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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
flowerpower
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 Fri, Jun 07 2024, 10:51 am
Lotsa women wear hoodies
Lotsa kids don’t match their siblings
Lotsa people shop at Target Ali H and M and Old Navy
Lotsa kids have messy hair
Lotsa people are nice and friendly
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InnerMe
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 11:05 am
It's true that some of these posts are exaggerations
It's also true that there definitely is pressure to present yourself and your kids as meticulously clean, perfect, and well dressed at all times. Many aren't probably even aware because it's so ingrained in our culture (especially the more Hungarian chassidesen)
There are people that disregard that pressure. Or don't even notice the pressure to begin with. Or maybe their mother didnt care either so that's the norm for them.
But for some people it's hard to do that
Plus even those who look all perfect and their kids are always in brand names can be wonderful people too. Some people enjoy that but don't look down at others who don't.
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amother
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 2:03 pm
| amother DarkCyan wrote: | | And what about your house being perfectly clean at all times? The goytas cleaning windows.... |
A [gentile woman]? Is that like a goiter ?
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flowerpower
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 2:17 pm
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The challah myth- why are all the bakeries in BP selling challah every Friday? If everyone bakes challah who does the bought challah go to?
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amother
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 2:53 pm
I’m from not BP and live now in BP.
These are definitely social norms.
That doesn’t mean everyone does them.
But they’re norms.
And OP can pick and choose what she wants to do based on her preferences and how much she wants to fit in.
I would have appreciated some of this spelled out so I think it was a good list.
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amother
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 2:58 pm
How out of town are you?
Kids in BP wear Shabbos shoes (separate from their weekday shoes) at a young age, around 3/4.
They won’t wear sneakers on Shabbos. If moms don’t want their shoes ruined they wear natives/floafers while playing outside.
Most girls don’t wear sneakers with their uniforms (until the last couple of years when trendy sneakers for HS is “in”), dark colored loafers are usually worn.
Kids who are even older usually have separate “nicer” Shabbos coat.
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amother
Whitesmoke
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 3:02 pm
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I’m so curious why someone would move to BP from an OOT BT community!
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amother
Freesia
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 3:16 pm
| amother Mistyrose wrote: | Ohhhh, you're about to have a huge culture shock.
As someone who escaped BP, let me tell you. You can't get anymore in town snobbiness like you get in BP. Sure, some people are great, there are a lot of organizations and chessed, bla bla bla. The truth is though, it's a judgy place. People will think less of you if your kids are mismatched and if you don't look just so.
So gear up, it's gonna be a tough few weeks till you learn the ins.
Sending loads of love! Hope you settle in soon. |
Are you always so nice?
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Cheiny
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 3:19 pm
| amother Caramel wrote: | | Did you walk the streets of BP recently?? There is so much color out there especially in the summer |
Yup. I’ve had the same experience every single time. Others have as well.
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flowerpower
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 4:36 pm
| Cheiny wrote: | | Yup. I’ve had the same experience every single time. Others have as well. |
Well, I guess you’re passing by shomer shabbos marriv time and confuse men/women. Most people are already wearing light colored clothes since its warm out. Chambray denim light green and white….
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amother
Sunflower
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 5:11 pm
I am living in BP for over two decades bh. Most of the list is for the chassidiah people. BP is a huge community with every type in there with all kinds of schools. Curly payos is a social norm? Tights in nursery? No pre 1a? These are for very chassidish people.
Neat and clean is completely different. And I bh bake my own challos but there are tens of bakeries that sells thousands of loaves of challah a week. Puhleeze!!!
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amother
Watermelon
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 5:22 pm
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amother
Brown
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 6:14 pm
Huh? Flatbush is completely different than BP. It's very chilled and even OOT feel at this point. Everyone wears and does whatever they want, no judgment.
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amother
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Fri, Jun 07 2024, 6:15 pm
| Cheiny wrote: | | Yup. I’ve had the same experience every single time. Others have as well. |
Please visit the streets of BP again, there is all colors, prints and styles
Stand on 13th Ave in Sunday! It'll be a beautiful scene!
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amother
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Sat, Jun 08 2024, 10:10 pm
Welcome,
I hope you will be happy here.
I am born and bred here and not young, so I know the ins and outs.
To all those who say there are many who don't follow the social norms, you are right. What you left out is that you wont be considered norm. So keep that in mind.
I am very normal, my family is "normal", and my kids are in great schools bh.
But no, I don't follow the "norms", because many are just not who I am!
