Do you enjoy going to simchos or you go out of obligation

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Do you enjoy going to simchos?

No, I only go because I feel obligated

46%

[ 103 ]

Yes, I love getting dressed and going to simchos

[ 17 ]

Depends on the night, weather, hormones

43%

[ 97 ]

Other

[ 5 ]

Total Votes : 222

amother

Pistachio

Today at 8:12 am

If close family or close friend I enjoy otherwise I go bec obligated. I’m an introvert.

Ruchel

Today at 8:13 am

I like the smachos where I sit with my husband or I know people

amother

Cream

Today at 8:19 am

giftedmom wrote:

Let’s all keep in mind that imamother is largely introverted. I see plenty people enjoying themselves by simchas.

I rather think its because we are invited to too many. BH the generationa have really grown and there are just too many for me to keep up with. It simchos were an occasional event, then I would be so happy to go. But having to go every other week is (or multiple times a week for a close wedding), is just too much.

We need to scale back these events to reintroduce the appropriate simcha into it.

amother

Dimgray

Today at 8:19 am

amother Azalea wrote:

I hate going to family simchahs when all I exist for is to "make" their simchah.

Same. I've been the "audience member" of the family forever. My literal purpose is to show up for their events. And so I stopped.

lamplighter

Today at 8:33 am

I hate the whole hassle of going but once I'm there I enjoy it.

Bnei Berak 10

Today at 8:36 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

I said "yes", but I'm a BT with toooootally non-religious family, so I only go to friends'weddings and their sons britot (soon may barei/batei mizvot too beezrat hashem), so it's a very rare thing since I have few friends. Like once every 2 years or something.

With time you'll find yourself with a lot more Smile

amother

Ebony

Today at 8:42 am

If I feel like I’m invited I enjoy myself if I feel like im summoned to show up I hate it. I voted no bec most people make it feel like a summons more than an invite

amother

DarkYellow

Today at 10:16 am

I actually enjoy going to close family simchas, overall. I enjoy watching the cousins play/hang out together, I enjoy catching up with the family members that I don't speak with often, I enjoy feeling "part of something bigger" -- feeling like we're all one big wonderful family.

I don't have a huge family, though, and neither does dh, so these simchas are generally not more than once a year. If I was going every week or two, I would definitely not enjoy them.

But I voted "out of obligation" for the poll because I assumed you were talking about simchas of friends and random people. There are maybe three people who I am not related to that I would probably enjoy going to their simchos, or at least not dread them. Most simchos are not pleasant for me. I don't love socializing with people I don't really know. The noise and bustle is overwhelming for me (and that's even without the music). I don't honestly enjoy my own simchos either, for that reason, and just make them for the child so that they're not the odd one out.

And I'm not even up to the point that my friends are making weddings yet. Almost there, my oldests are teens, but I've only gotten invited to a couple of neighbor weddings so far. They weren't close, so I drove to them, spent ten minutes waiting in line to say mazel tov, said mazel tov, then left.

I hope that by the time I'm iy'H making a wedding, standards have changed. Not holding out much hope, though.

amother

Daylily

Today at 10:23 am

My husband always says over what his eight grade rebbe told the class. "Don't have a big bar mitzvah because all the adults who want to be there could fit into your parents house anyway"

They really need to make smaller simchas and smaller simcha halls. I suspect that some of the wedding invitations I receive are only being sent because the people need to fill up a minimum amount of reservations.

Teenagers and children like going to simchas. People who have small children at home and people who are getting older, not as much...

amother

Saddlebrown

Today at 10:41 am

amother OP wrote:

So far you are in good company. We all feel the same. Yet we spend thousands to make simchos and invite people who'd rather not come...

And my husband is always pressuring me to go because "who's going to come to our simchos if we don't go"

The whole thing makes no sense

mha3484

Today at 10:47 am

I like simchas, I enjoy socializing. My kids make fun of me for how long it takes me to leave a kiddush but if I was going to multiple simchas a week I would find it tiresome. So that's a big factor.

amother

Starflower

Today at 10:54 am

I must be on an entirely different planet.
I love going to simchas (ok maybe I hate getting there and the drive home, but I also hate erev Shabbos and cleaning up after shabbos, but love Shabbos more than anything!)

I am so happy to share in your simcha and dance with you. Can’t say I don’t love eating delicious food. I enjoy getting dressed up and feeling beautiful (which I don’t in my scrubs or pajamas).
I recently made a simcha and hope my guests enjoyed. I would hate to think I spent a bloody fortune for each person to come under duress. If you aren’t excited to go, make up a thinly veiled excuse and save the bal simcha the price of your dinner.

(And here I was feeling guilty about the people I wanted to invite but couldn’t (and hope I didn’t offend) due to budgetary constraints.)

amother

DarkKhaki

Today at 10:58 am

At this stage in my life with little kids and working a whole day I really don't enjoy it. I'm too tired at the end of the day and it's too much hassle to arrange babysitting

Could be when they are all older I will enjoy it more

amother

Thistle

Today at 11:01 am

A few years ago I had to go be menachem avel a few too many times that year for people who passed away too young. Since then my perspective has changed. I try so hard not to miss a simcha. I would much rather hire a babysitter and drive an hour to celebrate with you than to comfort you in mourning.

pause

Today at 12:39 pm

I'm as introverted as they come, but I looove simchos. I love getting dressed up, I love dancing at weddings, I like eating good food that I didn't make, and I love catching up with some people whom I don't see otherwise. And when it's someone I close with, I am genuinely happy for them and glad to be there to show them. The hard part is when I come home, I need to decompress before I go to sleep (due to my introvertedness) which means even if the simcha wasn't a late night affair, I'll be going to sleep very late. Still worth it!!!

The only time I don't enjoy simchos is when I leave behind a nursing baby or a kid who isn't feeling well. Then every minute at the simcha is something I need to do, and I run off as soon as is socially appropriate.

613mitzvahgirl

Today at 1:04 pm

I don’t like it. Every thing about it stresses me out to no end. I literally get sick from it. And I send my husband and BhBh he is okay with it. We have a family simchas coming up all the time BhBh but I still don’t like going.

amother

Hosta

Today at 1:08 pm

I love going to my family Simchas! Even though I’m introverted and don’t like dressing up. When I love the people and am genuinely happy for them, I’m so happy to go and celebrate and catch up with the rest of the family.

My husband’s side of the family…not so much. I feel bad about it, but the family is just not as close as mine is, no matter how hard I try to connect.

amother

Celeste

Today at 1:24 pm

I enjoy going if it’s someone I’m close to. Classmates, cousins that I only speak to at simchas etc , I only go out of obligation and try to get out as soon as is socially acceptable.

I’m actually an extrovert.

I’d rather crash a random simcha than go to one that I know but I’m only going because “I have to go”

amother

Peru

Today at 9:47 pm

I only go to family simchas. I hate having to get dressed up and stay up late. I worry about my kids who were left behind with a baby-sitter. I don't like wearing shoes, tights or sheitels. I don't like having to sit upright when I'm tired and would prefer lying on the couch. I don't dance.
What part of a simcha would I enjoy?

amother

Mauve

Today at 9:53 pm

I dread going to simchos the whole day of a simcha. especially the ones that are in and out. I have to make arrangements, dress up, change from head to toe, leave my kids and then just to say mazel tov , give out compliments and go back home to do regular mommying and housework.

even when I go to simchos that I can be there for an hour or so, it's still very hard and I have to PUUUUSH myself but once I'm there it's enjoyable.

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