Teaching kids massarot , need help with wording.

Tefila ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 12:55 am

So for my 1st grader who turns 7 soon I thought she would choose a Tzedaka of her choice to give money from her Birthday gifts to donate to.
I am thinking of making an invitation read as follows.

Now that I will be turning 7 years old I would like to invite you to my Yom Haledes . Please do not bring presents, just a gift of NO MORE then $5 cash or less. To help me perform the mitzvah of Tzedaka. Since I want to tye this birthday into a mitzvah .

Looking forward to greeting you at my simcha
...................

Please help me with the wording, one not to sophisticated for this age. Thanks Smile

Last edited by Tefila on Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:35 am; edited 1 time in total

RachelEve14 ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:04 am

Honstly, I'm not a fan of specifying what people should bring, especially not cash (even if it is for tzeduka). If your dd doesn't want presents, then feel free to say your presense is our present or something similar, but to ask for cash is just not right. Not everyone has the cash (even if it's "just $5" ). I know we collect birthday presents throughout the year and rarely pay $5 for one. I always get them on clearance sales, etc.

↑ Tefila ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:21 am

I hear Ya

But in our community it's very different then, since she has had parties since she has been 3, and I guarantee that the presents she has recieved have been well over $10.

Even when I have specified presents are not important they still send it, it has gotton out of hand. 1. We don't use characters , trief animals or Barbies in our home. 2. How many gifts does one truly need?

This way I thought making a caps on it at $5 or less ,and teaching my dd and the kids in her class the concept of tzedaka from their own money is a better solution.

Also since by Chabad we celebrate a birthday on the exact day her birthday is, a Shabbos party is not an option eigther Confused

↑ RachelEve14

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:36 am

How about picking something speific and collecting goods for that than.

In lieu of gifts please bring non perishable food for X Food Bank.

In lieu of gifts please bring art supplies we will donate to X children's home.

Are all the girls in the same class? How about asking the girls to bring some supply the teacher uses (stickers, markers, crayons, etc) and give it to the class so they can enjoy it all year round.

Another idea is a book party. Each child brings a wrapped book and at the party you do a grab bag. Each child goes home with a book.

shalhevet

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 6:03 pm

Are you planning on her giving maaser from the money she gets, or giving it all to tzedaka?

Because if she is supposed to give it all, IMHO she is much too young and it could all backfire. It is your idea, not hers (which means I think I wouldn't do it at any age) and she could well end up resentful, even if she supposedly agrees to it before.

If it's maaser, I agree with RachelEve.

greenfire

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 6:19 pm

I think you're asking too much of anybody - let alone a 7 year old ...

you cannot tell kids how much to spend on presents ...

and if you really want to do s/t how about telling her to forego the party and give that amount of monies to tzedaka ... (although not sure if I would advocate that if she is already expecting the party)

as for maaser it's 1/10 - not everything ... there are other ways to teach her about maaser and other ways to do this mitzva ...

Barbara ↓

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 6:36 pm

greenfire wrote:

Its extremely tacky to mention gifts on an invitation. Its even tackier to suggest that people bring money, even if part of it is going to charity. My son recently received an invitation asking for donations, and I'm so taken aback that I haven't allowed him to respond yet.

If people want to bring gifts, let them bring gifts. Feel free to donate some to charity if you'd like. A medical center might love them, or save them for the next disaster relief effort.

Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 6:45 pm

Barbara wrote:

greenfire wrote:

people do it all the time. (ask for tzedoka for a cause instead of presents)
I don't see what's tacky about it but I sometimes wonder if it's fair to the kid

↑ Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 6:47 pm

hang on a sec, tefila are you asking them to bring a donation for a tzedoka instead of presents or are you asking them to give money instead so your daughter can take off from that for tzedoka.

If it's that then I have to agree with the others that it's tacky but I assume you mean bring tzedoka money instead.

Mrs Bissli

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 6:56 pm

tefila, if you are concerned about flood of toys, have you considered saving a few for your daughter but donating the rest to a local charity? Usually children's hospitals are happy to take in unused, non stuffed animal toys, from my own experience.

canadamom

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 7:00 pm

I agree with Mrs. Bissli, if you want to teach your daughter about tzedokah, or the less fortunate, why don't you let her choose something she receives to give away, instead of trying to teach all the other 7 yr. olds... for them it's only right if they come to a party they should bring a gift....

↑ Barbara

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 8:36 pm

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

Barbara wrote:

greenfire wrote:

people do it all the time. (ask for tzedoka for a cause instead of presents)
I don't see what's tacky about it but I sometimes wonder if it's fair to the kid

People do tacky things all the time. Just read this site! Asking for a gift or donation is not acceptable ettiquette (sp?).

People *will* ask what the child wants, and then its acceptable to say that she really wants to give money to tzedaka, or that she would like books.

↑ Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 8:53 pm

Barbara wrote:

Asking for a gift or donation is not acceptable ettiquette (sp?).

I disagree.
Although I myself personally don't go for it, in my community it's perfectly acceptable. I get many invitations that say "in lieu of gifts...."
Especially from people who don't really need the gifts. It makes perfect sense. Why have people waste their money on useless gifts (in the recipients eyes) which they may not need when they can just as easily contribute to a worthy cause.

giving a specific amount however is not the done thing

Quote:

ettiquette (sp?).

well since you are questioning the spelling it's etiquette. You weren't far off.

I used spell check to be sure

Atali

Mon, Feb 09 2009, 8:56 pm

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

inspite of what I wrote above I think it's unfair to little kids to do it.
Let her get her pressies. She'll only be a kid once!

Agreed, I culdn't imagine expecting a child to give all of their birthday gifts to tzedaka.