5 year old laughts when told off/ punished/siblings get hurt

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:21 pm

My 5 year old is a bright and happy child.
He also loves to challenge me, test his boundaries and gets a thrill of doing 'dangerous stuff'.
My problem is when I have to punish him or tell him off, his reaction is always laughing. Hysterically.
It's as if he enjoys it. He gets plenty positive attention, so I doubt he's after the negative attention.
Same is when his siblings get hurt, whether by him, or accidently. It's always a big scoffing laugh. Obviously that does not go down well with them and that gets followed by more mocking laughter.
Any advice, perspective appreciated.
Thanks!

Comptroller

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:27 pm

Laughing often is really a nervous reaction. It does not automatically mean he finds it funny.

It could mean he is uncomfortable or afraid and he wants to cover it with laughing.

Last edited by Comptroller on Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:28 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

What does punishment look like? Scolding by itself is not so useful.

Alone time, withholding treats

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:35 pm

Comptroller wrote:

Laughing often is really a nervous reaction. It does not automatically mean he finds it funny.

It could mean he is uncomfortable or afraid and he wants to cover it with laughing.

Could be, but do I just let it go?
I mean his siblings obviously get super angry at him

amother

Offwhite ↓

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 4:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Could be, but do I just let it go?
I mean his siblings obviously get super angry at him

One of my kids was like this when younger. He is now a teenager and a real mensch, B"H.

What did we do? We didn't ignore it. We talked to him about it, in private, not while it was happening or right after it happened. We talked about different reasons why people might laugh in this situation (including as another poster wrote above -- nervousness or embarassment). And we talked about how it makes other people feel, and what you can do if you laugh by accident to try to do some damage control. I honestly don't remember all the details, but I think it ended up being good for our relationship, not bad, in the end.

He also used to clam up very easily, when he felt accused or when there were high emotions around him. Do you find that with your son too?

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 4:06 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

Thanks will try talking to him in private.
He doesn't clam up when accused, outright lies.
But gets anxious in crowds

amother

↑ Offwhite

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 4:10 pm

Hatzlacha! Note that it wasn't a "one and done" conversation. It continued for a while afterwards, and we reminded him when we saw it happen after the conversation, usually by whispering in his ear or talking to his sibling instead of to him: "I know, it looks like he's laughing because you got hurt. Sometimes people laugh when they're feeling very different things. Hopefully he'll be able to explain it if we give him some space." And then I'd give the sibling the sympathy it looked like they needed.

We approached it as "something he struggles with and needs help with," as opposed to "something awful that he does." I think that helped.