It’s so hard- having Emunah

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:26 am

amother Lemon wrote:

That’s not true . Emunah means we believe that hashem WILL give us what we ask for . He can and will. In the meantime we are ok with what we have and understand it’s good, but we don’t say, ok hashem just doesn’t want me to have this. No, he does . He’s just waiting for us to believe in Him so He can send it . I suggest you and OP listen to Michael Safdie on WhatsApp, he explains it better than me

He says that if you rely on hashem then it's a guarantee that he will answer you. Sounds great.

But what does this mean? A rav in my community recently died from cancer. He had the ultimate emunah and bitochon. He surely relied on hashem. And hashem answered him that his time was over.

Are the people who rely on hashem not getting sick? Where they not in Maron when it collapsed? Did they not have terrible Covid outcomes? Do they not suffer from all types of yesurim? What do his words mean to you?

To me the only thing it could mean is that if we believe and rely on hashem we are never scared or worried because we accept 100% that yesurim are good. Cancer is good. Poverty is good. Sickness is good. Now I don't know anyone who really believes this. I don't.

amother

↑ Lemon ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:34 am

amother Rose wrote:

There are probably very very few people who have that high level of emunah in todays world

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:40 am

amother Lemon wrote:

There are probably very very few people who have that high level of emunah in todays world

I agree. But what does emunah mean then?

To say that emunah mean having complete belief that hashem will help, and having this emunah directly leads to hashem helping in a positive way, means we shouldn't believe our eyes. It would mean that the people with emunah are less sick, less poor, have less tragedies, less miscarriages, and died less during covit. But it's not so.

This is presented in the emunah books but I don't believe it.

So what else can emunah mean?

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:50 am

I think very simply put emunah is believing that everything is for our best even though we don't understand it. And that does not mean to accept it without davening. We should daven for change. Hashem wants that relationship from us. But that doesn't mean the answer will be yes but that still means what's happening is for the best for us.

amother

RosePink

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 10:56 am

I don’t know if this is helpful, but we make a combined 210k and don’t do any of the things you listed and don’t own a house. With no family help saving up a down payment takes a long time and we are also prioritizing savings and paying off student loans.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 11:04 am

amother Silver wrote:

I wish I could provide you with a sheitel !!
Maybe post on a new thread what you're looking for with location
Are the people you know buying new ones the type to gift theirs?

Thanks. . I already have an old Sheitel I don’t think it’s gonna help to replace an old Sheitel with another old Sheitel. I’m not sure that make sense. But no I don’t have anyone would give me their old Sheitel even if it did. Thanks I’m not gonna start a thread for a Sheitel. I don’t want to ask here. Just venting my struggles

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 11:05 am

amother RosePink wrote:

It’s really not but im sorry for you too. We moved out of town to buy a house, otherwise wouldn’t have happened at all, and I am very grateful for the family help. Here out of town it’s a lot easier to make that much and be able to do construction/ pay for those things.
But I’m sorry for your struggles too

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 11:12 am

Thanks for all the Emunah responses. I’m holding on to trust and believing that it’s right for me and trying to be grateful for the many things I do have. I also listen to Michael safdie but I’m not sure how his mehalech makes sense. But I still listen and take what I can. And grateful for the roof over my head

amother

Blonde

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 11:21 am

What line of work is your DH in? Maybe we can brainstorm posititions in his field. Also, you could maybe be making more as well. I know you don’t want practical advice 😕 but you don’t have to be okay with current income. You don’t have to feel like you should get used to it and this is what HaShem gave you so it’s okay. We all have a derech and sometimes HaShem gives us emotions like this to help shift us in our derech

HaShem should bless you with more parnassa

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 11:29 am

amother Blonde wrote:

Thanks I’m really not looking for practical though. I appreciate you trying

amother

Azure ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 12:20 pm

I really don’t like the emuna books. They make everything sound hunky dory with happy ending always
I just work on my relationship with hashem. that’s what helps me. Maybe that’s emuna, I don’t know. Maybe I don’t want to work on my emuna. Maybe I just want to be close to Him and talk to Him.

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 12:31 pm

amother Azure wrote:

Maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but what does it mean to talk to hashem?

We are human and want real communication, real answers. Imagine someone suffering with poverty their who life. Constantly struggling, Constantly having yeshivos calling for tuition, getting eviction notices, utility shutoff notices, and needing tzedakah.

But the always talk to hashem. They beg him to give them money so they they have dignity. They beg him for Parnassa so they can live like a mentch.

And there's always silence..... and nothing changes.

Does this feel right? Is this a good and healthy relationship? Would this make someone feel close to hashem?

I'm sorry, we're human. We don't want to hear that the suffering is really good for us. We want and expect the endings that we read in the emunah books where it all works out. Otherwise I for see how we feel close to hashem if we also feel like we are being ignored.

amother

↑ Lemon ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 12:47 pm

amother Azure wrote:

Yes! That’s what emu nah is ! Having a relationship with hashem and talking to him !

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 1:05 pm

amother Lemon wrote:

Yes! That’s what emu nah is ! Having a relationship with hashem and talking to him !

A relationship is always based on understanding and on 2 way communication. We have relationships with our spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, and others because we understand each other on some level. We also have expectations. They will treat us a certain way, they will be kind, respectful, ect.

Most of us would say we have no understanding of hashem. The things he does don't make sense to us. We don't know why this one suffers and that one doesn't. The ones suffering don't know what they can do to change it.

To me this isn't a real relationship.

Above you said.... Emunah means we believe that hashem WILL give us what we ask for . He can and will.

If this were true then I'd agree we can have a real relationship with hashem.

The poor should daven harder and they will receive money.
The sick should daven harder and they will recover.
The people without shidduchum should daven harder and they will find their bashert.

Unfortunately, I don't think what you are saying is true. We don't know hashem's "system". We don't see the people with emunah and davening being spared.

amother

↑ Lemon

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 1:15 pm

amother Rose wrote:

It’s not just davening though, it’s about having a relaxed mind set and not worrying because hashem is in charge . And we don’t know how much emunah anyone has , it’s not something we could really see

amother

↑ Rose ↓

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 1:29 pm

amother Lemon wrote:

True, but we can't say that emunah leads to health, parnassah, shiduchim, and avoidance of tragedy.

It's plain to see that it just isn't so.

Emunah can give people peace of mind that their suffering is not in vain and that for reasons they don't understand they are meant to endure it.

amother

Eggshell

Sun, Dec 15 2024, 1:42 pm

I dealt with infertility for 10 years and went through an emuna journey. I have learnt that Hashem gives me exactly what I need and I don't know what's best for me but need to trust Hashem.I focused on gratitude for what I have and came to a full acceptance that I may never have kids if that is what Hashem thinks it's best for me. I davened for a baby and asked Hashem to give me a baby if that is His will from me. My davening turned from demanding He grant me a child to surrendering if this is Hashem's will for my life.
One thing I learned is that Hashem is a loving G-d and He is not punishing me and I am not any less worthy to raise kids than anyone else out there.
Hugs OP, you are in a difficult situation and so hard to see the ppl around you getting things easily and never able to attain that. I really understand your pain💓