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So funny! Barbie



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Ambassador-to-KJ  




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 23 2005, 12:25 pm
This is not to offend anyone just to give everyone a laugh LOL Good Shabbos.

In an effort to prop up lagging sales for their Barbie doll and Ken doll
line, Mattel has targeted the little Jewish girl market with Barbie
dolls that reflect Jewish culture.

Kollel Barbie comes with several jobs as her accessories and a tummy
that inflates and deflates in nine month cycles. Kollel Ken comes with a
bench to sit on and a table to put his gemara on. Ken's head fits perfectly
into the contours of the gemara accessory and is equipped to drool and snore away the day while Barbie tends to the babies and her 17 jobs.

Hasidic Barbie comes with permanent stockings and is bald, but you'll
never know because it's covered with a state-of-the-art shpitzel and pillbox hat.
Hasidic Ken comes with downward-looking eyes because he's not allowed to look at other dolls.

Yeshivish Barbie comes with 84 snoods, 174 hats, 24 non-Indian hair
sheitels and one tichel that allows her hair to show a bit when she's
feeling naughty. Yeshivish Ken comes with one suit, one crumpled hat,
and one pair of tzitzis that drag on the ground.

Modern Barbie comes with pants, plus a helmet and body armor to protect
her from the stones thrown at her by ultra-orthodox Ken dolls that come with the Meah Shearim playset.

Upper West Side Barbie comes with 74 single Ken dolls she considers
friends because she doesn't think of them "that way." Little does she know that 37 of the Ken dolls have like this totally huge crush on her. She also comes with Kleenexes to wipe away the tears that she sheds every time Skipper reminds her that "Friends" is over.

These new dolls, with their controversial accessories, did not go uncontested. Several organizations, including the Anti Defamation Kollel
League, the Anti Defamation Hasidic League, the Anti Defamation Yeshivish League, the Anti Defamation Modern League and the Anti Defamation Upper West Side League have voiced concern over the stereotypes these dolls represent. In a press release, Mattel said, "Tough noogies, just WAIT till we come out with Niddah Barbie, we KNOW that's gonna push some buttons!"
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technic




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 24 2005, 1:06 pm
del

Last edited by technic on Wed, Dec 28 2005, 5:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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  Ambassador-to-KJ




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 24 2005, 9:12 pm
Quote:
perfect (and has already been posted on another thread!!!)


Oh well, lol, its the kind of joke you can hear twice anyways right ? Confused [/quote]
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Purple Hug Bunny




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 25 2005, 12:28 am
I'd like to purchase the whole set..
Eerr.. how much does it sell for?
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lucky  




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 25 2005, 9:50 am
Also about Barbie......


CEO
Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, California


Dear Mr. CEO:

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but it's definitely payback time! There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).
So, here's my 1997 resolution/wish list:
A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and mold imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
A real man ... maybe GI Joe. , I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend, Ken. And what's with that earring, anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.
Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away, once he is anatomically correct.
Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.
A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec!
A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips ... "Animal Rights Barbie," with my very own pain gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs ... or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years -- I think I deserve it.
Ok, Mr. CEO, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new doll for next x-mas. It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie

Dreamhouse
Malibu, California
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  lucky




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 25 2005, 9:52 am
Yes, it's hard to believe, but in 1999 Barbie will turn 40, just in time to greet the new century. And they've been 40 full, rich years. She began as a glamorous airline stewardess when she was introduced at Toy Fair in 1959. She soared into space as an astronaut in 1974, ran for President in 1992, and in 1997, she bore disability bravely, folding her first-ever bending legs into a wheelchair, to become a role model once again for a newly identified market.
In every incarnation, nationality and skin tone, she's perfectly turned out, with accessories galore at her long slender fingertips. She's Everywoman, she's the Cosmo Girl, she has it all. So, what will Mattel think of next as the company meets the challenge of Barbie turning 40?
Why fight age? Why not capitalize on it in every way possible? Here are some ideas Mattel might consider for a past 40 Barbie.
Bifocals Barbie
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Hot Flash Barbie
Press Barbie's belly button and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
Flabby Arms Barbie
Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muumuus are back! Tummy support panels are included. Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.
Bunion Barbie
Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.
No More Wrinkles Barbie
Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
Soccer Mom Barbie
All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
Divorced Barbie
Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
Single Mother Barbie
There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.
Recovery Barbie
Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
Post Menopausal Barbie
Poor Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, she comes with the book, "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self."

Who knows when Barbie will have outlived her usefulness? From Dream House to Nursing Home, the possibilities and accessories are
endless.
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