I DONT work full time because I love my husband

amother

↑ Cherry

Fri, Jan 10 2025, 3:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

Well the one who said “I work 28 hours a week because I love my husband” is the same thing. If I don’t work 28 hours a week do I not love my husband?? I was just trying to show the other side. Maybe I should’ve said it’s a spin off

On didnt realize you were reacting to another thread. I didnt see that thread

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jan 10 2025, 4:02 pm

amother Cherry wrote:

On didnt realize you were reacting to another thread. I didnt see that thread

Yes sorry I should’ve been more clear. It was a direct spinoff of that

amother

Ghostwhite

Yesterday at 11:57 am

amother OP wrote:

It’s not an option it’s a choice.

No its not always a choice. I work full time because if I didnt we would be in more debt thsn we are already. I dont have wn option to not work full time. And my husband appreciates that beyond words.
But please realize thst of course its a choice, to be in debt or not. To be able to buy bread snd milk or not. To be able to buy a kid a new cot or boots if needed.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:16 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Yes that’s the choice. It’s always a choice but some choose not to have more debt and that’s absolutely an amazing choice. But it’s a choice.

CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 8:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

Because there has to be some space for mothers to breathe too and I think we need to speak about that.

Why is it less sensitive to say, I’m working full time and anyone who doesn’t is lazy.

There are two sides to every coin. None is right for someone else

Who says people who don't work full time are lazy? I certainly don't think that and I work full time and commute. I know if I was home I'd be doing exactly what I'm doing now. Sitting on my couch with my feet up scrolling on my phone.

↑ CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 8:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

We have a lot of debt but I make the choice of prioritize my mental health. Also though honestly, between my kids and all their appointments there isn’t much extra time.

We don’t either have fancy dinners or up to date wardrobes or spotless house

Your mental health isn't in the gutter from debt? Are you just unaware of your finances or you just don't care? How does your husband feel about this?

↑ CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 8:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

I am the OP and this was exactly my point. There is no right way. My not working is not any less right than someone’s working. Ultimately we make choices that we feel are appropriate and trust Hashem for the outcome

Exactly. There's no right way. So what was the point of your post? That you're not harried and are in debt but don't care because you're not harried? All of us who work full time are morons who hate their husband's?
How many kids do you have if I may ask? Sounds like you can't handle functioning with a large family....I bet your husband feels harried that the bills can't be paid

amother

DarkKhaki ↓

Yesterday at 8:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

No one was saying that.

But there is a LOT of space in between working 10 hours a week and working 40 hours a week. Can you not see that?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:32 pm

CPenzias wrote:

Your mental health isn't in the gutter from debt? Are you just unaware of your finances or you just don't care? How does your husband feel about this?

If I worked full time we would have debt too. There is no way my income (at the highest I can make in my field) would make enough to cover insurance and childcare full time and everything else. So we’d still be in debt.
I absolutely know what goes on with my finances. In fact I handle all the finances.
DH knows that if I worked more he would have to work less (kids appointments, not appropriate childcare in my town)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:33 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

No one was saying that.

But there is a LOT of space in between working 10 hours a week and working 40 hours a week. Can you not see that?

What if that space is losing Medicaid? I that worth it? What if that space is childcare before/ after school? What if that space is unpaid time every time kids have off?

↑ CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 8:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

What if that space is losing Medicaid? I that worth it? What if that space is childcare before/ after school? What if that space is unpaid time every time kids have off?

Then don't say "I don't work because I love my husband" instead say "I don't work because I love government assistance" smh.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:36 pm

CPenzias wrote:

B/c another mom posted that she works 28 hours because she loves her husband, and I wanted to present another side of this.
Whoever said anything about hating your husband and being a moron? I was just showing another side, love is not only displayed in making money. The words moron and hate were your words not mine.
I have 4 kids. Husband actually doesn’t feel harried, thanks for making assumptions though! I handle all the finances

amother

↑ DarkKhaki

Yesterday at 8:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

What if that space is losing Medicaid? I that worth it? What if that space is childcare before/ after school? What if that space is unpaid time every time kids have off?

How short are your kids' school days that you can't manage working more than 2.5 hours a day? (if that) Asking genuinely.

And I'll flip your question and ask, What if that space is paying the credit card bill this month? What if that space is affording braces for your pre-teen? What if that space is sending a kid who really needs it to camp? What if that space is paying your electric bill this month without getting a shutoff notice or taking tzedakkah?

amother

↑ Holly ↓

Yesterday at 8:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Op, this is a dire situation.

You clearly say that even if you'd work full time you wouldn't have enough to pay the bills and would be taking on debt.

Therefore you don't work and take on even more debt.

Can I ask approximately how much debt you're taking on a month? As in on a typical month around how much do your bills exceed your dh income?

It's obviously alot because you say that even if you'd work (and make 2.5k a month or 30k a year) you'd still be taking on debt.

It sound like you're taking on at least 4k a month in debt. Is this sustainable? How long can this go on for? Where is the debt?

↑ CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 8:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

What's the opposite of love? I work so I obviously hate my husband according to you.
According to me, if 4 kids makes you so harried that you can't support them, you probably should stop having kids. Just saying...because at this point, all of us tax paying hard working people are supporting you and you're gloating. I'd keep quiet 🤫

↑ CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 8:49 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

She's rather take tzedakah because she loves her husband. There's something wrong with us people who work.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:55 pm

CPenzias wrote:

She's rather take tzedakah because she loves her husband. There's something wrong with us people who work.

Who said tzedaka? Why are you all putting words in my mouth?

I never said there is something wrong. 🤔

↑ CPenzias ↓

Yesterday at 8:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

So he doesn't know your financial situation? He doesn't know you're going into more and more debt every month? How will he feel when he finds out?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:57 pm

CPenzias wrote:

WHO said hate? That’s your words not mine.

Who says you’re supporting me? We pay taxes on every cent of our income. Medicaid unfortunately puts the middle class in a bad state. None of our jobs offer insurance even for full time.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:57 pm

CPenzias wrote:

So he doesn't know your financial situation? He doesn't know you're going into more and more debt every month? How will he feel when he finds out?

He knows. He also knows that me working more won’t help it. He knows that he needs to find something that pays more (in addition to my working what I am for now and increasing when things change).