To g o to the wedding or not?

amother ↓

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 3:26 pm

our friends are making a chasana tonight.We did send back the cards that we are coming.
I am not in the mood of going since I don't have what to wear.
Is it a terrible thing not to go after they got the card from us?
What will I tell her tomorrow when she calls me?
Please I need a good smart advice!

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 3:28 pm

it depends what type of wedding it is and how they arrange the food.

I would think its like arranging to go out with some friends to eat and tellin them to order your meal in advance which they do and then you never show up to eat it, and then they have to pay for it anyway.

DefyGravity

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 3:31 pm

It's very rude to not attend a wedding after already RSVP-ing to say that you are attending.
The entire point of having people send in response cards is to get an exact number b/c caterers charge a lot per head.

Just wear a nice outfit, you don't have to wear something super-fancy.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 3:31 pm

I really dont think its fair not to go because you dont have what to wear. Just put on a shabbos outfit. I am sure your friend wont notice what you are wearing she will just be happy you came.

EsaEinai

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 3:39 pm

I can definitely relate to not wanting to go to a wedding, especially if youre not in the mood and you cant find anything to wear. while it makes sense from your end not to go now, how will you feel about it in a few weeks from now? will you regret missing a friend's wedding? moods can change, maybe youll get yourself in the mood and have a good time after all?

as others have mentioned above, its also important to consider the financial loss you may cause the chasson and kallah. weddings really are expensive. if you cant bring yourself to attend the whole wedding, maybe you can atleast go for part of the time (including the meal and a little dancing) so the money wasnt wasted?

its a big mitzvah be m'sameyach chasson v'kallah. if its hard for you to do it, imagine the schar youll get for it. l'foom tzara agra. I hope Hashem gives you the clarity to make the right decision.

chen

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 5:36 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Quite. I am still steaming 25 years later at the 30-plus people who told me they'd come to my wedding and didn't show, which translated into about $1000 down the drain for no good reason. this is 1980's dollars we're talking about, not 2007 dollars. Had I known those people wouldn't show, there were plenty of other ppl we could have invited.

believe me, I have no recollection what anyone wore to the wedding, but I remember exactly who stood me up.

Raisin ↓

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 6:06 pm

chen wrote:

believe me, I have no recollection what anyone wore to the wedding, but I remember exactly who stood me up.

They were probably wearing polka dots and sailor dresses. And princess diana haircuts (shudder)

Anyone would think weddings were torture sessions, from this discussion. Am I the only person who actually enjoys them? Confused

And to think the hostess and host are spending who knows how much a head for you.

shalhevet

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 6:08 pm

Why are you going to the wedding? So that everyone will admire your clothes or to do chessed with other people?

I can't judge because maybe you only can afford a nightdress or a housecoat and I agree that if that's the case you would probably feel uncomfortable. But if you have other clothes then you should go.

Think of it the other way around - how would you feel if you invited friends to a simcha, they replied that they were coming and then never showed up. Then when you met them they stammered some feeble excuse?

Go, have a great time, and only simchas by you. Very Happy

shoshb

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 6:10 pm

Quote:

They were probably wearing polka dots and sailor dresses. And princess diana haircuts (shudder)

And big earrings and puffy sleeves

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 7:19 pm

Go! What will you say to her if you don't show up?, then you'll try to avoid her,it will go on and on....... Just go and enjoy! You'll feel worse later if you don't go.

ChavieK

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 7:51 pm

Also the the people making the simcha usualy put a lot of time & effort into the seating. You know what it is like when you show up to a simcha & there are empty seats at the table. Who sits where? who sits next to noone? maybe you were the only person s/o else at the tble knows at the wedding.

greenfire ↓

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 10:04 pm

how hard is it to go ... you are friends right ... that is what matters ... run at least to say mazal tov and see them in their glory ...

hey and people wonder how I could show up at a wedding forgetting to rsvp ... I always say so many don't show and it balances out ...

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 10:11 pm

So its still not too late to go...
And if you go, you'll REALLY get the mitzva of Misameach Chatan V'kalla bec you not in the mood. Not that those of us in the mood get less of a mitzva but you'll really really get a great big mitzva for that! Very Happy

GO!!!

And yes, anything goes as far as dress, and mostly everyone is worried about how they look, not you! ...unless you look better than them Wink

... but then they'll still be worried about how they look. LOL

Let us know what happened!