It’s so hard- having Emunah

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 8:58 am

amother DarkGray wrote:

I relate to what you're saying.
I have a friend who has so many "rich people problems". She doesn't mean to be insensitive but I always leave our conversations thinking wistfully about what it would be like to have cleaning help, newer clothing (nothing crazy - just from this decade), vacations, liesure time for myself, extracurricular activities for the family etc.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about this specific topic and how to strengthen my emuna in this area. I hope you get some good suggestions here.

From one sister who's just hanging on to another Hug

Yup thanks for understanding. This friend is not “rich” by societal standards but she can afford things.

Thanks I really hope I get Emunah suggestions too.

Thanks for understanding and I hope you get help too

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 8:59 am

amother Rose wrote:

Oy, this is so hard op. I've been involved in emunah threads lately and it's interesting and revealing.

Like you, I was raised and taught believing that hashem is our father who we talk to. If we need something we ask for it. If we really need something we ask for it more, aka daven more and with more kavana.

I've noticed that the people davening more aren't the ones that don't get sick, don't struggle with Parnassa, don't have marital problems, and don't avoid tragedies. This bothered me. Shouldn't the people who daven and serve hashem more have better outcomes?

I've seen this question posed several time on this site. The answer is always the same. Emunah doesn't mean that hashem will fix the problem. It doesn't mean hashem will make it better. It means that hashem is giving you this nisoyon and it's best for you for reasons we don't understand.

I know this isn't what you want to hear. In living emunah books the person in your situation continues to have emunah and then finds a bag of gold. But I'm not sure it really works that way.

Unfortunately this has given me a crisis of faith. Like the op I always thought that davening more, saying more twhilim, and having things in mimd more will lead to better results. But I've seen time and time again here that people say hashem doesn't work like that and emunah means accepting that what hashem is doing is best for you even if you can't understand it.

Thanks for the support. Yes I am working to accept it. And yet I’m still davening for it to change. Does that mean I don’t fully accept it?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:04 am

amother Lilac wrote:

I found ‘garden of emunah’ to help
Me completely change my mindset

If this is more practical than you wanted I’m sorry

I recommend this instead of just saying ‘yeah, I know, been there’ I recommend what HELPED me feel better

B’hatzlacha

I actually do not relate to this Sefer at all. I learned/ learn many Emunah books, I listen to Emunah podcasts but I found Garden of Emunah to be something I couldn’t relate to. Not sure why. Thanks for trying though!

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:05 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for the support. Yes I am working to accept it. And yet I’m still davening for it to change. Does that mean I don’t fully accept it?

Not at all. You're human like the rest of us. That's why the concept of emunah never made sense to me.

On one hand we are told to believe that hashem is doing what's absolutely best for us in this world, however painful it is.

On the other hand we all beg hashem to change those "bad" situations. Nobody accepts that sickness, poverty, or lonliness is good. We all beg for change. So it doesn't make sense that we truly have emunah that what hashem is doing is good if we ask him to change it.

amother

Nutmeg

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:07 am

I didn't read all the replies, but I totally get you. My dh also makes about $50k and due to mental health issues he can't get a better job right now and I can't work full time. It is a difficult situation to be in. My amazing mother gifted me most of the money to buy a new sheitel a year ago.
I try to just live in the present, focus on being a good mother and wife, and make peace with this is just the way things are.
Hugs. It is so hard and other people don't always get it.
To be fair, I have 2 friends who goes to Fl for free, but not many people know and think they pay for it.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:16 am

amother Nutmeg wrote:

Thanks for this! I I try very much to be grateful for every single thing. The ability to walk unassisted, eat, have family etc. is not a joke. It gets hard at the times when I sit down to budget or I hear about a friends new Sheitel or whatever. But I’m working hard on myself

amother

Lemon ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:19 am

amother Rose wrote:

That’s not true . Emunah means we believe that hashem WILL give us what we ask for . He can and will. In the meantime we are ok with what we have and understand it’s good, but we don’t say, ok hashem just doesn’t want me to have this. No, he does . He’s just waiting for us to believe in Him so He can send it . I suggest you and OP listen to Michael Safdie on WhatsApp, he explains it better than me

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:21 am

amother Lemon wrote:

I DO listen to Michael Safdie. Every single day.
What you’re saying is very upsetting. I believe in Hashem. I have been believing for 12 years. Believing that Hashem will make it better and I have seen times where Hashem has come through. I also have seen times where He “has not”. So you’re saying I don’t believe in Hashem enough?

amother

↑ Lemon ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:50 am

amother OP wrote:

I was talking to the other poster

amother

↑ Silver ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 9:53 am

amother Lemon wrote:

I don't think so at all

That would mean people's relatives didn't make it because they didn't have emuna

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:11 am

amother Lemon wrote:

If what you're saying is true, people would (and should) lose their emunah very easily.

Unfortunately often times hashem doesn't send the yeshua. People with terminal cancer almost always die. According to you their emunah meant hashem should have fixed their matziv. Same with people who can't have children, have sick loved ones, can't find shiduchim, and other bad situations.

Hashem often doesn't fix it. To say he always does is dishonest. And to even suggest that believing Jews with emunah don't get cancer or suffer tragedies is naive.

amother

↑ Lemon ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:11 am

amother OP wrote:

Sorry if I upset you , was trying to be helpful . Btw , I struggle with the same thing and am trying to work on this , I was talking to myself too . And of course we believe in hashem but maybe not enough? I guess the word isn’t believing sorry, more like we’re not trusting ?

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:15 am

amother Brass wrote:

I’ve been thinking to Bli neder start learning parshas haman daily
That’s rly the source for emunah in Parnassah maybe that wld help you
Also there is a relatively new book about birchas hamazon

I'm skeptical about ideas that "crack the code" for hashem. Many people suffer from poverty. Many are tremendous tzadikim and righteous people.

Many simple people who don't learn, daven, say tehilin, or do chessed, have tremendous parnasah.

We don't understand the ways of hashem. Are you saying that the great tzadikim who suffered/are suffering from poverty have their situation because they didn't learn parshas haman? Their lives of dedication to hashem and the klal isn't good enough- they need to learn parshas haman.