Sil didn't compliment even once!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:32 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Maybe she’s expecting and not herself and just wanted to go home already because she’s so nauseas.

She wasn't rushing at all.
She actually stayed behind with the other guest when her husband left to his tisch.

amother

↑ Aubergine ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:36 pm

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Sounded to me sil said a simple thank you only at the end of shabbos. Imho that is pretty rude not to say anything else a whole shabbos. I understand she’s shy etc but even nodding or agreeing with her husband when he complimented would be better.

They came for just a meal. Not an entire Shabbos. And she said thank you.

amother

↑ Aubergine

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

Because I can't stand ingratitude, begrudging of a compliment, coldness, or bad manners.
I did hear the viewpoints of posters that extreme shyness might have been the reason behind this. And I did expand my viewpoint that perhaps this might have been the reason.
And again- I Am Not Looking For Excessive Praise or Compliments.
One comment about my food would have been enough.
I didn't expect gushiness.

And you don't think it's bad manners to demand that everyone give you compliments or else they get called rude and cold and ungrateful?

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:42 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

And you don't think it's bad manners to demand that everyone give you compliments or else they get called rude and cold and ungrateful?

I'm done with nasty comments like this. I'll be ignoring them.
And no I don't think it's rude to expect one compliment about a meal I slaved over.
Not ten compliments, not five compliments, just one phrase of acknowledgement is accepted behavior.

amother

↑ Whitewash

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 4:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

But you're both taking her not complimenting your personally and talking as if you have no role in this.

It sounds like for you, compliments are transactional, and you had a transaction in which you expected a compliment in return for hosting.

There are many potential reasons not to compliment...

amother

↑ Aqua

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 5:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

She said thank you. That is gratitude.
You need to let go of your big ego & attitude. This attitude may be making her feel uncomfortable & intimidated around you. This, coupled with her being a newlywed & you having other guests at the meal. That can be very overwhelming. Did she know about the other guests?
It seems like you don't like the SIL but you like her husband so you invite them because you like him.
Did you even try to talk to her & engage her in conversation? Did you make her feel included & welcome?

amother

↑ Snowdrop ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 5:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Serious? Are you the language police?

No language policing here. You said she wanted to come. It's one thing if she expressed that wish to you. It's another if her husband said, "we both would love to come." That could mean absolutely nothing.

amother

↑ Snowdrop

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 5:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

Who asked you to slave over the meal?

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 5:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

The “just one phrase or acknowledgment” you are demanding was given. “Thank you.” It’s really time to move on. This is a you problem, not a her problem.

Perhaps try looking into what it is inside yourself that is so hung up on this.

↑ Cheiny

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 5:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

Guess what. You don’t need to find or look for reasons for her not complimenting you. That is not the issue here.

Your neediness is. It’s inappropriate and out of the norm.

amother

↑ Alyssum

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 6:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is thank you not considered a ‘phrase of acknowledgment’?

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 6:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Hosted my new sil and other guest for a Shabbos meal. Went all out with the decor and food. Everything was delicious and decor was stunning, if I may say so myself. Other guests were ultra complimentary. She didn't say a word. When she left she said a simple thank you.
I was so turned off. When I eat out I make sure to compliment every course.
She is ultra shy but I think besides for that she comes across as more of a cold person.
What's your take on this?

Haven’t read every reply but umm she DID thank you.
Saying a compliment after every course is kinda silly and if someone did it to me there would be lots of eye rolling while I was in the kitchen.
Why the need to go all out? Do you normally feel like you have to one up everyone?
If she’s shy, there ya have it. Maybe she was intimidated by her overly perfect sister-in-law.
Plus you had other guests. That is super intimidating. She barely knows you, she’s shy, and she’s with other people she never met. I hope you told her before she came that she’d be part of a group, if it was me I would be crying to leave! Next time just invite the chosson and kallah and no one else!! Omg I feel so bad for her! Maybe call and apologize…poor girl was in such a bad spot!!

Cookin4days

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 6:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Isn’t that what a thank you is for?

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:01 pm

As a side note , to some folks giving a compliment is harder than cooking a meal.
We had a Tzedakah party lately .We each got a list
of several chesed options that we can offer each other in our neighborhood. I checked off " giving a compliment". My neighbor checked off " cooking a meal". To me ; giving a compliment was easier than cooking a meal for a neighbor. To her; cooking a meal was easier than giving a compliment.
We're all wired differently. What's easy for one ,is hard for the other.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:09 pm

This whole thread is so strange to me. I always says thank you but it could be sometimes I don’t specifically mention the food - not because it isn’t good I just don’t go through every course complimenting every dish!
Would love to hear the sister in law side, feel so bad for her. It’s hard enough being a newlywed without all this

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:09 pm

I agree with the others that she likely also felt intimidated by the high bar you set for the meal.

The fact that you 'slaved over it' and created a fancy menu and tablescape is on you, not her. She very likely would have felt more comfortable with a toned down regular meal.

(I actually have a sister-in-law who was so intimidated by the fact that people made nicer meals to impress her when she first got married. I know she still finds it hard to measure up and sometimes feels inadequate. And sounds like it was on a WAY lower level than you prepared.)

amother

Firethorn

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 7:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's also more of a question if I should invite them again. My bil was ultra complimentary. I told dh afterwards that we should really invite them more often. But his wife's behavior really turned me off.
Maybe I should be the better one. But I can't stand when people act like this.

Oh please get a life
Is that why you invite people? For the compliments ?
& if they don’t compliment you which could be for a million reasons , you dont invite back ?
She may be having a miscarriage, she might have just heard bad news , whatever ….

Grow up