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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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↑ daamom

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 1:24 pm

Ok, you beat me to it, Avigailmiriam.
I'm talking from NY experience - I guess I can't imagine an American city without great public transportation. Still, if you live within walking distance from most places, I can't imagine there aren't sidewalks for pedestrians. Or get a bike.

↑ greenfire ↓

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 1:26 pm

oh puhleeze - unless you're in the new york vicinity ... a car is a must ...

do you own a washing machine or must you go to a laundromat ... is the detergent an issue ... why can't you get the kids clothing washed ???

here's a brainstorm ... start doing laundry for a service in your building and include as part of the payment a free load for you including detergent ... Idea

Strudel

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 1:28 pm

daamom wrote:

Please don't get me started on public transport here in Chicago. It used to take me 90 mins to get to my job- 7 miles away!!! Without a car its tough living here.
Plus, we go to gemachs and food banks which are always a car ride away. How are you suppose to carry the food you get home (box of chicken for Shabbos, grape juice etc) without a car? It's heavy!

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 1:35 pm

daamom wrote:

Oh, there is definitely public transportation here but its more local and generally jews do not use it. And of course ther are sidewalks with plenty of people walking on them. But I dont think there is anyone here who doesnt have at least one car, most have 2. You wont understand it unless you live here. If I have to go to a doctor who is 45 minutes away there is no way to get there without a car.

↑ chanagital ↓

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 1:37 pm

OK... no washer no dryer in house... hence laundromat here I come. I use the one around the corner or the one on the apartment grounds. Once again I DO wash the clothes regularly and misstated that earlier. Got to have a car or have unlimited time... it takes four hours to go to my dd school on a bus cause the rout isn't right to the school. I live 15 min away by car to her school. If I want to go shopping for food we are looking at a two mile walk. It would work but I couldn't get anything else done that day. Internet is free.. dhs job pays for it. We are looking at refinancing the car does anyone have a good company or know of a car company that might buy our car from us and give us another and pay off the loan. Since we have bad credit our car payments are 700 dollars approximately. No it's not a lease.

Last edited by chanagital on Mon, Nov 24 2008, 1:56 am; edited 1 time in total

OldYoung

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 1:49 pm

Each payment is $700???????? How much longer will you be making the payments for? I live in an area where a car is a must, so I can understand how others could definitely need a car. But we paid under $2000 total for our gently used Dodge Neon on Craigslist. True, it's not a minivan. But no payments, besides for general maintenance, ever. What kind of car do you have?

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:14 pm

am I understanding this right?

you're making a $700 car payment every month, but going to a food bank???

I'm really lost.

You can buy a whole used car for $700.... there's your $700 back per month to buy your own groceries.

↑ chanagital ↓

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:23 pm

We don't talk about why the car payment is too high... it plays with shalom bias... I will give you this clue... my name is not on the lease. My dh figured it out too late now he wants to give the car back.. bad for credit...and find someone who would dare lease us a car. Yes we bought the car new at the time and have been paying on it for approx 2 years with a few more to go. We got a raw deal to say the least. High APR with too many months etc...

Last edited by chanagital on Mon, Nov 24 2008, 1:57 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ yogajew

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:48 pm

For the car:
It's definitely a good idea to try to trade-in. I don't know of any people/companies around the L.A. area, but hopefully someone else will chime in.

Job-wise: Are you willing to take a job that may be lower than your standards? If so, I'm sure you can get a job as an office assistant, data entry, or something like that. Maybe try a temp agency.
I have a masters degree and I clean houses part-time to make extra cash. Do I enjoy it...not so much. But it pays the bills (btw...ny mothers, I'm available Smile

)

Also, don't feel bad about going to a food bank, taking loans, etc... I'm sure you would do the same for others if they needed something.

After everything is said and done, maybe your family would benefit from some credit counseling.

About telling other people/asking for help, I think you should. Do your parents or his parents know the severity of the situation? Does your Rav?

