Shul only has Cholent at Kiddush if Sponsored - tacky?

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 8:17 am

Ruchel wrote:

I'd starve waiting, or with salads and fish (both of my least favs, and not filling).

We know what time to expect the guys. It's pretty uniform.

You could make your favs. I love salads and fish. I usually have at least 3 different kinds of each even with no company.

↑ Ruchel ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 8:19 am

icedcoffee wrote:

Quote:

So these individuals bring lechem mishna with them? They sit down to this "meal"?

FWIW, at my shuls at least, there are dozens of challah rolls there and we sit down.

I think I've only seen sit down once. Unsure if there was a simcha. Didn't make it warmer, literally no one talked to me but my cousins. My husband has as usual an easier time with the guys side

amother

↑ Plum ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 9:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Some people are truly in their own bubble...

Yes - some people live in a bubble where Choulent is a necessary part of a shul Kiddush.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 9:24 am

There is one shul I know of that has a kiddush every week that is like a Shabbos suedah - fish, herring, salad, kugel, cholent, deli and cake. In a large yeshiva frum town. Posters on here would be surprised to know it’s in their backyard.
The crowd that goes to that shul gains tremendously. Socially. Nutritiously. And emotionally. If the kiddush were to end or there would be no hot food this people would be losing

My DH runs a kiddush every week for a minyan that the cholent is one of the main reasons they come. It’s worth all the effort and money. BH one lady has offered to make the cholent every week. It doesn’t have to be expensive or a lot of effort. Few potatoes, little meat. Lots of beans and barley and spices.

I don’t think it’s fair to say there is never a place for it. And no one needs it. There is a place for it.

Op if you feel hot cholent is necessary in shul for you to be happy then keep looking. I’m not sure it’s fair to move to a place exacting it to change. Perhaps if they don’t have cholent it’s not the right fit in other ways.

↑ Ruchel ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 12:20 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

We know what time to expect the guys. It's pretty uniform.

You could make your favs. I love salads and fish. I usually have at least 3 different kinds of each even with no company.

Lazy... I'm not making meat and carbs only for me plus kids portions

Should a lady provide shul with chulent? That's quite messirut nefesh. let them buy, or let the men do chulent

amother

Mistyrose ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 12:36 pm

I certainly understand OP.

I attend 2 different Shabbat minyans, at times. One rarely has a kiddush. There is a distinct lack of community. People know who they know, and occasionally meet friends of friends. They come, daven, leave. I see a real change in the cohesiveness and atmosphere of the shul from the days when there were more frequent kiddushes, even if they were day old cookies and celery sticks. The other has a kiddush every week, big or small. They're the people who create a community, who ask how my kid in Israel is, or if my husband is feeling better. Its not the food, its the community.

Frankly, people in communities with big kiddushes don't make big lunches. If we attend a big kiddush, we may read or rest for a couple of hours after shul, then have a lighter meal. Its not non-stop, wall-to-wall cholent and herring. If I already made a big lunch, I'll usually munch on some crudites or green salad at kiddush.

talented

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 12:48 pm

In most chassidish shuls there is only a kiddush if someone makes a simcha. And in more shuls than not, cholent is not even allowed for a simcha. Only cakes, drinks and herring.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 1:04 pm

talented wrote:

In most chassidish shuls there is only a kiddush if someone makes a simcha. And in more shuls than not, cholent is not even allowed for a simcha. Only cakes, drinks and herring.

Is that true? My experience is that the chassidish shuls have the best kiddishes. Our vacation shul is MO. They have m&ms at the kiddish. We offered to sponsor the chulent and were told that it stink up the shul.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 1:18 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

Exactly.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 1:37 pm

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

So why the focus on chulent OP?

If I understood the OP - there was kiddish every week.

The cholent is symbolic / indicative of a good/plentiful/festive kiddish that people stick around for and bond over. A sparse kiddush with bad food that nobody wants and people don't really eat because they run for the doors two minutes after the rabbi makes kiddush, to me, indicates something about the type of community environment that the shul is fostering.

amother

↑ Plum ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 1:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

so it was never about the chulent.

Tell us about the atmosphere at the kiddish - you were there - you don't need to imagine what it was like.

Was your issue with this shul that people bolted?

amother

↑ Navy

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 1:47 pm

Yes, well, dh shul has a hot kiddush every week. Enough so many congregants do in fact eat their Shabbos meal there--lots of widowers, alter bochrim and divorced men go there. maybe that's why. Dh hangs out and indulges and meanwhile the rest of us wait...and wait. What's more aggravating is then when he comes home he's full and eats barely any of the food I prepared. Why should I care, more left for me, right? More left for midweek? I care because it's insulting to me, he knows doggone well that I prepared food, but he'd rather stuff his gullet with whatever is served in shul.

amother

Beige

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 2:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Our OOT shul doesn't always have cholent, only when sponsored. Probably slightly over half the time. But I haven't noticed that cholent affects the duration of schmoozing.

Our most basic kiddush is chips, crackers, pretzels, herring, egg salad, tuna salad, hummus, fruit, cookies. We linger and schmooze perfectly well over this basic kiddush when there's no extras.

amother

Salmon ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 2:12 pm

amother [ Na

vy ] wrote:

I'm with you on both of the issues. One is that DH is stuffing his gut, when I've worked hard to cook for Shabbos. And the second is - he is stuffing his gut while everyone at home waits and waits and waits hungrily for him to come home so we can eat the meal.

For fathers who have food and families at home, what is the point of having a hot kiddush every single week? If it's social camaraderie that they crave, they should do that either at shalosh seudos or melava malkah.

amother

↑ Plum ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 2:15 pm

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

Exactly.

amother

Teal

Mon, Dec 09 2019, 2:21 pm

It’s so funny because in our Shul we’re very close but mainly because they have a room where mommies and kids can hangout together during Shul. Half the time we’re enjoying ourselves so much we forget to go join the kiddush until husbands come to check on us. It’s on the way to the women’s section so the women who go daven stop on their way out to shmooze. Often the ladies in that room socialize more than the women trying to balance plates and kids at the kiddush. In my parents’s Shul with no Kiddush it takes a half hour to leave because everyone is talking and catching up. It’s really never about the food as much as the venue and personalities.