Ds 17 vaping secretly

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 5:30 pm

We are very against it. Found a bunch of vapes and drops in his room. Super upset that he lied to us and that he’s vaping. We speak about the dangers often and a close relative died of lung cancer.
I’m at a loss as how to approach this. He is a very sensitive child and def a follower by nature. I know boys vape . I know he also struggles with telling the truth ( somewhat asd/ adhd) . I don’t want it to be a struggle between us but I also need to address this. What’s the best approach. He’s practically an adult and the lack of being able to trust him is bothersome .

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:30 pm

I really feel it’s unsafe. I do think lots of boys vape . I think. In most upset about the trust issue . I m hesitant to pick a big fight over something g that everyone is doing? Like I’m setting him up for failure. But it’s really un safe!! Do you hear my struggle- thinking I should show him video on the dangers ? Is that something that would be helpful? Or not? Ima s that have been in my place - what have you done that has helped or aM I doomed

amother

↑ Ginger

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

You're not doomed. He needs to come the realization himself. Nothing you say or show him will help.

amother

Hydrangea

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:37 pm

You've done the best you can do. Best to let him know that you know and he doesn't need to hide it. Don't criticize he know it's wrong. That way he learns that he can be open with you. The most important at this stage is your relationship.

amother

Sage

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:54 pm

At 17 and your son is already doing it. There is nothing you can do to stop it. You can only work on your relationship so that he knows that you know.
I keep trying to point out to my son when he complains about other issues that he is having health wise, that maybe the vaping isn’t helping and he doesn’t want to hear that.
Theirs is no talking logic to these kids. I also think that the vaping has a calming effect on ADHD kids and they in general have a more addictive personality

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:00 pm

There was an article in mishpacha a few months ago, a first person account of a ds with 2 collapsed lungs. I would contact mishpacha for it, and try to find other easy to read, first person narratives. Don't just give to him to read but discuss after as well.

amother

Midnight

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Literally have the same story as you. Could’ve written the post word for word except that my son won’t lie. If I ask him he’d tell me the truth. What worked for us was offering him a major incentive. His school does not let them get a license until 12 grade graduation but I told him if he stops vaping by the summer I’ll allow him to get his license earlier by a year. So far it’s working. He doesn’t vape in yeshiva anymore and only does at home. He’s slowly weaning himself off it.

amother

Peach

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:00 am

My teenage boys vape. Although I am unhappy Abt it bc it's could be dangerous, I feel like this is the worst thing these teenagers should do. My boys have been in a few different mesivtas on varying levels(😞) and let me tell you, vaping should be the worst thing a teenager is going to do.

I feel like the best thing you can do at this point is have an open honest relationship with him.

Molly Weasley

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:51 am

amother Peach wrote:

This. In many parts of the world, teenagers are doing far worse - addicted to video games, drugs, and so on. If your child is doing well in other areas, try to let it go.

You can still express your disappointment that he's vaping.

amother

Honeydew ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 3:48 am

amother OP wrote:

You can't stop him. He is ruining his heart and lungs and tripling his chance of developing schizophrenia and psychosis.

But if you want to stop him then you need to go to your elected officials and demand that they ban vapes and that there be fines and jail time for it. There isn't much else to do, unfortunately.

I find it mind-boggling that all these supposedly educated/ Torahdik young people have no bloody idea what they are risking. I see young yeshivish kollel couples, mom dad and baby, dad is standing beside mom and baby vaping. And all I can think is what the sweet young woman's life will look like if/when her husband develops psychosis and needs to be placed in a mental institution indefinitely.

If you take a whole yeshiva of hundreds of bochurim there will be at least a couple dozen affected, that's a lot.

I also don't think that people understand that vaping is equal to smoking in the harm it causes unborn children, and it also harms fertility.

amother

↑ Honeydew

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 3:50 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Vaping is a drug, full stop. It is an extremely high dose of drug, along with carcinogens, lead, and other things.

I don't know why you think a video game addiction is "far worse" than vaping. Or why you would think that vaping isn't drug use. It's an accepted gateway drug and more harmful than regular cigarettes.