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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Rosh chodesh sweaters -highschool girls
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  PinkFridge  




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:24 pm
amother Peony wrote:
It’s a school rule that you need to wear a different sweater on RC. It’s considered socially unacceptable to wear the same one and the girls wear a new one each RC. This creates a lot of pressure and stress for the girls and it’s completely unnecessary and easily avoidable.

I’ve heard from a lot of mothers of teens how stressful this has been.

I wish schools were more in touch with the teens that they teach.


So the school doesn't let the girls wear the uniform even if they want to?
But presumably the girls have an out-of-school wardrobe. Why can't they just wear something that they own already?
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amother
Seashell  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:25 pm
This generation is doomed.

Seriously, the insanity never ends. Every time I think I've heard it all....

Do these girls think they are Princess Kate? Oh nvm, she rewears her outfits...
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  PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:25 pm
thatworn wrote:
Is this a school rule that they discuss with parents before the parents sign up to send their daughters to the school? because if so, then I really think people should choose other schools. And yes, I know the whole "getting into school" in some communities is not the easiest parsha, but truly, why consider such a gashmiusdick mosad?!??!? How is the school teaching the children to be happy with what they have, to have respect for their parents and not demand expensive clothing/to be taken to a zillion stores when Mum is busy with all her siblings, , etc ... it sounds truly ridiculous.
Maybe parents can write letters to the board, and ask that the rule be removed, as it is causing agmas nefesh.


Of course not. No school has in the rules: Students must wear a brand new top every Rosh Chodesh.
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amother
  Amaryllis  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:26 pm
amother Peony wrote:
It’s not ridiculous to a teen in the situation. How long ago have been a teen? The pressure is real. Talk to the teens and understand the dynamics.

I have a teen girl. If she asked me to buy her a,new sweatshirt every month, the aswer would be no.
Wearing a different sweatshirt on RH does not nean it has to be a different one every RH, just that it not be the school uniform one.
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amother
  Peony  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:26 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
So you're saying that it's the schools faults for letting the girls wear their tops because they should have known that they couldn't trust the girls to not mess it up?

It’s the schools fault to lack the intuition and understanding to not create more opportunities for stress with the girls.

To me it’s quite obvious how this would be a recipe for disaster for so many girls.

The girls who have endless clothes with be fine and the girls who socially don’t care or are clueless will be fine.
But many girls caught in the middle with tight finances yet are socially adept are stressed about this.

And it’s completely not necessary. It’s so easy to change.
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  thatworn  




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:28 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
So the school doesn't let the girls wear the uniform even if they want to?
But presumably the girls have an out-of-school wardrobe. Why can't they just wear something that they own already?


This is my question, but I think I am confused about the word "different". Like, each RC, does it have to new a different sweater, like, different from a school skirt, or different, as in a different one for every month. Or different like, different from what they already have and therefore needs to be purchased as new every month.
I see how girls really need to fit in and whatever but at some stage parents need to draw the line. If the schools are indeed asking for 8 new sweaters per year, then really, they can go to blazers, IMHO, but if it is just "no uniforms on RC", then maybe parents need to discuss with their daughters certain expectations, like, we are no buying you a new sweater for every RC. We will get one towards the start of the school year and one half way through, the end.
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amother
  Holly  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:28 pm
amother Jetblack wrote:
Practically how did they accomplish this?


The teachers sat down with the 12th grade, had a frank conversation about pressure and gashmius, "Oros Pride, Oros Shtoltz" got the 12th grade to agree to only bring one outfit.
The girls got really into it.
Rumor is that the most popular 12th grader davka spilled some ice cream Fri night and wore it proudly the whole next day

The next year, the teachers got up and told the whole school, 3/4 of whom remembered the year before..

After another year or two it just became an "Oros thing".

Some 9th graders bring 2 dresses and see that it's really not necessary.
Conversation over.
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amother
  Peony  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:29 pm
mizle10 wrote:
Sorry that’s ridiculous. My girls school lets them wear their own clothing on RC and it’s nothing like this at all. They have clothing, they do need to get dressed on Sundays and motzei shabbos and whatever they own is perfectly fine. My girls really like it.

It’s not on the school to for see every ridiculous social pressure that students and parents are buying into.

I disagree. You’re not seeing the full picture about how this plays out to a lot of teens. I’m happy that for your girls it’s not a stress. That’s great.
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  thatworn  




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:29 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
Of course not. No school has in the rules: Students must wear a brand new top every Rosh Chodesh.


To be honest, from what I read on this site, NOTHING WOULD SURPRISE ME!!!!!!!
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amother
  Amaryllis  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:29 pm
amother Peony wrote:
It’s the schools fault to lack the intuition and understanding to not create more opportunities for stress with the girls.

To me it’s quite obvious how this would e a recipe for disaster for so many girls.

