Help my 4 year old still wets during the day

scheins ↓

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 1:16 am

My son is 4 and he still makes accidents. I know he does not have a medical problem because during the summer we got him to stop the accidents by promising a toy he wanted. he regressed around rosh hashanah time. I have been trying to bribe him with another toy that he wants but it is not working. he has to get seven stars in a row to get the toy. he does a day or two in a row where he is dry all day and then he wets his pants again. I don't know what to do anymore. I am running out of ideas. if anyone has any ideas I would really appreciate it.

Mimisinger

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 1:30 am

It still could be a medical issue - either physical or psychological. Bring him to the doc.

Also, the stress of the stars system might be more harmful than good. I don't know his issue, but I would think that he's just as embarrassed if not more than you are, and it's all stressing him out and making it even harder for him.

Crayon210 ↓

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 1:33 am

What do you think happened to make him regress around Rosh Hashana?

How long had he been fully trained before then?

↑ scheins ↓

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 1:34 am

he does not care!! he could care less when wets his pants.

↑ scheins ↓

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 1:37 am

I would say about a month to six weeks with a few accidents in between so according to me he was not fully trained but to the point where it was better and getting better. the only thing that I could think of that could cause his regression is that is little brother went onto the bunkbed they share.

↑ Crayon210

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 1:38 am

Well, if he doesn't care, then I really don't know what you could do. Either the bribe is too big for him or he just doesn't care enough about it or he enjoys the control of having accidents more. In which case I think you kind of need to let him figure out when he does want to stop having accidents. Confused

↑ scheins ↓

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 1:42 am

so should I just stop with all of it? telling him to go and if he makes an accident to just leave him not say anything?

Tamiri ↓

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 5:04 am

Maybe just say nothing for a week or so and see what happens. A 4 yo knows what to do, let him choose whether to do it or not. It may be a power struggle. Put the ball in his court.
I would never make a 4 yo work for 7 days.... they lose track after 7 minutes (not really, but YNWIM?)! No bribes, nothing. It's something he has to come to terms with himself. Show him where the clean underwear and pants are, and then step back. You have nothing to lose.

drumjj

Sun, Jan 04 2009, 5:47 am

I was told by nursery teachers that eventually they wil just grow out of it and some kids at the age of four are still very young. I would ignore it and leave him also to sort hiimself out and if he wants to change himself let him go and just ignore it all together and see what happens

↑ scheins ↓

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 1:17 am

before I just let him do what he wants in term of going to the toilet or not should I talk to him and tell him that if he wants he can change himself but that I am not going to tell him to change or remind him to go or anything?

↑ Tamiri

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 1:29 am

You have to be fair. I imagine you can take him by the hand, while telling him he's old enough to go in the bathroom. You open the drawer where his underpants are, then open the drawer where his pants are and tell him, these are for you to use if you need to change yourself.
Don't talk about what *you* aren't going to be doing. Talk about what *he* is going to be doing for himself, so that he can disassociate the whole thing with it being mommy's responsibility.
It's very hard, but if you give it a little time it may work wonders.

Amital

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 1:50 am

I agree with a lot of this advice.

Give the situation to him to control. It's his body, and he is the only one who can control it. I would even say something like that to him. Something like, "Mommy isn't going to he pushing you about using the bathroom. Making/going potty/(whatever term you use) is your job and your body, and you are in control of it. You know where your clean clothes are, so if you have an accident and need to change yourself, please do it."

If he doesn't know where things are, show him. Otherwise, he probably does know.

If he's wet, I wouldn't point it out, but I wouldn't let him sit on my lap or go outside in the cold or whatever other boundaries make sense. "Honey, mommy doesn't want pish on my lap, so while you are wet, you can't sit there." It doesn't make it his fault, but is just a statement of the logical reason. But otherwise, just let it be. I think it may take a few days of you not reacting for him to see that he IS in control. Be prepared for some testing!

If it's not a control thing with him, this won't work. But if it is about control, this is a good way to give it to him to handle.

↑ scheins ↓

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 2:13 am

thanks for all the advice I will try a week or two and we will see.

amother

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 9:54 am

My 6 1/2 year old son is still coming home wet from school at least once a week. When he was 4 the drs. said he will grow out of it, but he didn't.
we tried charts, it worked while we were doing the chart but after he regressed again.
we tried punishments, that totally did not work.
It is extremely frustrating!!! I finally at age 5 went with him to a top urologist. they did extensive testing and this is what they found out: he has a tendency to get constipated, when they took the back x-rays, he was SO constipated, the dr. was shocked! He said just like a pregnant women's uterus presses on the bladder, so too here all that build up was pressing on his bladder and he just needed to go frequently. Another problem was that his bladder is smaller than normal, which is common, he just needs to learn to go more often.
At first we really worked on the constipation, I gave him a liquid enema and lots of fiber, but unfortunately on my part I have become lax about it, and I definitely see a difference.
I also explained to him that the bladder is like a balloon and his is smaller, so it holds less pee-pee and he needs to go more often.
I couldn't believe the change, just the knowledge that there was nothing signifigantly wrong, helped me deal with his issues.
It is still not perfect, as I said he comes home wet from time to time, but he has a long day in cheder and I know it's hard for him to keep running to the bathroom. On shabbos when he's home he is usually dry. now I have to tackle bed time...
There can be many reasons why your son wets during the day, even if the drs. say he'll grow out of it, I from personal experience think you should see a urologist and see what the problem is. A lot of children don't fully empty the bladder, or have not a signifigant flow, or don't even feel the urge etc... Don't wait another year....
Good Luck!

↑ scheins

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 10:48 am

Thanks