilytee wrote:

I've done the "pick her up and put her back in bed" thing. I'm not joking, we did it 70 times in a row one time. I put her in, she immediately rolled back out. Over and over again.

I'm stubborn enough to just keep at it, so by time number 70 she was worn out enough to listen to me and I was able to redirect her and she stayed in after that. I would do it again as needed. But I'm looking for a more efficient technique cuz both of us were exhausted after that. Smile

amother

Honeydew

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

I would snap so never tried it.
But in theory I would do this for a few nights and I think it would stop after that.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:10 pm

giftedmom wrote:

I'm confused over whether this is sarcastic or not. How does a busy parent and wife have endless time. I have other kids and other tasks I have to take care of.

I have not followed any accounts because anytime I tried I got irritated by them and none of it resonated with me. I don't believe in the official gentle parenting myself. I am willing to impose consequences as necessary (lovingly, but strictly). But I am willing to hear what others have to say and see if there's something I can implement, and mostly I'm just curious how a gentle parent would handle a situation like this.

amother

Cherry

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:12 pm

lilytee wrote:

This is authoritative parenting.

Gentle parenting would be like:
You don’t want to sleep? Oh I’m so sorry I triggered you! I didn’t mean to make you sad! Oh you want mommy to sleep on your bedroom rug all night? That’s a reasonable request! Let me go grab my pillow!

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:12 pm

amother Heather wrote:

We've tried the open door natural consequence as well, with mixed results. If she's tired enough, and just needs a drop of motivation to stay in bed long enough for sleep to take her over, this works. Other times, it's not enough motivation for her and she pops out anyway. So I'm looking for more ideas to try. Thanks!

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:13 pm

amother Cherry wrote:

amother

Latte

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:24 pm

Would a visual cue help remind her? For my kids getting a red light/green light clock made a major difference. They were able to clearly see and understand when to stay in the room and when they could come out (bathroom trips and water breaks aside!). Red light = bed time, green light = come out to play.

giftedmom

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

You answered your own question and so did I. I have no idea how any Frum mother has this much time and I suspect they don’t. The biggest gentle parenting accounts I’ve seen have max 3 kids and one has a nanny.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:06 pm

amother Latte wrote:

We have such a clock. She's so used to its presence in her room it's like she doesn't register it anymore.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:06 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Ah gotcha. Right.

amother

Plum

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:10 pm

Me personally I bring out the super strict voice when it comes to bedtime.

What about if you stay in bed I put a sticker under your pillow for you to find in the morning

amother

Ginger

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:16 pm

I don’t know if this passes as gentle parenting. Close all the lights in the house. Say everybody is going to their rooms to go to sleep including mommy and daddy. If you want mommy or daddy to take you to bed , read a book or whatever you do, now’s the chance , otherwise , mommy is tired and is going to sleep.

mha3484

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:20 pm

Whenever I have that level of resistance I ask myself are they really tired yet and I take a 20-30 min break, tell them they can play quietly and I do what I need to. When I come back most of the time they are ready to go to sleep.

I dont call myself a gentle parent but my goal is to avoid power struggles I cant win.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:29 pm

mha3484 wrote:

What about when it's every single night. It's just become her thing, to try to get out of bedtime. Either it's "I'm hungry!" or it's "I don't want to go to bed!" She's not hungry, and she's more than ready for bed. But bed is boring, so...

amother

Topaz

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:34 pm

amother Heather wrote:

Omg are you me?? I literally do both those things...the door and snack...only I give sliced apple not cucumbers lol

mha3484

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:39 pm

If it happens every night, Id try an experiment with a later bedtime and see if they just were not tired. I view behavior as communication. My experience has been when mine are acting in crazy ways they are trying to express something they don't know how to tell us.