The girls who have endless clothes with be fine and the girls who socially don’t care or are clueless will be fine.
But many girls caught in the middle with tight finances yet are socially adept are stressed about this.

And it’s completely not necessary. It’s so easy to change.

How or why would any girl, from girls with a lot of clothing to girls with just enough for a week, think it was normal to buy anew sweater every month? Its not normal at all.
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amother
  Peony  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:30 pm
amother Holly wrote:
The teachers sat down with the 12th grade, had a frank conversation about pressure and gashmius, "Oros Pride, Oros Shtoltz" got the 12th grade to agree to only bring one outfit.
The girls got really into it.
Rumor is that the most popular 12th grader davka spilled some ice cream Fri night and wore it proudly the whole next day

The next year, the teachers got up and told the whole school, 3/4 of whom remembered the year before..

After another year or two it just became an "Oros thing".

Some 9th graders bring 2 dresses and see that it's really not necessary.
Conversation over.

Really impressive on Oros’s part.
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amother
  Seashell


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:31 pm
amother Peony wrote:
I disagree. You’re not seeing the full picture about how this plays out to a lot of teens. I’m happy that for your girls it’s not a stress. That’s great.


And sometimes no matter how hard and stressful, the child needs to be told no.
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amother
  Peony  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:34 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
So the school doesn't let the girls wear the uniform even if they want to?
But presumably the girls have an out-of-school wardrobe. Why can't they just wear something that they own already?

It would be socially off to wear your uniform when the whole school is wearing a RC sweater.
A lot of tops and sweaters worn on a regular Sunday aren’t able to be worn as RC sweaters as there are rules about the RC sweaters. It’s not just any top that will work.
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amother
  Zinnia


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:40 pm
There is no rule that you must wear a different sweater on r"c and it for sure doesn't have to be new!!!

You're allowed to wear a different sweater than uniform if you want to!!
Girls and their mothers are creating their own pressure!!
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  thatworn  




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:41 pm
Re: wearing your uniform on RC.
Yeah, it is socially off if no one else is doing it.
In my country we have something called "mufty day" when students do not wear uniform and for the privilege of not wearing uniform, they give in a donation to charity. I heard about this girl from another school who decided there was too much fashion/competition and she was not buying into it and she dafka wore her uniform one mufty day and she was the talk of the town.
It is very hard to be the one doing something different. Unless you actually want to be the one who stands out (and there's nothing wrong with that at all, just it's not what most people want.)
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  thatworn  




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:42 pm
amother Zinnia wrote:
There is no rule that you must wear a different sweater on r"c and it for sure doesn't have to be new!!!

You're allowed to wear a different sweater than uniform if you want to!!
Girls and their mothers are creating their own pressure!!


So the issue lies within the community. That is really sad but I read a lot of sad stuff about different communities on this site.
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  mizle10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:44 pm
amother Peony wrote:
I disagree. You’re not seeing the full picture about how this plays out to a lot of teens. I’m happy that for your girls it’s not a stress. That’s great.


It’s not just my girls, it’s the school and the place we live in bh. Someone else posted that it’s also socially off to wear your uniform on RC. Plenty girls in our local school do that. It’s just not a thing here.
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amother
  Holly


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:44 pm
amother Zinnia wrote:
There is no rule that you must wear a different sweater on r"c and it for sure doesn't have to be new!!!

You're allowed to wear a different sweater than uniform if you want to!!
Girls and their mothers are creating their own pressure!!


I typed up a long answer.
But I think I'm going to make a spinoff.
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amother
  Peony  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:48 pm
amother Zinnia wrote:
There is no rule that you must wear a different sweater on r"c and it for sure doesn't have to be new!!!

You're allowed to wear a different sweater than uniform if you want to!!
Girls and their mothers are creating their own pressure!!

This is definitely not coming from any mothers.
There is social pressure to not rewear the same sweater. This is a double pressure on a double RC, which makes it even more difficult.
Not everyone has the required sweater in their closet and so they need to go out and buy.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:49 pm
While some of it might be peer pressure, a lot might be a girl's personal lack of confidence.
My ninth grader was stressing over what to wear to Bnos convention because she already wore her favorite outfits to school Shabbaton. Now, her local friends have seen all her winter clothing as we live in a small community. Her non local ones weren't with her on the school Shabbaton. She was worrying about some older local high school girls who maybe don't see her every Shabbos seeing (and remembering?!) her repeated outfits.
I tried reasonably explaining to her that no one but her sees, remembers, and cares what she wears, but it's hard for a girl just breaking into high school to accept that that's reality.
I think she'll be fine at the convention even without buying new clothing but my point is that it was a self imposed stress. Are these girls stressed about the sweater in older grades, or just younger ones?
My 11th grader would gladly wear the same thing every chance she could, but she's not only more self-confident, but she's also not really interested in shopping 😉
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