When your sister-in-law has a baby

amother

DarkCyan

Yesterday at 11:45 am

I come from a very large family and so does my husband. I am not rich and not super close to all but absolutely text/call a Mazal tov right away depending on the individual. I also buy or chip in for a gift. I like to send food as well-either a meal or even cookies and/or a soup.
I just had a baby and was so touched w every call , gift and food delivery and it made me feel so supported. We all need this after a baby.

amother

Amethyst

Yesterday at 11:51 am

My husbands sisters usually send an obligatory text wishing me Mazel tov if anything. Some did, some didn’t. They’re not the type to do more unfortunately, they don’t really have much with me to the point that I wasn’t even greeted at a recent simcha even after I greeted them

I think the answers will depend on family dynamics..my in laws treat daughters in laws like outsiders so even the text would be considered a lot lol

My mother in law doesn’t even visit for MONTHS afterwards so I’m just thankful I have my own family involved bh

amother

Razzmatazz ↓

Yesterday at 3:32 pm

I think it's interesting that sending a meal and a gift is listed and referred to as the same category.
To me that's two completely different things

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 6:30 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

I feel same as you.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 6:40 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I think it's interesting that sending a meal and a gift is listed and referred to as the same category.
To me that's two completely different things

Of course it's different things and different level of effort, investment in the relationship. For the sake of this poll however it served my purpose to see if sending something, anything, is such a special thing that should only be reserved for ppl we are close with. To me, immediate family should get something regardless of closeness. It's what you do for family, like you go to their simchos, you send something after a baby, no matter how you personally feel.

Ema of 5

Yesterday at 6:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

What do you do? Does it matter to you if it's your brother's wife, your husband's sister, or your husband's brother's wife?

I voted what I do which is call and send a gift or a meal, depending on what I can do or what I think they'd appreciate more.

When I had my last baby, each of my sisters came over or called and two of them brought over food, and they all sent a gift. My SILs, otoh, some only sent a gift and when I called them to thank them, they said their mazel tovs. One called and didn't send anything. Three didn't call and didnt send anything, it was as if they didn't even know I had a baby, no acknowledgment at all. Just wondering how common it is...

My only sister in law are on my husband’s side. Whenever someone has a baby, we all chip in together for a gift.

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Today at 1:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Of course it's different things and different level of effort, investment in the relationship. For the sake of this poll

I meant that even in the comments people seem to write "gift or meal"

amother

↑ Razzmatazz

Today at 1:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

But yes, I agree

amother

Anemone

Today at 2:36 pm

My sils all live a plane ride away.
I have four sils and 3 of them are my husband's sisters (he doesn't have brothers)
I call them and usually send a gift for under or around 50$
I obviously don't send meals but if they were in town I would.
My other sil (brother's wife) doesn't have kids yet.
I have 2 sisters who are married and one lives near me. When she had a baby
we spoke, I visited and brought a gift.
When my other sister had a baby I sent her a gift and eventually visited her after around 2 weeks.
I try not to differentiate between my sils and sisters. Everyone is family and each new neice or nephew is a big deal for us.

amother

Tangerine

Today at 2:42 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

We post mazal tovs on the family chat. If I’m close to the sis in law then I’ll text her personally too, but if not then I don’t.

I’m antisocial postpartum and don’t like it when people reach out and overwhelm me. A text is appreciated, more than that is not.

We’re a big family and gifts for every baby would be expensive. We all chip in to get a big present for everyone’s first baby, then only the rich members of the family give gifts for babies after that.

Same! I always feel like I have to pick up when people call me and I really don't want to talk to people. My favorite was the person who texted me that they are wishing me Mazel Tov and if I am up to it they can call but if not no worries.

I have it very easy postpartum and I'm usually right back into it but the one thing I'm not interested in doing is being sociable with people who don't live in my immediate household.

amother

Orange

Today at 4:15 pm

For sure a call. They can always ignore it if it is not a good minute. I leave a voicemail with my mazel tov and say don't call me back. I also try to check in on them a little while later, maybe at 10 days or so. Sometimes they want to shmooze while they feed the baby. If the simcha was local, I try to attend the bris or kiddish. I want them to feel my excitement. I would do the same for a friend.

Yes a gift. We all chip in together.