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Forum
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-> Simcha Section
amother
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 Wed, Nov 06 2024, 10:05 pm
| flowerpower wrote: | | Any more questions? I’ve been to many many many weddings kah so I know basically what goes on | If I'm a cousin from the chosson's side, do I have to dance with the kallah? At what point? Do I have to introduce myself?
Can you explain a little more about when I'm supposed to join someone who's already dancing with the kallah?
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flowerpower
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Wed, Nov 06 2024, 10:36 pm
| amother OP wrote: | If I'm a cousin from the chosson's side, do I have to dance with the kallah? At what point? Do I have to introduce myself?
Can you explain a little more about when I'm supposed to join someone who's already dancing with the kallah? |
So the kallah comes in and dances with her mom, then the others that ra mom posted. Meanwhile a few circles form- the inner is sibs of the kallah/ chosson and close relatives like aunts and cousins. Then the outer layer are friends etc. once the mom and mil dance with the kallah a few circles form so the relatives and friends can dance with the mother of that side. You as a cousin form the relatives circle. When the kallah comes in that circle she takes turns dancing with each relative and friend. When she dances with the aunt the kids join. Besides the kallah you dance with the family in the family circle. If you come to a wedding and you’re there for a few minutes, no need to dance. Just give the person you came to mazel tov. If its during the break you tell the kallah mazel tov if you feel like it.
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ittsamother
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:02 am
| amother OP wrote: | If I'm a cousin from the chosson's side, do I have to dance with the kallah? At what point? Do I have to introduce myself?
Can you explain a little more about when I'm supposed to join someone who's already dancing with the kallah? |
As someone mentioned earlier, it can depend on how busy the kallah is. If she has a ton of people dancing around her, and will be more than busy with them and doesn't really know you yet, you don't necessarily need to dance with her. If the circle is a little sparse, it would be nice for you to dance with her. To me, I view it as "this is the kallah's night, will I be adding to or detracting if I dance with her? Will she be happy she danced with me or will I just be a stranger she has to make time for when she has others she's more excited to dance with?"
You would join someone who's dancing with the kallah if there's some mutual connection between the three of you (and maybe you're not necessarily close enough to also still want your own dance individually with the kallah, though you could always do that in addition to the joint dance). For example, you all work together, and want to have a workmates dance, so either you all rush to the kallah together, or one of you secures her and the others quickly join. Or you are a cousin, your mother as her aunt starts to dance with her, and you and your sisters and sils give her a bit of time to dance and then rush in to join a "Smith family" circle, etc
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amother
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:07 am
What do you say to the kallah when you dance with her?
What do you say to the mothers when you dance with them?
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essie14
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:14 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | What do you say to the kallah when you dance with her?
What do you say to the mothers when you dance with them? |
You say mazal tov.
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Iymnok
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:17 am
"I'm so happy for you!"
"You look beautiful!"
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mfb
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:26 am
| amother OP wrote: | If I'm a cousin from the chosson's side, do I have to dance with the kallah? At what point? Do I have to introduce myself?
Can you explain a little more about when I'm supposed to join someone who's already dancing with the kallah? |
When your mother goes in to dance (as an aunt) you and your siblings/inlaws join after a bit. (I would say only if you’re a first cousin.)
Unless you’re very close friend to this specific kallah then you would go in alone after the aunts.
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amother
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 9:02 am
So I’m dancing looking at her for 1-2 minutes and that is all I say?
I always feel like I need more but I struggle making conversation in the spot. Even with ppl I’m close to.
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essie14
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 9:18 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | So I’m dancing looking at her for 1-2 minutes and that is all I say?
I always feel like I need more but I struggle making conversation in the spot. Even with ppl I’m close to. |
It's super loud. She won't hear what you're saying. You don't have to dance for 1-2 minutes. Dance for 30 seconds, say mazal tov and give her a hug and that's it.
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amother
Mayflower
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 9:19 am
Help! I’m beyond self conscious and don’t know how to dance at all.
I cringe when I receive wedding invitations from relatives or very close friends because I know it will be excruciating for me.
I either stand on the side and look socially off, or I dance in the big circle hoping no one will notice me as I go around and around and feel dizzy. If I get pulled into the middle with the kallah or her mother I don’t know what to do with myself and often don’t know what to say and feel so foolish. I’m self conscious that I’m very short and overweight and don’t know how to move.
I’m fine socially otherwise. It’s the dancing that I have a real problem with as I dislike it very much.
There is no therapy for this but who can I hire to teach me basic dancing for dummies?
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summer0808
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Thu, Nov 07 2024, 9:43 am
In Lakewood, Orlander (I think she lives in Brook Hill) teaches kallas & Mothers how to do this chasuna dancing.
regarding US v non US dancing with Kalla. When I got married in the 90s the best friends would run in right away. After the mothers, maybe waited for the grandmothers. Over the years there was a real shift in both chassidish & yeshivish. I heard from teachers, kalla teachers etc about the respect to show family members so friends will absolutely not dance first dance these days. To such an extent that if the family is small and first dance isnt over, she might not have who to dance with because the friends are far away or didnt even bother coming! and VV if the family didnt finish during first dance, they wont get an opportunity during second dance because the friends are holding her!
Only for simchas!
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