S/O that that do NOT know about the finances, a question

shabbatiscoming

Yesterday at 3:42 pm

I posted this on the other thread but nobody answered and I would really like to know what those women who know nothing about the finances think about this.

For those women who know nothing about your finances, leave everything to your husbands, what if one day, your husband was not there anymore? Death, divorce, who knows what? You will be up !@#₪ creek without a paddle to have to all of a sudden figure it out.
Does that not make you nervous at all?

amother

Saddlebrown

Yesterday at 3:58 pm

I am going to guess that many of the women who opt out of knowing about the finances are more comfortable financially in general and know that if anything would happen (like death) their husband has an advisor, accountant, and will prepared for that eventuality.
Those of us who need to track our spending are more likely to want to know what's doing with our finances.
My mom is someone of the first category, she truly has no clue what she spends (and she SPENDS LOL

becuase my father is happy for her to live that way, and bH no need for her to change her habits. After a big splurge he'll poke fun about the credit card statements, but she has no need/desire to know more than what she wants to buy she can. (She also has normal values and doesn't buy crazy things)

amother

Lavender

Yesterday at 3:59 pm

I am on all accounts. But I do not have access. Because I keep forgetting passwords. (I know. Terrible!)
This IS something I'm concered about. I know he has some investment stocks too. Nothing really substantial. Just a bit petty cash (like 10k).
Wet both have life insurance. I guess chv if something happens, we'll deal.
Divorce is not something that's I'm concerned about bh.

We done have other savings. We live month to month so.

amother

PlumPink

Yesterday at 4:03 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I don't get it and I don't even get the motivation for remaining deliberately ignorant.

My experience was with my father when he died and that was about as simple as one could be. I knew who his broker was. I knew where he kept his checking account and his finances at that point were very simple since he had moved into an Assisted Living Family and I had been paying the charge so he didn't have complicated on going expenses or priorities to figure out.

However even that was administratively difficult in terms of making sure that everything was taken care of and all of the appropriate certificates and requests were sent out.

And that was without trying to figure out investment strategies or budgets or income or any of the stuff that a spouse would have to deal with in terms of suddenly becoming the person in charge of money.

Are these women ignorant of the basics of finances such as how to invest? What terms mean? Putting trust in a third party to handle finances is dangerous unless one understands what they are doing and why.

amother

Linen

Yesterday at 4:03 pm

My friends husband recently passed away suddenly. He left my friend many millions. She knew they had it but had no idea where it was.

So she hired some financial people and now she has access to all of it.

My point is that I don't see why c'vs in the event of death the widow would be "up the creek without a paddle". If the money exists she'll find it pretty quickly.

flipperz

Yesterday at 5:24 pm

We are by no means well off. We’re pretty tight on money and I’m quite frugal. I have a very good sense of how much we have, I always try to ask so that I have a good idea. Some of the accounts I ahve the passwords, some I don’t but they’re all written done somewhere. I ask to see the accounts once in a while but I can’t keep track or remember. It’s too much for me to be involved with it. I do go nervous if something CHV happens to Dh, I would no clue what to do. He has all these investments I don’t understand at all. But I could figure out how to get access to all that and I guess I’d have to learn Hwo the investments work, idk iyh should never come to it ad 120.

amother

Calendula

Yesterday at 5:38 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

It really makes me nervous. He is being financially abusive and I am working on it to get a handle on things.

amother

Papayawhip

Yesterday at 5:47 pm

My father passed away when I was a teen, and I have serious trauma from this

My mother chose to not be involved at all. The day we got up from Shiva, relatives and the accountant sat her down and tried working with her.
No one has any real idea what was going on. A lot of wasted time, wasted energy and deliberate helplessness. At a time when us kids desperately needed reassurance, stability and emotional support.
I suspect there might have been money skimmed off the top and stuff like that.

I insist on being involved in my own life because I'm too scared of being defenseless.

amother

Violet

Yesterday at 5:50 pm

amother Linen wrote:

NYS has about 19 billion dollars in uncaimed funds. Bank accounts that lie dormant for a certain number of years get turned over to the state. So it would be safe to assume that not all accounts are located when someone passes on.

amother

Plum

Yesterday at 6:49 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Yes it makes me extremely nervous upset and anxious. He is not forthcoming and I don't know why. I put it away from my mind in order to function on a daily basis.

amother

Zinnia ↓

Yesterday at 7:19 pm

amother Dill wrote:

I know who our account and financial planner are and I have their contact information. Our accountant is a close relative and financial planner is an old friend who we trust. I know our house (our biggest asset) is in my name. What else do I need to know?

You want to know how the accounts are titled, and which accounts your name is or is not on.

small bean

Yesterday at 8:02 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I do get nervous about some parts, but not that I can't manage it all. More about what if I don't know about something especially related to his business.

My husband has everything in his phone and the cloud and I do hope I'd be able to go thru it logically.

But in reality, I don't want to be busy with it and I hope I die first at 118, I don't want to be left alone.

amother

NeonBlue

Yesterday at 8:14 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

No, it does not make me nervous.

I'm perfectly capable of getting a job if I need to. I have a good degree And have the ability to set up a business in one week if I need to

We also have very good life insurance policies, should anything bad CHV happen