Best way to give DD access to credit/debit card

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 2:19 pm

DD, 18, has been an authorized user on one of my credit cards. She's not followed the rules about what she can and can't spend on, and I need to cut off that avenue for her. However, it's not realistic for her to always have cash, and there are times she needs to buy something that I will pay for (rather than debit from her own bank account)--it school supplies, if I send her on errands.

So, I need a way for her to have some of pre-paid debit card that I can load, and preferably where I can monitor her spending and even (possibly) set up rules, like....no Uber. Is there any such thing?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 2:25 pm

amother Pistachio wrote:

Can you Zelle her to her own account?

Yes, but then she can spend the money on whatever she wants to, rather than what she should be spending it on.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 2:27 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

Get her own card and account.

She will spend more than she can afford, and I'll be stuck paying the bill so she doesn't ruin her credit.
I need a way to send her money so can spend on what she needs, not have to transfer her money every time she needs to buy something, but have some automated controls in place.

I found a card called TrueLife that is intended for elderly adults, and I actually think that might work for us! There's also something called Greenlight I will look into.

amother

Bubblegum

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 4:11 pm

I second the CashApp recommendation. That's what I use for my teen son. It's very convenient. He has a physical card and I can add money from my phone in seconds.

amother

↑ Obsidian

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 4:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have a card in her name under my account. But it’s her account and card. I do have parental permissions and I deposit the money and I can see all the activity. She is under 18 though not sure until what age you can do it.

amother

White

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 4:30 pm

When my siblings were in seminary/yeshiva in Israel, my parents gave them a card that was connected to their account. It had my siblings name on the card but had a spending limit per day/week/billing cycle-I'm not sure which. I just know it wasn't unlimited.

amother

Tealblue

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 4:32 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

This is what I do through Chase.

amother

Clover

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 4:50 pm

I’m not understanding. You sit her down and tell her what she’s allowed to spend and not spend in anything she She spends which is different from what she’s allowed to spend. She has to pay you back for. Does she not take ownership and responsibility for other things? If she has keys and borrowed your car, and you tell her she has to be home at 10 PM, does she say ha ha I have keys in the car and I’m gonna come home at midnight? She needs to fiscal responsibility now, not when she’s married and can’t stick to her budget. And is angry with her husband for not giving her Unlimited money.

singleagain

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 4:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Maybe you can let her credit be ruined for a bit before you help her?

Also I think there are credit cards that can only have like 300 dollar limit. I think my relative has one

bestme

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 5:02 pm

You could put a limit on the additional user card. Just call the bank of your credit card and tell them the limit amount that you want on her card. This limit will not affect your card, just her card.
I also think that you have to sit down with her and explain clearly what you are willing to pay and what you are not willing to pay and from now on, when the statement comes, sit down with her and look at every expense. Everything that you want her to pay for she needs to give you back cash. Maybe as an incentive so that she is not so upset and agrees to this, agree to pay for 1 additional thing that you know she wants you to pay for. But you need to be strict that she must pay you for all extras.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 5:11 pm

bestme wrote:

This, and see if it’s possible to limit to only certain expense categories.

chestnut

Thu, Jan 09 2025, 6:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, but then she can spend the money on whatever she wants to, rather than what she should be spending it on.

You reimburse her vua Zelle only for purchases you approve of. Obviously, warn her about it.

essie14

Yesterday at 5:09 am

Give her a $ amount on a pre paid card for things you agree to pay for. If she spends it on 2 Ubers instead of tampons and face wash, then she's stuck paying for what she needs that month. Give her a card with a set limit and it won't work if she maxes it out. Let her get her own card under her own name and SSN for her extra expenses and if she ruins her credit, so be it. It's very temporary. It won't affect her getting a mortgage in a few years, she'll be fine. Sign her up for credit karma and let her see what she's doing to her credit score and how she can repair it after she goes into debt (if that happens).
She's over 18, welcome to the real world.
Life is full of decisions. If she's too lazy to take the bus and spends all her money on Ubers, she will learn her lesson very quickly. Let her feel the consequences of her actions.