Being the breadwinner unwillingly

amother

↑ Rainbow ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 2:48 am

amother OP wrote:

You're not saying anything I don't already know. I don't know why my husband has his own business. He is doing manual labor. He really should be working for someone and even if he gets paid $15 an hour its better than what he does now. He has driven uber before. It doesn't make much but he does that, does shemira for chevra Kadisha for pay etc. What kind of clinic will prescribe that to him? We don't live in Lakewood.

You don't need a frum clinic, just a clinic that accepts Medicaid. They are everywhere.
If you would share where you are located we can help with more specific recommendations.

What happens when you have a positive, supportive, non judgmental conversation with him?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Dec 27 2024, 9:20 am

I am just davening for a neiss this chanukah. I was up last night with a colicky baby as was my husband. He went to daven and just came home and said he only has one small thing to do today and is going to take a nap because he was "up with the baby." He said it in front of my mother and its just so embarrassing. I am also tired. You don't just go take a nap in the middle of the day. He sees nothing wrong with it. I want to scream use the time to find a job. I don't get to nap because I was nursing a colicky baby all night. I have stuff to do for shabbos. One day this week he also wasn't busy so he went to go learn instead of being in bed.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Dec 27 2024, 9:21 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

He says he is "trying his best" and what more can I ask.

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Dec 27 2024, 1:01 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

OP, just saw this my husband was in Kollel and has a good degree but it doesn't help, we are hugely in debt and I'm looking for extra work to do in the evenings as I don't have little kids anymore

my husband got a call today but he had to cancel and take his car to mechanic. Something in the car broke. Hshem only knows how much this will cost and how I will pay for it. My husband had a bunch of parking tickets he has not been able to pay because his CC is maxed out (5000). I just paid for $280 worth of tickets. I am in a rotten mood.

amother

Seafoam

Sat, Dec 28 2024, 8:30 pm

I’m reading through this thread and I feel for everyone who’s expressed not liking being the breadwinner.

The nature of my job is a decent paying one, and I love it. My kids are happy in school and I have no reason to cut my hours. But I also hate the pressure of knowing that if I would have to cut back for any reason, we wouldn’t survive. DH works the bare minimum to stay employed and openly admits that he doesn’t want to work too hard because if he gets promoted, it means more responsibility and he’s not interested, even if it comes with more money. He recently expressed a desire to maybe have another kid. I was very honest with him and I told him straight up that he needs to step it up a lot. I have miserable pregnancies and often need to take off at the beginning in excess of my allotted PTO. Postpartum, my job offers zero paid leave; I have to apply for PFL through the state and the amount it’s capped at is a very small percentage of what I’m typically paid. Last baby, they lost my claim and had to reprocess it, which didn’t happen until my baby was 5 weeks old. At that point I was desperate for the money and went back to work with a 5 week old baby at home. I told DH that can’t happen again and unless he’s making an amount that can sustain us for several weeks so that I can make the decision to go back based on how I’m feeling, it ain’t happening.

amother

Lightgray

Mon, Dec 30 2024, 8:23 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

I feel this so much! My husband and I both work. I love what I do but I hate that if I have to take leave, which I did twice recently (once for maternity leave and once for another medical leave) and it took MONTHS for my disability claim to be processed by the state…it set us back so so so much, by the time it came, I was already back at work because I couldn’t afford to stay home with my newborn. My husband would love more kids. We have what is considered sizable and also, I’m definitely a geriatric pregnancy at this point…I just cannot do this again for financial reasons.

amother

↑ Rainbow

Tue, Dec 31 2024, 4:01 am

amother OP wrote:

He says he is "trying his best" and what more can I ask.

The response to that would be that you totally see and understand that which is why you believe that he needs professional intervention.

It may be true that he is doing his best, depression and ADHD are very hard things to deal with.

Is there anyone he will listen to ( about getting help)