Does a mommy's loving heart expand with each new child

amother

↑ Gladiolus ↓

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 5:59 am

I think a lot of you are making sense but it all applies to older children.

When you have a few babies at home, who literally need that obsessive love from their mother and loads of nurturing, all this will be split between siblings. I am talking specifically about young kids aged 2.5 and under.

I know a few people that had three kids and the oldest was 2.5 years old. The older two definitely were lacking, as much as the parents tried and are really quite wonderful.

A baby needs so much focus and care on them all the time. Older children do not need that.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:17 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

You are confusing Love and the physical ability to handle multiple children.
You can love your child but not have the physical capability to do it all.

amother

↑ Babyblue

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 6:49 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Correct, but this is not what OP is asking. Her older child is about 2 and she only has one child. All of the other posts were responding to her question. Try to stay focused on OPs question please.

↑ imaima

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 7:09 am

Iymnok wrote:

I wouldn't call her rude, she really couldn't understand, coming from a world where 3 kids is a lot.

Each of my kids expands their capacity to love with each additional child.
There is no contradiction in my love of an older child when a new one comes along. Actually, my love for the older ones grows. As well as my nachas when they truly welcome their new sibling into their hearts.

She doesn’t have to say everything she thinks

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 11:38 am

My youngest is four.
And I did not post to ask if it's worth having more kids when it takes away from older siblings. I do think it's worth it and even worth it for siblings that are getting less because of it. I was just expressing how I feel and asking others if they feel that way too.
I hear what ppl are saying that it's not true and it's I diff type of love as they grow older. I'm still pretty sure it's different by me. feelings toward child actually changed the second I came home with baby. If it would be age related, would've happened before or after and not necessarily just then. I'm disappointed to hear that I'm almost alone in this.

amother

Cherry

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 12:11 pm

As others have said, I think as your kids get older, you will realize that it’s not possible to give baby love to an older kid. My oldest is about to become bar mitzvah and I absolutely adore him and enjoy him so much. But no, I am not going to gobble his cheeks and tickle his toes and squeal from how delicious he is. And just wait till you experience the attitude of a defiant 9 year old. No, you will not feel your heart expanding to include his brattiness. But that will not change your baseline of love.

↑ mushkamothers

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 12:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

They didn't change. You were hormonally bonded to your newborn and you're comparing that experience with the 4 year old so suddenly the contrast becomes obvious.

It's also very natural to feel protective of baby even to the exclusion of other children and even your husband. Literal mama bear instinct but it doesn't mean you don't love the other kids. It's all hormones.

amother

Sienna ↓

Yesterday at 7:36 am

I think it's important for mothers to remember the love for every child when they were newborn. Getting older should not make the love less, but it's not that same unconditional, innocent love that newborns get.

Op, maybe it helps you to look back at photos and remember how your oldest was that same yummy newborn, tiny, and helpless.

It's your flesh and blood, and you love them not for being just the youngest and not smelling yet from being in this world. (Smelly feet, breath, outdoor smell from playing outside) but for being part of you.

One day soon, your newborn will grow up too. Would you like to stop being loved bc you are an adult?

Of course, the youngest says the cutest comments. My kids always ask me if Ioved them as much as the baby and I assure them that yes!! Or when they say that our baby is the cutest, I tell them they were just as cute.

I once heard from someone saying It's easy to like kids when they are little. It's a much bigger strength to like them when they get older.

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Yesterday at 7:44 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

I had 3 under 2.5 and u don't think im fooling myself to say I believe they where cery well loved there was extra love with each child and their needs where met

amother

↑ Gladiolus

Yesterday at 7:44 am

amother Sienna wrote:

Right, but can you imagine how painful it is for a baby only to be the baby and receive that kind of obsession for 13 months or so before the next one arrives?

A baby has a right to be the focus of a mother's attention and love. It is what builds his foundation of emotional and mental health for life. Siblings add to life too but it's only secondary and can happen a year or two later without consequence.

amother

↑ Petunia

Yesterday at 7:50 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Did you create the world? Who says when one can become a sibling and at what age it is positive? Hashem obviously knew my children should be Irish triplets... he also knew others of ny children shouldn't be

amother

↑ Sienna

Yesterday at 8:13 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

I never had my kids so close (13 months apart), but even my last ones were 2 years apart, I absolutely loved my older kids. You do realize you can't stop loving them, bc you had another one. It's selfish to only like a baby as long as they are the baby.