Those that are supposed to live simply, making fun of....

amother

Wheat

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:48 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I find this to be a concern.
They are dressed in the best clothes because they probably get from kollel vouchers which they don't pay for.
I would totally address it telling their parents and the girls ask well.

Stop bashing kollel families please!!!!!
I'm a kollel wife, my kids and myself are always put together and look nice. I don't have any vouchers or anything for free, nor do most kollel families I know.
We shop using my hard earned money from my work. Is that Ok with you or do I need to run my every purchase pass you and the judgy board of kollel haters to make sure it's kollel family appropriate?

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:51 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

It is the job of every frum mother to instill values into their kids.
Stop with the kollel.

And so much more if you are in kollel since chinuch and true Torah values is the hallmark of Torah scholars and their families. Yes, they are to be honored as such and with it comes responsibility!

Comptroller

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:52 am

amother OP wrote:

My girls never really cared much about their clothes and where we shop. Lately though, some neighbors (that are from kollel families) started mocking my girls that they're wearing last year's clothing & cheap clothing & they themselves are only wearing expensive clothing from expensive stores. My girls are really bothered by their comments & it's bothering me for various different reasons. They're hurting my girls and they're the one's that are supposed to be living a simple lifestyle yet are mocking those that do.
How can we get the comments to stop? What can my girls say to them?

You girls could mock their fashion addiction by playing scenes in front of them, where some snobby girls try to outdo each other with the most expensive clothes, and each time child A has a dress, child B has an even newer dress, so child A has to buy the newest dress, etc.

"I'm princess Alisa, and I just bought the newest, newest dress from my dressmaker"
"but my dress is even newer, and it cost 3'000$. It is made of pink silk"
"oh, pink silk is so yesteryear, I just gave last year's pink silk dress away for charity" etc.

I think, as opposed to the answers by prominent representatives of the kollel-community, this should be on opportunity for soul-searching, rather than "mind your own business".

Last edited by Comptroller on Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:55 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wheat

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:53 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

And so much more if you are in kollel since chinuch and true Torah values is the hallmark of Torah scholars and their families. Yes, they are to be honored as such and with it comes responsibility!

This is very black and white thinking.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:53 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I don't know if or care if they get vouchers. None of my business.
I do care that they boast that their mother only shops in expensive stores & that they belittle my kids for the clothes they wear & where we shop.
I do care that they've told my kids afew times that "my mother & father said that we are more frum than you are because our father learns in kollel."

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:53 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

And so much more if you are in kollel since chinuch and true Torah values is the hallmark of Torah scholars and their families. Yes, they are to be honored as such and with it comes responsibility!

No, because being a kollel family (which I am) is not a "lifestyle" nor is it a "responsibility" nor is it an "elite".
It is a BRACHA which I appreciate every day that my husband can learn. Hashem gave ME the Torah at Har Sinai and I have every right for MY husband to sit and learn whether you judge us well or not (and the judgement will simply look bad for YOU after 120).
You did not give me the Torah. Hashem did. You do not get to decide whether my husband is allowed to learn or not. Period.

chanatron1000

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:55 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

You're responding to something she never said.

There's certain behavior that befits a Talmid Chochom; that doesn't say anything about people being allowed to learn.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:56 am

chanatron1000 wrote:

You're responding to something she never said.

There's certain behavior that befits a Talmid Chochom; that doesn't say anything about people being allowed to learn.

I am a kollel family because my husband learns. Period. No other reason.
You want to start a board and judge every penny I spend and how I spend it. I mean... should I do that to you?

Comptroller

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:57 am

amother Wheat wrote:

It's not about meddling in what you or your family are wearing. This thread is about kollel-girls mocking other girls because they do NOT have the newest dress.

I don't think that this kind of behavior aligns with kollel values, but maybe that's just me. What do I know?

amother

Wheat

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:58 am

Comptroller wrote:

Mock their fashion addiction.

I think, as opposed to the answers by prominent representatives of the kollel-community, this should be on opportunity for soul-searching, rather than "mind your own business".

As part of the prominent representatives of kollel families, I can tell you that e each speak for ourselves and those other kollel families we know.
What this family does reflects zero on the behavior of kollel families as a whole, hence there is no soul searching for the klall necessary.
For some reason, OP has decided to pin the blame of some kids with bad middos straight onto the kollel community as a whole. How does this make sense? Imagine I were to tell you that my son's friends, all children of balebatim, don't let him join their games because his father doesn't make much money and we then discuss the behavior of communities where the men work. Would you say there's any soul searching to do?

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:59 am

Comptroller wrote:

You're confused here- the reason people were upset is because
1. OP said that kollel families are "Supposed" to be simpler. Because for some reason she thinks she decides what every frum jew is "Supposed" to do. Maybe she got smicha or something and is now the gadol hador?
2. She continuously brought up kollel instead of the bullies.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:59 am

amother Wheat wrote:

I'm not bashing and I have no skin in this race.
Acc. to this forum many kollel families get benefits for clothes and many times the latest season.
I am definitely not qualified to tell anyone of it's right or wrong.
I strongly react when girls off a Kollel family display such a bad behaviour.
Where is the chinuch?!

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:00 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I'll correct this for you:

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I'm not bashing and I have no skin in this race.
Acc. to this forum many kollel families get benefits for clothes and many times the latest season.
I am definitely not qualified to tell anyone of it's right or wrong.
I strongly react when girls off a FRUM JEWISHfamily display such a bad behaviour.
Where is the chinuch?!

There ya go

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:01 pm

amother Wheat wrote:

I am not pinning any blame on kollel communities as whole.
If you read my posts, you'd see that I'm talking about my neighbors. That the neighbors that are mocking & think they're superior, all happen to be kollel families.
This doesn't mean that I'm pinning the blame of kollel communities as whole. Though it is something to think about what's going on in certain circles.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:01 pm

Comptroller wrote:

Instead you hose to make this about kollel families from your very first post
"Dripping in diamonds'? Really? I'm sorry you had bad experience with any of us who behaved like that, no reason to continue bashing all of us as a whole.
We're discussing this one family, get with the program please.

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:01 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

While it's a bracha, it's also a privilege. And with that privilege comes responsibility. And while I agree with you that kollel isn't elitism (those who are kovei itim are equality elite), we promote that onto society as the elite path.

So if you're on that path, it's inconsequential if you personally view it as elite, since society as a whole does. And since it's considered the elite Torah path, it comes with the responsibility as projecting the true Torah lifestyle. If there are those in kollel who exude excessive gashmiyus, it's a contradiction to the true Torah lifestyle. It then raises the questions as it projects the wrong image.

With privilege comes responsibility.

amother

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:03 pm

amother Wheat wrote:

As I said several times, it's not just 1 family I'm talking about. It's unfortunately several families.

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:05 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

What is your beef here? Maybe they have grandparents who buy them clothes.

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

OMG, people who shop in expensive stores are sooo much better than those who don't. (eyeroll)
For sure, it says in the Torah that people who learn in Kollel are frummer than those who don't.

Usually I don't like snarkiness, but this sounds like self-defense.

chanatron1000

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:07 pm

amother Wheat wrote:

Imagine I were to tell you that my son's friends, all children of balebatim, don't let him join their games because his father doesn't make much money and we then discuss the behavior of communities where the men work. Would you say there's any soul searching to do?

I don't know about her, but I would say that.