I buy in carters and childrens place. Yes. And yes people laugh at me. A couple of years ago I mentioned that I was getting a light blue blanket as a baby gift and I was almost beheaded, as I was told babies today don't wear light blue, they wear grey. OH I beg your pardon (btw , by now blue is acceptable again thank god. )I buy blue because I LIKE light colors on babies. especially light blue and light pink. so I really don't care if all my neighbors choose grey and black and brown. OK?
Now to add to the list of norms:
1. Never smile to a strangers child , or even to a neighbor. The mother will look at you like youre a child molestor, and will pull their child close.
2. Never play with your kids in public. And probably not in private either.
My neighbor once saw me playing cars with my kids in the dining room and she asked if I was doing play therapy. LOL . No, I was playing with my kids.
3. Never laugh or giggle in public (as a woman, not kids), not even to giggle with your kids. Keep a serious face at all times, as it makes you look so much more dignified.
4. Never offer to help someone, as they will look at you with scorn and will also take offense that you think they need help.
5. never use a baby carrier, even if that's the only way your baby is calm. Even if you love it. Better to walk with a screaming baby.
6. Never be authentic when something is challenging or difficult. You are perfect. It's all bashert. Even if ou live in a one bedroom apartment with 14 kids and an outhouse. Very important for everyone to know what a tzadeikis you are.
These are only some small tips. If you'd like more I can definitely continue on a little later.
Enjoy the wonderful town you now call home!
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amother
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Sat, Jun 08 2024, 10:36 pm
| amother Blush wrote: | Welcome,
I hope you will be happy here.
I am born and bred here and not young, so I know the ins and outs.
To all those who say there are many who don't follow the social norms, you are right. What you left out is that you wont be considered norm. So keep that in mind.
I am very normal, my family is "normal", and my kids are in great schools bh.
But no, I don't follow the "norms", because many are just not who I am!
I buy in carters and childrens place. Yes. And yes people laugh at me. A couple of years ago I mentioned that I was getting a light blue blanket as a baby gift and I was almost beheaded, as I was told babies today don't wear light blue, they wear grey. OH I beg your pardon (btw , by now blue is acceptable again thank god. )I buy blue because I LIKE light colors on babies. especially light blue and light pink. so I really don't care if all my neighbors choose grey and black and brown. OK?
Now to add to the list of norms:
1. Never smile to a strangers child , or even to a neighbor. The mother will look at you like youre a child molestor, and will pull their child close.
2. Never play with your kids in public. And probably not in private either.
My neighbor once saw me playing cars with my kids in the dining room and she asked if I was doing play therapy. LOL . No, I was playing with my kids.
3. Never laugh or giggle in public (as a woman, not kids), not even to giggle with your kids. Keep a serious face at all times, as it makes you look so much more dignified.
4. Never offer to help someone, as they will look at you with scorn and will also take offense that you think they need help.
5. never use a baby carrier, even if that's the only way your baby is calm. Even if you love it. Better to walk with a screaming baby.
6. Never be authentic when something is challenging or difficult. You are perfect. It's all bashert. Even if ou live in a one bedroom apartment with 14 kids and an outhouse. Very important for everyone to know what a tzadeikis you are.
These are only some small tips. If you'd like more I can definitely continue on a little later.
Enjoy the wonderful town you now call home! |
Wow lol...on a serious note though, what is wrong with baby carriers?? They're so practical!
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amother
Seashell
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Sat, Jun 08 2024, 11:29 pm
| amother Blush wrote: | Good question. I guess it's not norm. Lol. I use it but I'm not norm.  |
You certainly don’t sound very happy or well-adjusted. Are you still there by choice?
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amother
Hibiscus
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Sat, Jun 08 2024, 11:31 pm
I think the main thing is the accent, no? Speaking English with the BP accent and sprinkling in some Yiddish words here and there.
As soon as you don't have the accent, it's clear that you are not one if them and may as well just do you.
Anyone who is snobby will snob you and anyone who is welcoming will do so regardless. No need to change who you are!
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amother
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 12:10 am
| amother Seagreen wrote: | I’m an OOTer who lives in BP now and this list is great.
Outside watching the kids, the moms often wear casual tops (light cute sweatshirt or a tshirt) and black Monte Carlo skirts. Light makeup. Birkenstocks are in now and can be worn outside as slipper/shoe.
Briefcases (what they call knapsacks) are usually classy, you can buy local (from say, Teachers Edition) to fit in. |
Do you have a link to the type of Birkenstocks you are referring to?
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