Carpool | Imamother

starfish2 ↓

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 3:29 pm

What's your rule with carpool. If you child is sick, you arrange for someone else to drive the other kids in the carpool home? What if they are sick for a week? Do you tell the carpool to figure driving out amongst themselves and you're not involved?

I'm in a carpool with another family. My child and theirs. I don't see how it's worth it if my son is sick 3 days Chas veShalom to still drive anyways or even make up the days. My son isn't getting a ride for those days so why make it up? My feeling is, I'll try to find someone else to take their son, if I can't, they have to pick him up on their own.

cassandra ↓

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 3:36 pm

Wrong. Your day is your day regardless of whether your child is in the car. Sometimes the other parent will be nice and offer to pick up but it isn't their responsibility. Carpools have a set schedule for a reason and people rely on those schedules, sometimes well in advance of that week. I think you're making a mistake, but if it's only one other family and they agree to this rule then go ahead.

↑ starfish2 ↓

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 4:07 pm

you're telling me that I need to drive the other child every single day of the entire week if my child is not getting a ride from them the entire week?

3Qts

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 4:09 pm

Yes because if thier child is not feeling well you wont appreciate taking and picking up your child twice a day.
Also this is a yearly thing so one week out of a year you are maybe not getting the best deal but you have to look at the whole picture.

↑ cassandra ↓

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 4:11 pm

Carpool is like a yearly contract, not one that renews every day or every week. How would you feel if they dropped you next week because they found someone with a nicer car or something? Isn't a deal a deal?

↑ starfish2 ↓

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 5:33 pm

I agree however concessions need to be made if you absolutely can't find anyone to pick their kid up they need to do it if you can't take your sick kid in the car.

I get the inflexibility of official carpool rules. Next year, IY"H, no carpool. It's easier for me to do it myself.

Raisin

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 5:39 pm

shaina22 wrote:

no its not. iI don't carpool because I live so close to the school, while its no big deal for other parents to drop off my kid on the way home, it would be a 15-20 minute detour for me to take most other peoples kids home. Even thoughits only a 2 minute drive, its still 20 minutes each time. 2 times a day. 3 on one day.

if your kid is sick enough that they can't go in the car discuss it with the other parent. maybe you can offer to do more pick ups another week instead. if you mess them around maybe they will mess you around too.

greenfire

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 6:03 pm

since it's only 1 other person I would imagine you can discuss it with them ... if they are entirely inflexible in general I would cancel ... what happens when their kid is sick do they want to pick up & drop off yours ...

Barbara

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 6:20 pm

greenfire wrote:

Absolutely discuss it. Chances are the other person will understand OP not wanting to drag her sick kid out to do carpool.

The problem is that people often arrange their lives around the carpool schedule. Eg, Miriam's mom picks up the girls on Tuesday, Sarah's mom therefore doesn't need the car and her DH drives to work. If Miriam's out sick, Sarah's mom still has no way to pick Sarah up.

Fox

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 6:26 pm

Ah, carpool! Each carpool has its own rhythms and rules, and one inflexible or just plain unpleasant apple can spoil the whole year!

I always think of Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst, sh"lita, dayan of Chicago, who once said that there were more people in the community "not speaking" as a result of carpooling than anything else! We can call upon ahavas Yisroel to get past hashkafic differences, etc., but a bad carpool seems beyond most people's ability to forgive!

I've been in some wonderful ones as well as some dreadful ones over the years! Good luck!

mom23

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 6:34 pm

I was in a dreadful carpool for 2 years. It scarred me enough to do carpool on my own with 3 kids going to 3 different schools. I was out 4 to 5 times a day depending on the schedule. That lasted one year, and I was very torn about joining another carpool. I decided I had to since I was due with the next baby, and I would need to rely on someone to help me.

B"H I have been in the most wonderful carpool for the past 2 years. I do it with one other person and we are both flexible and have helped each other out in the time of need. We are committed and responsible about our schedules, but when emergencies happen we always are there for each other. We also proactively look for a way to repay any favors we were given.

My advice is to look to be in a carpool with like-minded people who hold the same way you do.

micki

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 6:48 pm

if your child is sick you still need to make arrangements. either tell them- you take this week and I'll take next for you or the other family may offer to just do it, knowing htat when their kid is sick CHVS then you will do the whole time.
B"H I am in an excellent carpool where we each give the other. if someones kid is sick then I'll cover for them happpily knowing theyu will do the same for me.

the esiest is to discuss these things at the beginning of the year so when it comes up you know what to do.
I reme

MiamiMommy

Tue, Feb 03 2009, 8:22 pm

I have a great carpool mate- we just call each other when a kid is sick.

Even if she'd offer to do the carpool, I really wouldn't want my kids in the car with a sick one!

↑ starfish2 ↓

Thu, Feb 05 2009, 12:58 pm

thank you for all of these replies.

The other mother is not understanding. I'm probably sticking it out until the end of the year but if I have to drop it in the middle due to her inflexibility, I will.

↑ cassandra

Thu, Feb 05 2009, 1:08 pm

I don't think she's being inflexible. I think you're expecting too much. When you join a carpool you're entitled to expect that you will only drive one way or on certain days. If she wants to be nice because of extenuating circumstances and pick up for you on days when your son isn't there or whatever that's always fine, but that's a chesed on her part. I'm sure she has her reasons for not wanting to, not that she even needs them.

(Refuah Sheleima to your son, btw)

ChavieK

Thu, Feb 05 2009, 1:33 pm

I think Cassandra is right. I might not want my child in the car with a sick child, but on the otherhanb if I am at work or an appointment, then what should I do? Did you ask around if anyone else has room for her child? If you find him another ride, then she can't complain.

sv9506

Thu, Feb 05 2009, 1:44 pm

The way I look at it - the other person is relying on you. Her schedule is made around the fact that she doesn't have to carpool on certain days. If you could find someone else to take her child then thats fine, otherwise talk to her and see if she could do this week and you could pick up extra days in the coming weeks to make up for it. I dont think that she is inflexible if she says that she cant do it, but I do feel that she is being inflexible if she doesnt try to work other things out with you.

↑ starfish2

Thu, Feb 05 2009, 6:28 pm

cassandra, my son isn't sick B"H and I found your comments somewhat rude.

That being said, we're going around in circles here.

I was saying that if I absolutely can't find someone to pick up her son (emergencies do come up) she is going to need to do it. This is what I mean about being inflexible. He's her son, she needs to pick him up if there's an emergency.

newmom

Thu, Feb 05 2009, 8:47 pm

Sorry Shaina, you are outnumbered. Carpool has sacred rules. Your days are your days are your days, ie-your responsibility. Many people's work schedule revolves around their carpool days, so you can't be flippant about it.

You posed a question, got answers you didn't like, and now your calling Cassandra rude??!!!! Next time don't bother asking if you can't handle when people (respectfully) disagree with you.