Dc 4 and new baby | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Dec 27 2024, 11:17 am

Trying to find the right way he shouldn't feel like new baby taking away from him. He's thrilled. Loves new baby. But he doesn't sleep through the night and comes into my bed. When baby wakes and I need to feed her I need him to go onto my husbands bed or his own. Problem is he's fear ridden and wants me to come sit near his bed..and if I nurse her in his room his older sibling will wake up from baby and won't fall back asleep.... Any advice?

AlwaysGrateful

Fri, Dec 27 2024, 11:48 am

I know it's not helpful for this time, but if it's possible I usually try to wean a toddler/preschooler off of things like this before the new baby comes, long enough before birth so they don't connect it to the baby...

But I think that's important to say that to show that generally I'm not against weaning off something like this that makes things challenging/impossible for the mother. It's just that now that you didn't, I think this is not a good time to make that change.

So let's problem solve. Where do you nurse the baby? In bed? Or somewhere else? What is the issue with having the older sib there while baby is nursing? Hopefully we can find a way to solve the problem without creating extra jealousy.

amother

Raspberry

Fri, Dec 27 2024, 11:54 am

No tips for the night, but do try to give him 1 on 1 time when the baby is napping.
Even just cooking dinner and him helping you counts.

amother

Scarlet ↓

Fri, Dec 27 2024, 11:55 am

Im a same and in this house tatty usually gets to sleep through night.he needs it. But this is a time when hes getta step in. You can nurse baby in your bed or wherever you wabt and hes gotta do four year old. However he or both of you decide he should do it

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:33 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

In our house kids need mommy specifically if it's not something technical they need, almost same way newborn needs mom.

amother

Gold

Yesterday at 7:56 pm

I was in the same boat and I had the four year old make himself a cozy nest with blankets on the floor next to my bed. My room is quite tiny but four year olds don’t need a lot of space.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:50 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

No tips for the night, but do try to give him 1 on 1 time when the baby is napping.
Even just cooking dinner and him helping you counts.

I do give him alone time. And it's not coming from a place of jealousy. He wakes up terrified from a dream and needs me so he can fall back asleep.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:22 pm

amother Gold wrote:

I was in the same boat and I had the four year old make himself a cozy nest with blankets on the floor next to my bed. My room is quite tiny but four year olds don’t need a lot of space.

like this idea. Hope he won't be afraid to sleep on floor though.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 9:58 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

trust me I'm trying from when he's three. Didn't get anywhere. At one point I decided let him at least have him connect and cuddle till baby is born and will see what happens...

amother

↑ Scarlet

Yesterday at 10:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

In our house kids need mommy specifically if it's not something technical they need, almost same way newborn needs mom.

I understand mine need mommy too but I will not twist myself into a pretzel to nurse ina chair by childs bed! It is ok for children to learn sometimes their father will tend to their needs
After a few nights child will know your not available

amother

PlumPink

Yesterday at 10:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

I do give him alone time. And it's not coming from a place of jealousy. He wakes up terrified from a dream and needs me so he can fall back asleep.

You need to be able to sometimes let go and leave it to DH, he's the childs father
Unless there's some technical way in which to make nursing work while other child is there?

amother

Poppy

Yesterday at 11:42 pm

Something I that was so hard for me but I learned in therapy is that if my child is safe with their father who is a loving present figure in their life, then they are okay. Full stop. Even if they’re screaming for me. Even if they want me to put them to sleep. Even if it’ll take my husband double the time to put them to sleep.
Because I’m a person too and deserve to have some time after I’m with them all day.

And I think you need to apply the same with your son. He can go to your husbands bed he will be safe and loved even if it’s not his first choice. And eventually he will learn and won’t fight it as much.