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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Sat, May 04 2024, 10:03 pm
| dena613 wrote: | | Kol hakavod OP! May you have continued nachas from your children and yourself. I am not being sarcastic. may you have tremendous Hatzlacha. |
Amein!!!!
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:06 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I didnt tell him off I just asked nicely for him to lower his voice
His hearing is fine hes just a boy who cant stop talking and singing loudly |
Criticizing how he speaks constantly is going to take a toll on him. It’s not necessary and is hurting him.
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:08 pm
| amother Black wrote: | | Criticizing how he speaks constantly is going to take a toll on him. It’s not necessary and is hurting him. |
Can you please lower your voice is not criticizing
Theres no need to nitpick. Im not high on my horse I do constantly take parenting classes and read parenting books
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:08 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Im not judging anyone. Not at all.
You cant deny that it feels good when someones tells you how good your kids are and how well you parent (when last year was a disaster) |
Absolutely it feels good but to post about it and brag is a bit much . Do u need our validation is that why you posted?
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:09 pm
| amother Aqua wrote: | | Absolutely it feels good but to post about it and brag is a bit much . Do u need our validation is that why you posted? |
Does there always have to be a reason?
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:11 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Can you please lower your voice is not criticizing
Theres no need to nitpick. Im not high on my horse I do constantly take parenting classes and read parenting books |
I’m just letting you know it is criticizing and hurting him. And it’s best not to police things that aren’t important, this is just a nuisance to you and it’s unnecessary to keep saying it to him. He probably finds it hypocritical that you say lower your voice but not stop hitting to his brother. Hitting is terrible. Using a loud voice is not. I’m just concerned for him. He’s likely hurting.
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:13 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Does there always have to be a reason? |
Yes we do things for a reason. Having self awareness can only make you a better mother
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:19 pm
| amother Black wrote: | | I’m just letting you know it is criticizing and hurting him. And it’s best not to police things that aren’t important, this is just a nuisance to you and it’s unnecessary to keep saying it to him. He probably finds it hypocritical that you say lower your voice but not stop hitting to his brother. Hitting is terrible. Using a loud voice is not. I’m just concerned for him. He’s likely hurting. |
My 3 year old hits my 5 year old and my 5 year old hits back I separate them and calm both of them down and try to help both of them and validate whoever needed to be validated and give a lot of hugs. I also try to give them a lot of love so the fighting wont be needed to get my attention
I dont ignore
When I was very little I was sent to my room ( I dont remember why but I probably hit my little brother) and I was bawling my eyes out. a minute later I came out desperately needing a hug but I was just sent back to my room because I wasnt told I can come out yet. Punishing is not the way to do it now that im a parent Im doing things differently....
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:21 pm
| amother Aqua wrote: | | Yes we do things for a reason. Having self awareness can only make you a better mother |
you live and learn re imamother people but not everything needs a reason
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 10:59 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Im not judging anyone. Not at all.
You cant deny that it feels good when someones tells you how good your kids are and how well you parent (when last year was a disaster) |
And what about when you do perfect parenting and you (general you) have very challenging children who are still not well behaved despite all your efforts?
Feel good about the work you do on yourself, such as controlling your temper, or improving in patience.
But just don't take any credit for the outcome. Take it from experienced mommies!
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 11:03 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Does there always have to be a reason? |
Didn’t you literally say that every behavior has a reason
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 11:23 pm
| amother Kiwi wrote: | | Didn’t you literally say that every behavior has a reason |
Theres always a reason why a kid is acting in a certain way and instead of right away telling them off we try to figure out why
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 11:28 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Theres always a reason why a kid is acting in a certain way and instead of right away telling them off we try to figure out why | none argues that there is a reason why we all act in a certain way. It's not reserved for *gentle parenting*. It's a little bit resembling rabbi Nachman and all his likutei Moharan book. It's amazing to try to be patient and understand the underlying cause of behavior. However, the point of *punishment* or consequences is not to disregard the internal reasons. People do have yetzer hara. It's a fact. If someone thinks that punishment is not a way to teach or there is no room for punishment at all in parenting --great. What you were asked by some people here was 1. Make sure all ur kids are safe around each other. 2. Make sure other people are safe around your kids. Also, sounds that your kids are very small, when you become naturally older, I think most women start parenting their younger kids much less tougher than the "first batch". Rebetzin spetner, Sara Chana Radcliffe,also talk about 80/20 rule, trying to keep interactions with kids at max 20 percent negative vs 80 percent positive per day (I think ideal to be 100 positive is simply unreachable for the women and will put strain on their mental health). Like *gentle * or *respectful* parenting did not invent idea of validating emotions or being mostly positive with kids....
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 11:31 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Theres always a reason why a kid is acting in a certain way and instead of right away telling them off we try to figure out why |
But then you say we shouldn’t try to figure out your reason.
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amother
Lily
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Sat, May 04 2024, 11:34 pm
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I think that there are many ways to parent properly and gentle parenting doesn't have the monopoly.
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amother
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Sat, May 04 2024, 11:40 pm
| amother Navyblue wrote: | | none argues that there is a reason why we all act in a certain way. It's not reserved for *gentle parenting*. It's a little bit resembling rabbi Nachman and all his likutei Moharan book. It's amazing to try to be patient and understand the underlying cause of behavior. However, the point of *punishment* or consequences is not to disregard the internal reasons. People do have yetzer hara. It's a fact. If someone thinks that punishment is not a way to teach or there is no room for punishment at all in parenting --great. What you were asked by some people here was 1. Make sure all ur kids are safe around each other. 2. Make sure other people are safe around your kids. Also, sounds that your kids are very small, when you become naturally older, I think most women start parenting their younger kids much less tougher than the "first batch". Rebetzin spetner, Sara Chana Radcliffe,also talk about 80/20 rule, trying to keep interactions with kids at max 20 percent negative vs 80 percent positive per day. Like *gentle * or *respectful* parenting did not invent idea of validating emotions or being mostly positive with kids.... |
Of course
100 percent
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amother
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Sun, May 05 2024, 12:30 am
| amother OP wrote: | Can you please lower your voice is not criticizing
Theres no need to nitpick. Im not high on my horse I do constantly take parenting classes and read parenting books |
If a child talks loudly by nature, constantly telling them to lower their voice, is criticism as well as degrading. It's not their fault, there's nothing they can do about it & this is something you as a mother need to work on to tolerate.
My son loves to sing & sings loudly allthe time. I'd never ask him to lower his voice just because I can't tolerate it. It's not his problem, he's allowed to sing at home.
(Maybe take your son for an ENT evaluation. One of my kids also had that they spoke loudly, she ended up getting tubed in her ears for fluid build up.)
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amother
Hyacinth
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Sun, May 05 2024, 1:29 am
OP, I feel bad for all the flak you're getting.
I wish I can implement some of these methods. Instead of yelling at my kids explain patiently why their behavior is wrong. I get angered so easily and I wonder if I can even do this.
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amother
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Sun, May 05 2024, 11:15 am
| amother Hyacinth wrote: | OP, I feel bad for all the flak you're getting.
I wish I can implement some of these methods. Instead of yelling at my kids explain patiently why their behavior is wrong. I get angered so easily and I wonder if I can even do this. |
Thanks it's really hard for me but I tell myself it's not their fault that I'm tired or hungry or don't have patience to deal with this now.... Sometimes I also leave to take a walk around the block
But we're not perfect I still do yell at my kids sometimes
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