↑ ShakleeMom

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:00 pm

Your parents sound like the “I told you so” people. I would NOT share anything with them, it will only cause you grief and stress.

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:16 pm

since we do live in brooklyn we decided that since things are pretty accessible we do not have a car (we only have 1 kid so far) we invested in a valco stroller with todler seat to hold packages and also in a good bike for my husband so he can get places and also get the shopping and/or run errands. I have noticed something some pple in the same stage (1 kid) feel they must must have a car and cant imagine being without one even in brooklyn. It is a big expense ie. insurance gas maintanance etc!

↑ chanagital ↓

Wed, Nov 19 2008, 6:54 pm

I am willing to take any honest job that will afford me to put my kids in preschool or daycare.. if I have to pay more for child care than I earn it isn't worth it. We are already struggling with dh salary and childcare can't take from that.

Last edited by chanagital on Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:00 am; edited 1 time in total

BusyBeeMommy

Wed, Nov 19 2008, 11:53 pm

Why don't you try to find a work at home position as another poster suggested? That would take care of daycare. And $1500 a month for tuition is ridiculous for s/o in ur situation. Tell your school you need a break.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 5:28 am

I live in brooklyn, used to own a car,do not right now. My husband's alreadylow salary (self-employed) is cut at least in half bec. it takes so much more time to travel and get tools for all the jobs he is hired out to. Definitely hold on to the car. In Brooklyn most schools are low on funds themselves and do not give big breaks on tuition. I have heard that california is really strict about tuition. With our economy the situation is not getting any easier. Try all the above ideas , but don't feel low if you still need to reach out for help Exclamation

Lot's of luck.

Tamiri

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 5:54 am

chanagital wrote:

Since we have bad credit our car payments are 700 dollars approxamatly.

I don't understand how bad credit caused car payments to be $700. Didn't you know what they would be when you signed for the car?
In my book, the purchaser's desire for an expensive car led to the $700 payments. I understand that it wasn't you, but it may be a good idea to change the way you (both of you?) view expenditures. No one is forced to take a $700 car . It's probably a good idea to pay whatever penalty there is (assuming it's a lot less than the time you have left to make $700/month payments) to get rid of that dead weight car and buy something inexpensive.

↑ chanagital ↓

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 6:17 am

I repeat the car wasn't my choice... hubby bought it behind my back I wasn't even there. I just have to live with the results. As far as the payments it is because we had a bankruptcy about 6 years ago and we have been trying to rebuild our credit since. But we have given back other cars too unfortunately... I hate to point fingers but well... dh isn't innocent unfortunately I let him have too many opportunities to mess with all the money. After all he does work hard for the money.

Last edited by chanagital on Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:01 am; edited 1 time in total

ora_43 ↓

Mon, Nov 24 2008, 1:53 am

So let me see if I have this straight--you have three kids, but your husband insists on a three-bedroom apartment. And you can't afford to do laundry on a regular basis, but he insists on a $700/month car when a used car costs $2000.

If that's the situation, I can't imagine you'll get a tuition break, and honestly, I don't think you should. Tuition breaks are for people who can't afford tuition, period, not for those who can't afford it while maintaining the lifestyle they could afford to live outside the Jewish community (ie, without the higher housing costs, kosher food, tuition). If you still can't afford it after ditching the expensive car and finding a smaller + cheaper place, then you should approach the tuition committee, but now there's probably no point.

I find it really disturbing that you'd rather go to a food bank and let your older daughter go without clean clothes than challenge your husband about his spending priorities. Maybe your rabbi could talk to him?

I would say your first step should be to ditch the car. You can get rides with neighbors, walk or bus for just three months and then you'll have enough money for a used car. After that, you'll have an extra $700 in your budget each month, and from there, if you take the teacher's aide job, you'll have enough money to send your preschooler to the Jewish school on your $1600/month while using the $700/month to pay for daycare for your youngest.

