IBD/crohns/colitis as a secret?

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 1:41 am

IBD isn’t really a diagnosis. It just means that you have an irritable bowel and the doctors don’t know how to help you so they give you this label.

It’s not a condition like Crohns. And when it comes to shidduchim there isn’t anything to tell or not tell here.

tree of life ↓

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 1:54 am

sequoia wrote:

Pretty hard to conceal, what with the weight loss...

Hi I have had Crohn's for past 24 years only at the beginning I lost a lot of weight but know I'm big and I don't eat tonnes

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 3:34 am

I have IBS, but I have so many other chronic conditions that IBS falls pretty far down the bottom of the list. (I wish it caused weight loss!)

DD has celiac, and as long as she stays 100% gluten free she's in excellent health.

Neither of us keep it a secret, but we don't advertise if there's no need to know.

↑ tree of life

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 5:08 am

Hi I have had Crohn's and surgery past 24 years my daughter also has Crohn's she's 25
When she goes on a date I'm sure she will mention it if they don't want someone with Crohn's then it's not for our family

amother

Buttercup ↓

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:58 am

sequoia wrote:

Pretty hard to conceal, what with the weight loss...

Crohns is very individualized. Literally every person will have their own unique symptoms, whether very mild or stronger...or no symptoms at all.
Weight loss definitely does not automatically come along with crohns/collitis/IBD

amother

↑ Buttercup ↓

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 9:02 am

amother [ Diamond ] wrote:

Not every one experiences weight loss. Not every one has symptoms. Many people have Crohn's and don't even know until much later in life. I don't think people are aware just how prevalent Crohn's is in the Jewish population.

Re the bolded-YES! Since my young daughter was diagnosed with crohns, I see it everywhere in the frum community.
Her GI office waiting room is like a frum reunion. Tons of frum people. Her pediatrician told me she has so many frum patients with crohns/collitis...
We personally dont advertise it, but its not top secret either. BH its managed and she lives a very typical normal life...

amother

Orchid

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 11:43 am

I was asked by someone looking into a shidduch if the girl is on any medication. I had no idea what to say, but the girl is pretty open about it and all her friends know so I said yeah for crohns, but it’s so not a big deal. Doesn’t affect her etc. is this terrible?
I didn’t know if I was supposed to lie or what. Sad

amother

↑ Emerald ↓

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 12:08 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Talk to a rav to get your own clarity. The halachos are complicated. My sisters friend said something she shouldn’t have and after asked her rav and he advised her for the future.

amother

Nemesia ↓

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 12:31 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

IBS and IBD are completely different things. Inflammatory Bowel Disease is Chrons or Ulcerative Colitis and usually needs treatment, usually medication sometimes surgery. Irritable Bowel Syndrome is less severe, it's having a nervous stomach that reacts to stress and people are either constipated, or prone to diarrhea or both, it doesn't necessarily have to be treated, although there are medications that some people take. Crohns is more common in Ashkenazi than the general population.

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 12:32 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

If someone asks you point blank, you need to answer truthfully, but if they don't ask you and she's fine on her medications, you don't have to offer it.

amother

Gladiolus

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 12:42 pm

I was diagnosed with chrons at the age of 18 after having 1 flair up. Never had a flair up since, am on no medication. Noone other than my parents,, husband and inlaws knows. We did tell my DH after the first bshow. When I was diagnosed my Dr said they find that 1 in 5 Ashkenazi ppl have chrons.

amother

↑ Emerald

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 12:54 pm

amother [ Gladiolus ] wrote:

My sister told her husband on date 3. His parents wanted to end the shidduch. They first spoke to their rav who laughed and said then you’ll have lots of trouble bec so many ashkanazim have stomach issues.
What is ironic is he has massive health issues and my sister is symptom free since a teen.

amother

Navy

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 12:56 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

I think you’re confusing IBS and IBD.

amother

↑ Buttercup

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 1:07 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Yup. When we first got my daughters diagnosis we were so overwhelmed, and our Rav told us "you wouldnt believe how many people in our community have crohns or collitis. Its literally all over". He hears all the shaylas to do with shidduchim, medication on pesach, restrictove diets and eating hamotzi on shabbos, etc...

amother

↑ Nemesia

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 1:13 pm

amother [ Gladiolus ] wrote:

Percentage of Crohns is about 1% in Ashkenazic Jews not 20%.