when do you give your daughter "the talk"?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

When do you give your daughter "the talk"?

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indianamom5 ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:18 am

My daughter is 10 1/2 now and I want to tell her about getting her period, bras, etc..., without her hearing it from her friends in school. She only has 2 other girls in her class but they both have a lot of older sisters. I think it would be better to have this info coming from me rather than them, but I also don't want to bring it up too early. Also, what do you think about the book-the wonder of becoming you?

Tefila ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:24 am

indianamom5 wrote:

Also, what do you think about the book-the wonder of becoming you?

I have heard it's a good book, why not give it to her read then ask her if she has any questions?

Raizle

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:28 am

Tefila wrote:

indianamom5 wrote:

Also, what do you think about the book-the wonder of becoming you?

I have heard it's a good book, why not give it to her read then ask her if she has any questions?

no matter how good the book I don't believe in just stuffing a book in their hands and then telling them to ask questions.
Many kids don't ask, or don't know what to ask or don't know they have a question.
I think she should talk about it and read the book together with her daughter

10 is a fine age to have the talk.

↑ Tefila

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:33 am

Quote:

I think she should talk about it

Some mothers are not good at that and need an opener.

Quote:

and read the book together with her daughter

Thats a a good idea

amother ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:38 am

My daughter is 10 and is wearing a bra and got her period already. I think it's about time.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 1:50 am

my introduced me in that way (with the book)
I think it would have been better if she sat down with me.

When I was a kallah she did the same thing (gave me all the books on taharas mishpacha) and I think it was wrong that she didn't' sit down and discuss it with me. - but obviously she didn't feel comfortable.

BeershevaBubby ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 2:10 am

When my girls turned 11, I sat them each down and explained the basics of getting a period and their bodies changing.

I've worked very hard to have a good relationship with my children so that they feel comfortable coming to me with any issues or questions about ANYTHING.

tomorrow

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 4:28 am

My daughter is seven but she skipped a grade, so she's with eight-year-olds. One girl in the class was held back, so that girl is already nine. I got my period at eleven, so I think I'm going to have to have "the talk" (beginning of a dialog, I'm hoping) at eight, next year.

As much as it's "easier" to give them a book, I think it's starting what should be a path of dialog with a dead end.

With my son (12), I've had to take care of this in pieces because it isn't my husband's cup of tea. What I'm saying is that it's important for it to be from a parent only.

Mamushka

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 5:20 am

My daughter asked me when she was 7 why I buy pads. I explained it to her.

The best opportunities are when the child asks questions.

Back then she didn't ask me much more then this.

Now a few years later I'm asking myself on how and when to tell her the rest.

ChossidMom ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 5:44 am

My daughter came home one day when she was 10 and something and asked me what a "machzor" is because her 12 year old cousin told her that that stuff in the supermarket was for "machzor". So, I told her about bleeding every month and that she doesn't have to worry about it yet. About a month before her 11th birthday I again told her about bleeding every month (and I told her from where) and that it's getting the body ready to eventually have babies. I showed her a pad and gave her a wrapped one to keep in her book bag in case it "happens" when she's in school. She said it's a little scary and I told her there's nothing to worry about and that she can talk to me about it.

Case closed (for now).

mimivan

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 10:19 am

CM...your avatar is usually a delight..but I just can't help it...on this thread it makes me feel a little embarrassed..

I just can't imagine Mr. Spock handing someone maxi pads..

No offense, but .. LOL

Fabulous ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 10:22 am

My mother was too embarrassed

to tell me so she took me to my pediatrician (a woman) to explain it. Apparently she had done that for my older sister as well and her mother had done that to her. I guess the older generation of women in my family had a hard time talking about it.

RightOnTarget

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 10:28 am

Tefila wrote:

indianamom5 wrote:

Also, what do you think about the book-the wonder of becoming you?

I have heard it's a good book, why not give it to her read then ask her if she has any questions?

My mom gave it to me to read about that age. It was perfectly clear and worked well for me. But every child is different. You have to make sure you have an open relationship with your daughter that she'll feel comfotable coming to ask you questions.

↑ ChossidMom

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 10:33 am

mimivan wrote:

CM...your avatar is usually a delight..but I just can't help it...on this thread it makes me feel a little embarrassed..

I just can't imagine Mr. Spock handing someone maxi pads..

No offense, but .. LOL

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 8:22 pm

I have a question

when u have this talk with your 10 or 11 yr old dd do you tell them the other facts of life, like how a baby is made etc..... or do you leave that till they are older

↑ Fabulous

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 8:24 pm

I only have the point of view of the daughter, but I was not told and I found out on my own later. I do think it might be a good idea to explain everything at once

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 8:51 pm

tomorrow wrote:

Embarrassed to ask

what kind of education do boys need? DS is 12 1/2 and his ped said he's stage 2, I asked what does it mean for me? The reply, nothing--only he'll be growing a lot now!

octopus

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 8:54 pm

Well, you ladies that tell your daughters at ten or eleven- I found out when I was 8- about periods and stuff (not about the facts of life) and it wasn't from my mom. Even at this age, it is possible to find out from others.

bella

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 9:10 pm

With my son (12), I've had to take care of this in pieces because it isn't my husband's cup of tea. What I'm saying is that it's important for it to be from a parent only.[/quote]

Embarrassed to ask

what kind of education do boys need? DS is 12 1/2 and his ped said he's stage 2, I asked what does it mean for me? The reply, nothing--only he'll be growing a lot now![/quote]

I think it's important for boys to know about changes taking place with their bodies too. With us, both my husband and I talk openly, (though separately) with the boys as well as the girls. It seems like these conversations come up naturally; not a real sit-down type of talk. Some of the conversations come up in the course of learning, actually. If you think about it, there are many mature themes in Torah. When the kids are younger we tend to gloss over these issues, and sometimes, just skip them, but when we feel they're ready to hear it, we use it as a teachable moment.

It seems like the lead-in for the boys was their asking where babies come from, and specifically how babies are made. They seemed to ask specific questions about how the babies got inside the mother and what the father contributed to the mix. This led us to talking about the woman's egg, and the man's seed combining. Then we segue into where the man's seed is made in the body - and how it comes out.

One important reason to talk about this with boys is so that they know that things might happen down there that might not be in their control, including at night. I didn't want my boys to think they were wetting the bed, especially since a couple of my boys were late bed-wetters.

↑ BeershevaBubby

Sun, Feb 08 2009, 11:46 pm

amother wrote:

I have a question

when u have this talk with your 10 or 11 yr old dd do you tell them the other facts of life, like how a baby is made etc..... or do you leave that till they are older

I waited until they were older.

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