If you really, really can't imagine ditching the car for even three months, you'll have to earn $2000 for a used car on your own. Can you work from home? There are jobs in sales and secretarial work that allow you to work from home, or you could work as a childcare provider and watch a couple more toddlers along with your own kids. Alternatively, you could work at night after your husband gets home.

You could also put your kids in daycare--not private Jewish school--while you work. Since you're living in the Jewish community, there might be a mom or two running a small private daycare from her home. If not, maybe realizing that your only option is to put your 4-year-old into a non-Jewish setting will shock your husband into cutting back somewhere else instead.

↑ chanagital ↓

Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:23 am

I do have three kids, and we both (dh & I) prefer a three-bedroom apartment. We do laundry on a regular basis including occasional trips to my parents despite previous comments to the contrary in earlier posts. he doesn't insist on a $700/month car but we are stuck with the car loan and if we default it hurts our credit and we'll need a car even if we do forfeit the car.
The school won't give a tuition break for my two younger children because they are preschool age. We can't afford $2000-$3000 a month in tuition fees. That is ridiculous and most people can't afford that much in addition to paying rent/mortgage etc... unless you're doing well financially. For your info, when we lived outside the Jewish community we still drove 90 minutes to LA to get kosher food so our food bill wasn't cheaper as you implied.

I find it disturbing that you judge me since you are not the true judge and don't know the whole situation. As I've pointed out I misstated earlier and we do laundry regularly. MY dh doesn't have expensive spending habits and we're doing our best to lower our living expenses.

ditch the car? How do you propose we schlep 5 ppl around if neighbors have a small car? what if I can't walk for various reasons? Trust me I would love to "ditch" the car and the hefty payment but I still need to schelp the kids and dh to work. we can't all walk around LA all the time. LA is more spread out than NYC and doesn't have adequate public transit. The pay for the job was $800 PER MONTH not every two weeks. That wouldn't pay for one child's tuition so I'd lose money.

Yes I could work from home. I've looked extensively for the jobs you speak of and haven't found any.
I don't have the strength to work a night job after performing the full time job of taking care of two young children all day.

Daycare here is not cheap (minimum $700 a month per child). We are relatively new to the community so we don't have a close social network with people yet and can't rely on friends or family for assistance or help with childcare, food or money as many of the other posters seem to have.

To summarize:

We should lower the car payment or get rid of the car when we can. Hopefully the lender is willing to work with us given the current economic situation in this country. We'll seek any assistance we can get. We've already cut out any non-essential costs we have. We also are very resourceful when it comes to meals. My children don't have dirty clothes but they do have hand me downs that are used. So B"H the situation will improve shortly.

↑ ora_43 ↓

Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:59 am

chanagital--
You can't expect to get advice that fits your situation if you give wrong information and don't mention things that are important. That's like if I post "can someone help I make $10,000 a month and can't afford tuition" and then later say "oh whoops wait I meant $1,000 how dare all of you say I should be able to afford tuition on my salary." I hope you realize how ridiculous that would be.

You said your daughter went to school in dirty clothes. You said you were being offered $1,600 a month. You said you can't discuss the car "for shalom bayis reasons." Now all of a sudden you can do laundry, the job offer was $800 a month and the car can't be gotten rid of for practical reasons that have nothing to do with shalom bayis. And you're upset that I was "judging" by saying you shouldn't get a tuition break because....? You gave a TOTALLY DIFFERENT SCENARIO.

I still think that your preference for a larger apartment should be put aside while you work to dig yourself out of debt, but maybe you have some really good reason you need three bedrooms that you just haven't seen fit to share until now.

↑ amother

Mon, Nov 24 2008, 10:23 am

If I were taking food from a food bank, I'd be living with however many kids in a ONE bedroom apartment. A three bedroom apartment is a luxury.

If I were taking food from a food bank, I certainly wouldn't be making a car payment. A car payment is a luxury.

Yep, it's HARD to live in one room and not have a car. And it's HARD to work at night after you've been home with kids all day. Motherhood is HARD, but you have to do what you have to do.

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