A PKL adventure | Imamother

amother

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Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:36 pm

I wanted to title this as a PSA regarding yeshiva bochurim and their concept of time.

But in the past, people have told me that I'm describing my son, and that not all bochurim are the same. (I KNOW that. I can see from my own bochurim that they are different. )
And yet enough people have commented that their sons are similar to mine and they relate to some of my PSAs. So take this as a PSA in case you have a bochur (or any teen) that's similar. If not, just take it as it is- my personal little adventure story. So here goes:

My son's yeshiva made a siyum-slash- dinner- slash-melava malka- slash- fundraiser on Motzaei Shabbos. In short, an all-purpose party, to which all parents and nachas sheppers were invited.

Since we live in another state far away, the only way to make it to the Melava Malka was to stay in the area over Shabbos.

Fortunately, my parents live in the same general area as the yeshiva so we made plans to stay there for Shabbos. Other local family members would be there as well, so it would be a fun, lebedik meal.

We wanted my son (henceforth to be referred to as YB for Yeshiva bochur) to join us for Shabbos as well, but YB was reluctant to leave yeshiva and all his chavrusas. (He's pretty hard core, you see.) So he offered to come to the meal Friday night and he would walk back to yeshiva afterward.

What? I said, you're going to walk 45 minutes to yeshiva alone at night?

35 minutes, he corrected me politely.

What 35 minutes? I said, less politely. It's at least 45 minutes, maybe even more.

35 minutes, said he. I've done it before.

Really? I said, still skeptical. I thought it was much further. But ok, if you say it's only 35 minutes, maybe Totty and I will walk you back.

He said there's no need, really, he can walk alone. But I said that I don't like the idea of him walking alone in the dark, and we won't mind the walk.

And so it was settled. He would come before Shabbos by car, daven and eat the meal with us and then we will walk him back to Yeshiva.

On Friday afternoon, my husband informed me that according to the GPS, the distance between my parent's house and the yeshiva was 3.3 miles. So there's no way the walk will take 35 minutes. More like an hour, at least. I told him that I don't know what our son is thinking but he was pretty sure it only takes 35 minutes. Maybe the GPS is only calculating by direct roads. Maybe YB knows some shortcuts.

Whatever. We would figure it out. After all, we were on "vacation," so we weren't in a rush.

So Shabbos arrived. We enjoyed a beautiful meal with family and food. During dessert somebody asked how YB was getting back.
I said that according to our dear YB, it will only take us 35 minutes, so we decided to walk him.
My niece was like, Haha... 35 minutes? YB has a very cute imagination. The walk is minimum an hour, maybe closer to an hour and 15 minutes just to get to the yeshiva.

YB insisted that it takes 35 minutes, and he doesn't need anyone to walk him either. He totally didn't mind walking alone. My husband and I insisted that we will walk him, as we didn't feel comfortable with him walking alone at night. My brother insisted that it will be 35 minutes in our DREAMS and we were looking at a minimum of 2 hours, round trip. My mother insisted that YB take a reflector. He insisted that he doesn't need one. I insisted that he did. My father insisted that he needs to take his coat. YB insisted that it's too warm outside and he will be sweating if he takes his coat. So I insisted that at least he take his scarf, which he did. All along, everyone is insisting that the walk will take us at least 2 hours and we should have him sleep over.

In short, everyone did a whole lot of insisting, but we finally left wearing reflectors, 2 coats (for dh and me) and one scarf (for YB).

We started our walk at a steady pace. The weather was great and not too cold which was a bonus. At 35 minutes we were about halfway there.

So, YB, I said...35 minutes?
Well, he said, if I was walking myself, it would take 35 minutes. Straight face and all.
Aha. So his middle-aged parents are slowing him down.

We kept walking and that's when I found out that we weren't actually going to the yeshiva, but to his rebbe's house who was hosting an oneg there. The rebbe's house was just a "little bit" further than the yeshiva.

Up and down hills, cutting through the back of a yeshiva and a shul, through parks, over highways, under tunnels, through busy streets and quiet streets. Finally, after one hour and 10 minutes, we finally stopped in front of a house.
This is it? I asked.

No. Of course not.
YB shows us to a path on the side of the house. It was a shortcut that went up a steep incline, at about a 45-degree angle. It was like one of those trails you see when hiking in the woods, strewn with twisted roots and branches and rocks.

Fortunately the path was well lit and there was a wooden banister of sorts that someone had thoughtfully provided.

I took a deep breath and started climbing up the path, pulling myself up while holding onto the railing for dear life. I felt like I was starring in some gritty movie. Me, in my Shabbos clothes and shaitel, and wearing a heavy coat, pulling myself up this crazy rocky trail, step by treacherous step. The ground was wet in some places and our shoes kept sinking in the mud. But I didn’t care about that. I was too busy concentrating on making it up the path without falling. And it kept going and going and going, twisting up the steep hill.

The whole time I'm thinking, this is just a comedy. What a story I will have when I come back! The situation was so ridiculous that all I could do was laugh.

We made it up, all of us intact. Baruch Hashem. And then the rebbe's house was right there. We were able to see through the windows that all the bochurim were there already and the rebbe was in middle of talking. We quickly said goodbye to YB and he went in.

Then, we stood there on the deserted street and realized we had no idea where we were. It was Friday night, we had no phones, there were no cars or people on the road, and we were a long way from home. Now what?

I suggested to my husband that we should just retrace our steps, but he said no way was he going down that steep path. We needed to find a normal way to go back, like two normal people, not hikers in the woods. But we didn't know which way to go. We didn’t know which street we were on, or which direction to go to get to a main road.

I didn't want to knock on the rebbe's door because I knew it would embarrass my son. So, we went to the house next door and knocked there. We figured, it's Friday night people are home.
No answer.

We tried the house across the street, but as I lifted my hand to knock, I realized there was no mezuza.
Finally, the next door was opened by a frum woman in a snood and robe. Bingo.

After 3 minutes of playing the requisite game of Jewish Geography (in which we discovered at least 8 people we knew in common) she gave us directions to get back to my parents' house.

And then we started the long trek home. And it was a looooong trek.
By the time we got home, we had been gone for about 3 hours and 20 minutes.

Every bone and muscle was aching. I am not exactly very in shape, and I could barely remember the last time I walked more than 15 minutes at a time. And now I had walked a marathon. In a weird way, it felt good. Especially once I was home:)

I continued to feel every one of my 248 limbs and 365 sinews for the rest of Shabbos and beyond. It was a great reminder that I'm alive and well, and also that yeshiva bochurim have a cute imagination when it comes to time.

BH, we shepped a lot of nachas from our son the next night at his siyum. The Rosh Yeshiva talked about how some boys are in Beis medresh learning until 3 am while others arrive at 5. I'm not sure if his sense of time is more grounded in reality than my son's, but it sounded good.

So that's my PSA, in case it's relevant to you. When bochurim talk about time, their concept of time may be slightly different than yours. Beware.
You're welcome.