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Forum
-> Fashion and Beauty
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:22 pm
| amother Orange wrote: | Op, I relate. And not just with clothing. I also buy the wrong China, send the wrong gifts, choose the wrong backpacks or shoes for my kids. Cut my sheitel in an old fashioned way. I end of spending lots of money and anyway not getting it. It's a skill I'm lacking. I just don't get the latest trends and am always a season or two behind. It makes me miserable but it's my life story. What's wrong with us? Is there anything we can do to help it or it's a handicap we were born with?
ETA I often ask others before buying but there's so much you can ask about every purchase before others get annoyed. |
Wow wow wow thats my life 
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amother
Orange
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:26 pm
Sorry about that. I can't say I'm depressed about it though. It does wear me down at times and it feels horrible when I don't get the value for the money I spent. However, I view myself challenged in this way but hey I'm great at many things that don't involve shopping.
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tichellady
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:27 pm
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Omg can you please move somewhere where people aren’t so superficial?
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:29 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | Omg can you please move somewhere where people aren’t so superficial? |
Actually I just moved here, I lived in Boro Park beforehand
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:29 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | Omg can you please move somewhere where people aren’t so superficial? |
Where do you live?
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DrMom
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:39 pm
| amother Orange wrote: | Op, I relate. And not just with clothing. I also buy the wrong China, send the wrong gifts, choose the wrong backpacks or shoes for my kids. Cut my sheitel in an old fashioned way. I end of spending lots of money and anyway not getting it. It's a skill I'm lacking. I just don't get the latest trends and am always a season or two behind. It makes me miserable but it's my life story. What's wrong with us? Is there anything we can do to help it or it's a handicap we were born with?
ETA I often ask others before buying but there's so much you can ask about every purchase before others get annoyed. |
What is "the wrong china?"
It's your home, it's your Shabbat table, it's your food. China is for you and your family to enjoy in your own home. You should pick what you love.
How did you decide it is wrong? Because it is different than your friends' china? Who cares??? Why worry about this, of all things?
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amother
Sienna
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:41 pm
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Some people love beautiful things but don’t know how to select these things in the store. It’s only later that they realize that they didn’t choose well and it causes them aggravation.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:43 pm
Interesting that boro park was less pressure,
I shop a lot onAliexpress
I don't dress so trendy, more classical and I wear my clothes for years
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Dolly Welsh
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:08 pm
OP, you can get stuff on Amazon, and they accept returns.
Now.
What's your general type? Build?
The idea is to analyze your figure, and bring it out. Once you know how to dress your figure so you look organized top to bottom, which often means suede black shoes (flats or low heel), opaque tights (black), a comfortable skirt or dress of made of a thick knit (black) with a white blouse or shirt, or a color, a nice wig (synthetics look good too) some Clinique blush on cheeks and maybe pencil on eye, no mascara, you will just need some nice earrings. Try a few earrings, using only 14k gold posts (silver color is called "white gold.") Pearl earrings are great too.
Next up is a good collection of scarves. One way is to go on LightInTheBox website; they have bushels of long chiffon machine washable scarves.
Common misunderstanding: you CAN TOO wear the same thing all the time, if it looks exactly right on you. Getting to that exact right thing takes some shopping, but when you find it, you will get SEVERAL of that dress or jumper or skirt.
This is an art.
It is not about "is that pretty" it is "well that work on ME?" When you have analyzed your figure and type, you will know that. If you are a petite size brunette, don't even look at models who are tall, thin, and blonde. If you see a woman in the neighborhood who IS your physical type and looks great, copy what she is doing. Discreetly.
But: what figure are we dealing with, and how do you want and need to look?
I am allergic to high prices and to dry cleaners, and will post all the links you want. I will never get tired.
This is CONQUERABLE.
It is common and simple to make a smooth line by just plain wearing all black, except for a white or bright blouse, shirt, or jacket. Where color changes, contrasts, that is where the eye goes. Keep attention up high, near your head. Don't wear an interesting belt or people will be looking too low.
Start with the bottom: the shoe.
You have to be comfortable. Spend all the money needed for good support and comfort in a shoe. Keep a shoe matte, not shiny. Making people look at your feet makes you look shorter. Shiny feet attract the eye, so keep shoes matte. No buckles.
What is shiny always looks bigger. If you are thin, use shiny blouses. If you need to be smaller, use matter surface. Not shiny.
Next, get a strand of pearls, to make you feel better. Fake is fine.
Then make sure your underwear is supportive. That is a place to spend money: good underwear. Don't skimp on that.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:18 pm
| amother Floralwhite wrote: | Interesting that boro park was less pressure,
I shop a lot onAliexpress
I don't dress so trendy, more classical and I wear my clothes for years |
I married Montreal.
Its my husbands side thats the pressure
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amother
OP
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:20 pm
| Dolly Welsh wrote: | OP, you can get stuff on Amazon, and they accept returns.
Now.
What's your general type? Build?
The idea is to analyze your figure, and bring it out. Once you know how to dress your figure so you look organized top to bottom, which often means suede black shoes (flats or low heel), opaque tights (black), a comfortable skirt or dress of made of a thick knit (black) with a white blouse or shirt, or a color, a nice wig (synthetics look good too) some Clinique blush on cheeks and maybe pencil on eye, no mascara, you will just need some nice earrings. Try a few earrings, using only 14k gold posts (silver color is called "white gold.") Pearl earrings are great too.
Next up is a good collection of scarves. One way is to go on LightInTheBox website; they have bushels of long chiffon machine washable scarves.
