Having Petty Cash/CC

amother

Indigo

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 5:14 am

Op I grew up watching my mother have to beg my father for every dollar she needed. It was so dysfunctional and painful. She was abused by him in other ways as well.

How did this setup even start? Can you put an end to it asap? You are an equal partner. You are not your husband’s child. Does he mistreat you in other ways?

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’ve seen the stress it causes firsthand. It’s awful.

amother

Opal

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 6:40 am

My husband and I opened a joint savings account as soon as we were married. I have the same access to our money that my husband does. If I want cash, I can get it from the atm but we also have some cash in the house that we both have access to. We also both have credit cards that we pay for from our shared accounts.

I don't have to discuss small purchases with my husband but I usually let him know about larger purchases (a single item costing over 200).

What you are describing is not normal or healthy. Do you have anyone you cam speak to in real life?

amother

Midnight

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:07 am

We both have our own CCs. We take out cash ourselves as needed. We'll discuss a significant purchase, e.g. a one-off item over $100.

I'm sorry OP, it sounds like a very unhealthy relationship dynamic. You shouldn't be controlled by your husband in any way.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:14 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks ofr your replies.

How do you get petty cash in your wallet?
Do you have a certain amount you get weekly?
Or how?

We budget each month we sit down, there are times I don’t spend besides for the groceries or if a kid outgrows their clothes, and sometimes we’re able to spend more on extras it helps to budget so it’s organized and over a certain amount 40-60 I speak with Dh to include in the budget.
We’re both contributing to the family and have equal say in the financial decisions.

amother

Red

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 9:23 am

Do you have a Rav or anyone else who you can ask for guidance? This is really serious. He's abusing you! Sit down with him and discuss together how to make changes so that you can have access to money at all times. If you're scared to have that talk with him then you need to get guidance from your Rav or anyone else anonymously who you can get support from irl.

Do you work?

CPenzias

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 9:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks ofr your replies.

How do you get petty cash in your wallet?
Do you have a certain amount you get weekly?
Or how?

I ask my husband if he has cash. If he does, he gives me. If not I take from the atm for both of us. I use credit cards too.
This sounds like financial abuse and it's not ok

sunflower22

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 5:40 pm

You should have access to your bank accounts with your own debit or credit card. Please, reach out to someone (you can reach out to me in a PM) if you need assistance because it is really not normal to not have access to your money. Marriage means partnership, you should have access to money.

↑ essie14

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:31 am

sunflower22 wrote:

Welcome, I see you're new here.
Please don't ask posters to PM you when you have just joined.

amother

↑ Cognac

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:22 am

Thinking about you op
Were you able to reach out to finishing in real life?

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:42 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Thinking about you op
Were you able to reach out to finishing in real life?

Thanks for checking in and all your replies.
Im still thinking how to go about it