I DONT work full time because I love my husband

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:59 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

How short are your kids' school days that you can't manage working more than 2.5 hours a day? (if that) Asking genuinely.

And I'll flip your question and ask, What if that space is paying the credit card bill this month? What if that space is affording braces for your pre-teen? What if that space is sending a kid who really needs it to camp? What if that space is paying your electric bill this month without getting a shutoff notice or taking tzedakkah?

I work 5 hours a day 2 days a week (sometimes 3 days a week depending on the week- but if it’s too often wed lose Medicaid.)

My extra income minus the cost of insurance and childcare for those days is not leaving me with any of these extras, and then I’m harried.

amother

Aubergine

Yesterday at 9:06 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

I recently started helping my husband with the business.. but before that I actively made a choice not to work. It wasn't that we were very comfortable it was that we were willing to live with less. Didn't do vacations didn't go out to eat. Didn't spend a lot on clothing. hated when ppl told me ure so lucky that u don't need to work. Had to hold myself back from telling them. So many ppl can make the same choice especially when our children are young. I know not everyone. But if ppl are willing to live with a lot less and have less peer pressure more ppl can make it work.

Some of us are working so that we are able to live a bare bones life with no vacation, hand me downs from cousins for our kids and ourselves, and we haven’t been to a restaurant in recent history. So no, it’s not a choice that everyone can make. You are privileged that your husband earned enough for his income to cover a bare bones life.

↑ CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 9:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

WHO said hate? That’s your words not mine.

Who says you’re supporting me? We pay taxes on every cent of our income. Medicaid unfortunately puts the middle class in a bad state. None of our jobs offer insurance even for full time.

Who pays for medicaid?

↑ CPenzias

Yesterday at 9:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Medicaid?
Ok, so if you don't work because you LOVE your husband, what does that say about all of those who do work?

amother

↑ Holly ↓

Yesterday at 9:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

He knows. He also knows that me working more won’t help it. He knows that he needs to find something that pays more (in addition to my working what I am for now and increasing when things change).

Op, do you realize the bolded changing everything? Your title says you don't work because you love your husband.

The bolded says that if you would be able to make income that would help in a meaningful way, you'd gladly do so.

So the reason you don't work isn't because you love your husband. It's because (as you say) even if you did it wouldn't really help the finances anyway and so there's no point.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:20 pm

CPenzias wrote:

Medicaid?
Ok, so if you don't work because you LOVE your husband, what does that say about all of those who do work?

You also love your husband. Why does one have to be opposite the other.

Someone started a thread that she works 28 hours a week because she loves her husband. Does it make people who work more or less not love their husbands?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:21 pm

amother Holly wrote:

Right and yet I can still go to work because it shows the world I’m doing something (even though it’s just breaking even if anything). . I choose not to, because it’s not fair to my husband and to work like that and be harried for breaking even

amother

Dodgerblue

Yesterday at 9:22 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Yep, this is me. I work so, so, hard (40+ hours per week) and I'm constantly exhausted.

Sadly, we have nothing to show for it. We are in so much debt. I buy all my kids clothing at serendipity (a second hand clothing store) and am renting, because we don't have money to buy a home (I'm nearly 40 years old and most of my age group is in the stage of buying, or already owns)

So OP, I completely understand uoir reasoning. It's kind of like, what's the point anyways?

Ps, I'm not sad about my lot in life. I'm bh happy and healthy, and while I know financially it's tough, I am grateful for all the other good things in my life! (at the same time, I DO understand the burnout feeling)

amother

DarkMagenta

Yesterday at 9:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Some can, I cannot. Why is that disrespectful? If anything it’s more power to them that they can do it all. I cannot

You don't have to shove it in our faces
Most women I know work 30+ hours.
Lucky you that you're not working like a dog like the rest of us.

amother

↑ Holly

Yesterday at 9:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right, but it sounds like you're actually on the other side of your own argument.

Meaning your title seems to say that you are a better off not working because you can be there for your dh and family. Your op doesn't mention that it's pointless to work because you wouldn't bring in much anyway.

But you also say that if you would be able to make enough money (say 100k a year) it would be worth it for you to work.

So I think we actually all agree. A wife who can make decent money should work and do so rather than staying home and not work and have more time for family while accumulating massive debt.

mom37

Yesterday at 11:00 pm

Please ladies can we just support and cheer each other on and not constantly be tearing down others who choose to live their lives differently? We are all trying our best to do what we believe is right for our family, be that working full time, part time, from home or stay at home mom.
We all have different capabilities and physical and emotional resources. What someone else chooses to do does not take away from what you are doing. We don’t need to push people down to lift ourselves up.

chestnut

Yesterday at 11:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

What does it make women whose husbands don't earn enough to support their families and who still refuse to help out by working just because it's their husband's responsibility and they don't to make their own lives harder by working to contribute to the family income?

amother

↑ DarkKhaki

Today at 12:36 am

amother Acacia wrote:

I don't know why anyone would be offended by what OP posted. That's her reality. Good for her and if it works, amazing.

Because she has very specific circumstances that she only explained later in the thread, after posting a very click-baity and triggering title.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 12:46 am

amother Eggplant wrote:

Just curious. Does your DH agree with your choice?

We made the choice together. He knows that if I work more, more of the childcare will fall on him and he prefers to contribute by doing what he deems the more manly role of working full time (granted he doesn’t make a lot, but he knows if I work more he’s gotta take more home stuff on and he’d rather leave that to me).