I smacked my daughter. Hard. :( Update pg 19

amother

↑ Seashell ↓

Today at 12:42 am

amother Teal wrote:

What are you talking about?

Copied from chabad website:
Hitting a Parent
Negative Commandment 319
By Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon ("Maimonides"); translated by Berel Bell
From the Sichos in English Collection
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Negative Commandment 318
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Negative Commandment 320
The 319th prohibition is that we are forbidden from striking [either of] our parents.

For this prohibition, too, there is no specific verse written in the Torah. Only the punishment is written,1 "Whoever strikes one's father or mother shall be put to death." The derivation of the actual prohibition against striking his father is similar to that of cursing one's father, as we explained.2 In this case, prohibition 300, which forbids striking any Jew, includes [the prohibition of striking] one's father.

The Mechilta3 says, "The verse, 'Whoever strikes his father or mother,' tells us the punishment. What is the source of the actual prohibition? That comes from the verse4 [which speaks of lashing a transgressor], 'Do not go beyond the limit and give him forty lashes.' This verse teaches us a kal v'chomer:5 If even one who it is a mitzvah to strike, it is prohibited to strike him [beyond the limit], one who it is a mitzvah not to strike, certainly it is prohibited to strike."

One who transgresses this prohibition by intentionally striking his father or mother and causes bleeding, is punished by chenek [strangulation].

The details of this mitzvah are explained in the end of tractate Sanhedrin.6

↑ giftedmom

Today at 12:43 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

Her response to me is concerning. Im quite surprised that you are ok with potching as you understand the world of CPTSD.

Concerning how? I don’t potch as a discipline method. I don’t do much discipline/punishment in general. I used to, until I learned about CPTSD. But as a traumatized person I will not be mistreated or hurt by anyone, even my own children.

amother

↑ Teal

Today at 12:45 am

amother Seashell wrote:

This does NOT apply to young children.
This applies to adult children.

amother

↑ Aquamarine

Today at 1:15 am

amother OP wrote:

Okay, I'm not catching up, but here's my update:

Here's what followed.
The next morning as I was helping dd get ready for school I told her I was really sorry that I hurt her and once again told her how much I love her. And then I demanded an apology from her. At first she denied having done anything wrong, so we spoke about it and I asked her if she thinks pinching and lifting my skirt is okay. She smiled and said "I'm sorry." Then I spoke to her a little about waiting patiently.

I made an extra effort to hurry home from work so I can get dinner done before the kids got home so they have me fully present. I also prepared a plate of ready cut up apples on the table. When she walked through the door and noticed the plate she asked me "You prepared this special for me?" She was beaming! (She didn't even end up eating it, but it didn't even matter.)
I also tried to catch her in moments where she waited patiently and praised her.

.
I'm trying my best to move forward and not think much of the incident as I tend to get stuck in my guilt.
I grew up being hit a LOT. It did much damage to me. I remember promising myself that when I'll be a parent I will never ever hit. That didn't happen. I hit plenty and some. It was awful, because I knew the repercussions they had, but my thoughts and wishes were simply not in sync with my impulses. I deeply struggled at controlling my impulses and when I did hit my guilt was so strong, I'd often fall into a depression because of it. I knew I was messing up my kids but I simply didn't know how to help myself. It was living hell.
Fast forward a few years and I learned what meds and therapy are. I did a lot of inner work. Worked through lots of trauma. I've come an extremely long way. It's probably been over 2 years since I last hit a child. I'm proud of who I've become and try not to get sucked in by the mistakes I make.

I appreciate everyone's support and I did get to read many responses. I sincerely appreciate all of you who took the time to reply.

Good for you! and thanks for sharing your update.
You sounds like an amazing mom