Shul only has Cholent at Kiddush if Sponsored - tacky?

amother

Coffee ↓

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 3:30 pm

I grew up in a community where there was only a kiddush when there was a simcha, and usually no cholent. (One of the shuls we went to had a rule against hot dishes.)
We moved to a community where all the shuls here do cholent kiddushim every week. There are a lot of shuls in our neighborhood, and to the best of my knowledge, every shul here provides cholent, cake, usually kugel etc. When someone sponsors, they add other kugels, mini hot dogs, sometimes salads etc.
I have two thoughts to add to this discussion:
1. Women feel differently about this than men. Most women on this thread think its excessive and uncalled for. (I agree). However, the men feel differently. They have been in shul since 8:30 or so, and by the time davening is over, they are hungry. But most importantly, like OP said, they enjoy the camaraderie and socializing. The kiddush is very important to the men in our shul and they would never give it up. (Again, a lot of it is what you are used to.) There are many women who come for the socializing and cholent as well, but less than the men.
They stay and shmooze and eat, and yes, they come home and eat again (or not.)
The shul pays for it, just as they pay for shaloshudis and Sunday morning breakfast after the shiur. None of these was the norm in the community I grew up in. Of course, there are always sponsorship opportunities to upgrade.
2. I see it as somewhat of a competition. If our shul would not give cholent, we would be the only shul in our whole town that didn't give cholent. It's an expectation here. Perhaps because we are a bit out of town and also a tourist place. Every community norm is born out of circumstances particular to that community. .
So, no, it's not tacky to not give cholent. It's about what the community norms are.

amother

↑ Coffee

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 4:01 pm

I didnt mean all men. But in a shul where men are used to it, it is very important to them. I know because we once had a conversation amongst the women to stop the kiddush (for all the above reasons) and it was unanimously vetoed by the men.
But it boils down to another point that was touched on, which is, the function that the shul and/or rabbi play in the lives of the individuals and families...Since I have seen both extremes, it is obvious to me that this is not the same across the board. In the community I grew up in, shul was basically just for davening, maybe some learning. We had basically jothing to do with the Rabbi. The shul I go to here ( and in fact, all the shuls in our community) have a much more central role in people's lives. They have Chanuka parties, Purim parties, programs for kids, shiurim for men and women, etc. And the Rabbi is much more than just a Rabbi for most of the mispalelim as well.
So yes, there is a very strong social factor that keeps the mispalelim together.