Common misunderstanding: you CAN TOO wear the same thing all the time, if it looks exactly right on you. Getting to that exact right thing takes some shopping, but when you find it, you will get SEVERAL of that dress or jumper or skirt.
This is an art.
It is not about "is that pretty" it is "well that work on ME?" When you have analyzed your figure and type, you will know that. If you are a petite size brunette, don't even look at models who are tall, thin, and blonde. If you see a woman in the neighborhood who IS your physical type and looks great, copy what she is doing. Discreetly.
But: what figure are we dealing with, and how do you want and need to look?
I am allergic to high prices and to dry cleaners, and will post all the links you want. I will never get tired.
This is CONQUERABLE.
It is common and simple to make a smooth line by just plain wearing all black, except for a white or bright blouse, shirt, or jacket. Where color changes, contrasts, that is where the eye goes. Keep attention up high, near your head. Don't wear an interesting belt or people will be looking too low.
Start with the bottom: the shoe.
You have to be comfortable. Spend all the money needed for good support and comfort in a shoe. Keep a shoe matte, not shiny. Making people look at your feet makes you look shorter. Shiny feet attract the eye, so keep shoes matte. No buckles.
What is shiny always looks bigger. If you are thin, use shiny blouses. If you need to be smaller, use matter surface. Not shiny.
Next, get a strand of pearls, to make you feel better. Fake is fine.
Then make sure your underwear is supportive. That is a place to spend money: good underwear. Don't skimp on that. |
Thanks !! Working on this!
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Comptroller
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:27 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I'm going through a very hard time feeling terrible because of my inability to keep up with trends due to my cluelessness.
I feel looked down at by everyone since everyone else seems to "make it" and dress up to date and its only me that keeps messing up every season again by buying the wrong things.
The amount of money I spend and then just don't use it
I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone for help.
Any advice? |
Maybe you are very young, so you had no time to experience this up to now.
Choose what seems functional to you.
You will see that after a few years (it could be a decade or more, I admit), people will come round to what you were using from the beginning.
And in this case, you are pioneer, a trendsetter, and not a follower.
I'll give you an example: decades ago, I chose truly watertight shabbos coats for autumn/winter, because I sometimes had to walk for an hour and more on shabbos, and I wanted to be able to do it even when it rains.
Look around now: everyone wears watertight, synthetic coats in winter, rather than the classical cloth coats.
So my tip: be a trendsetter, not a follower, and look at it long term, not short term.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:40 pm
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Any friend or sisterinlaws you can shop with?
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amother
Chocolate
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:44 pm
Follow the heimish stores on insta to get an idea.
D-Rama is a very tasteful plus size store.
Also I would suggest shopping nice and timeless over trendy.
I don’t buy more than one or two new things a season- sometimes not even that and I wear my stuff for quite a few years.
I always get compliments on my wardrobe, it’s classic beautiful and timeless.
Sometimes you can wear a simple dress or top and skirt and wear a cute pair of shoes and a nice handbag to it and some pretty jewelry.
Keep your wig up to do date- find a good sheitelmacher who knows how to style it that it suits your face well.
Good luck!
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ora_43
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Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:48 pm
If you wait long enough, everything eventually comes back into style.
... ok maybe don't take fashion advice from a nerd like me.
Seriously though - Dolly Welsh was spot on. A mix of 'classic' pieces that are well made and fit you well + a couple stylish new items does wonders.
Avoid styles that don't look good on you, even if they're trendy. (is it possible that this is your real issue? honestly, it seems unlikely that you're making a real effort to follow trends and getting it completely wrong. maybe the problem is more of a mismatch - you get things because they are in style without thinking about how they look on you, personally, and then they don't look great on you personally)
And if you're like me and fashion seems like one big practical joke, get help! You don't have to directly ask someone you know. This is what instagram was made for. Alternatively, you could go shopping with a friend and ask generic questions like 'what do you think,' 'how does it look' (but it has to be a friend who's blunt enough to tell you if it's not great). Or discreetly pick a couple of 'style icons' in the neighborhood and keep tabs on what they're wearing.
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amother
Cognac
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 12:05 am
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Follow clothing brands on Instagram to see what’s in style and what kind of look you are going for.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 1:39 am
I don't know about you, but I find most fashionable people are tall and skinny. I am neither of those things, so what they wear that looks good on them, will never look good on me.
I try and wear more classic clothing, that doesn't go out of fashion. You will always look better in clothing that is more classic, than trying to fit in and failing.
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amother
Mimosa
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:28 am
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amother
Magnolia
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:41 am
I find that the people that keep up with the latest fads are the ones that look back at old photos and think they looked ridiculous.
But people who dress for their body, colour and taste look good in a more timeless way.
Would you consider consulting a color and style analyst? Someone does color palettes.
I did it a few years ago and it has made such a difference in shopping for me, and I have so much more confidence in what I wear.
As well as what colors, she advised me what styles and shapes work for my body shape, and what materials work better for me - more stiff vs more flowy, more structured styles or more soft.
I can walk into a store and know half the clothes won’t work for me, either color wise or pattern etc, it makes it easier for me and less overwhelming with less to choose from.
So that’s my suggestion, to work out what works for you so you dont need to be chasing the latest style
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Comptroller
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Mon, Jun 17 2024, 3:31 am
| amother OP wrote: | I married Montreal.
Its my husbands side thats the pressure |
Maybe they are just not very nice to you as a newcomer to their family in general, and their way of expressing it is looking down on your sense of fashion, but it could be anything else if it was not that?
So maybe you should inspect these relationships more closely.
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