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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
-> Inspirational
amother
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 Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:01 am
I was looking thru some old thresd and came across one from a couple of years back. It was about caring for single Moms when it comes to the 'small' yomim tovim, not just Pesach, Succos & Shabbos. The OP said singles are invited out for meals etc on Yom tov, but tend to be forgotten about at other times, like Chanuka. (I'm not saying ppl don't invite for chanuka, many wonderful ppl do, this was one persons experience, but it spoke to me)
I have a co-worker, a single Mom of 3 young children under 10. We've become quite friendly of late, and altho we rarely cross paths outside of work, I've often thought about how I can help her, but came up blank. She told me she doesn't like Shabbos invites to families she doesn't know well, prefering to invite seminary girls or go to family. And I don't know her well enough to probe what might be helpful, as she doesn't share much on a personal level.
Then I came across this thread about Chanuka, Purim etc. One of her kids is in the same grade as one of mine, and the others are similar ages as my younger kids. I took the plunge and asked her if she'd like to come over after lighting on Thursday to join us for a fun meal & some games & donuts. She was thrilled! She said Chanuka is a hard time for her. She travels to family for Yom tov & often for Shabbos, but Chanuka is often a regular week with work & school, and while for many it's a warm family time...for her it's hard.
So thank you Anon Ima for helping me think of someone who could do with a little tlc.
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amother
Khaki
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Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:28 am
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What a beautiful post to read! Literally brought tears to my eyes. Olam Chesed Yibaneh!
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amother
Scarlet
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Tue, Dec 24 2024, 10:56 am
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Wow! Hashem should bless you with whatever you need and bring light into your life for bringing joy and light into your friends life!
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amother
Seablue
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Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:11 pm
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Beautiful. I'll be honest, most "inspirational" posts turn me off and make me want to go buy a cheeseburger or something, but this one really is inspiring.
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amother
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Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:39 pm
| amother Seablue wrote: | | Beautiful. I'll be honest, most "inspirational" posts turn me off and make me want to go buy a cheeseburger or something, but this one really is inspiring. |
I'm a bit sad that the thread leading to this invitation inspired me so much, like why wasn't it natural to me to try and include my new friend iykwim. I mean, I can have 100 excuses, like I only got to know her recently, she doesn't share much etc, and it's true but still.. She has kids similar ages to mine, I could've asked her to join me at the park or soft play. Both could've allowed us to get to know each other in a relaxed setting. But guess it's never too late!
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amother
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Tue, Dec 24 2024, 2:41 pm
| amother Seablue wrote: | | Beautiful. I'll be honest, most "inspirational" posts turn me off and make me want to go buy a cheeseburger or something, but this one really is inspiring. |
Yeah I'm like that as well sometimes, but I've come to realize that everyone gets inspired by different things, there's a huge range of people on here. But I get you, wasn't sure whether to start this thread.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 25 2024, 4:51 am
Are there any single moms or friends/family of single moms who can help me out with ideas of what they appreciate?
Am looking for ways to help in general day to day situations. TIA!
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amother
Peach
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Wed, Dec 25 2024, 6:34 am
I don't know her age and stage, but if the kids are younger, once everyone is asleep is a very lonely time. If you can to smooze or call to discuss something specific and then later get into a pattern of calling her at night, once a week that would be amazing
The single mother I know has only one child, so any day off/kids get out early is a potential day to include her. Or days between school and camp etc. Or giving her a social outlet, such as going walking at night.
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amother
Razzmatazz
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Wed, Dec 25 2024, 9:18 am
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Wow your friend is lucky to have you! If you're looking how to help, see if you can find out if she's managing financially. If not then you can reach out to organizations to help her. It's extremely shameful to do this by herself and much easier if the help just arrives even if she knows that you are the one behind it.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 25 2024, 5:01 pm
| amother Razzmatazz wrote: | | Wow your friend is lucky to have you! If you're looking how to help, see if you can find out if she's managing financially. If not then you can reach out to organizations to help her. It's extremely shameful to do this by herself and much easier if the help just arrives even if she knows that you are the one behind it. |
I've actually done that for her behind her back. It wasn't long after she joined the school we teach at, I'd only met her but something she said about finances made me see she could with a little help. I reached out to an org who helped her. It was a help for her, but it was anon so it didn't benefit our fledgling relationship.
Phoning at night, as someone suggested above is a good idea.
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amother
Carnation
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Wed, Dec 25 2024, 5:07 pm
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Your post encouraged me to call my divorced sister and invite her over for dinner. She was so touched and happy to come. Thanks for your inspiration.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 25 2024, 5:10 pm
| amother Carnation wrote: | | Your post encouraged me to call my divorced sister and invite her over for dinner. She was so touched and happy to come. Thanks for your inspiration. |
Yay!
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emee2
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Wed, Dec 25 2024, 8:03 pm
I’m a single mom to 5 kids, 3 of which are under the age of 8.
Personally I’m exhausted at night and would not appreciate late calls but everyone is different. Just be open to the possibility that this may not work for her.
I would love to go walking at night but would need childcare. Childcare is a big way you can help if you are able. If my older kids need to go somewhere at night I often have to send them with an uber or pay a babysitter. Expenses I really can’t afford.
A meal I didn’t cook would be a nice treat. Either home cooked or takeout.
The things I struggle with the most are things like laundry soap, dish soap, paper towel, tissues etc. Sending an order of these needed household items would be a huge help. For me I find the big items there are organizations to help with those and some ppl have food stamps for groceries but for all these household necessities it can be a challenge.
Help with errands and household tasks like mow the lawn, shovel the snow, take things to toivel.
It’s really special that you want to help!
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s1
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Yesterday at 3:31 pm
Kol hakavod. Yes chanukah is a hard time. Any time of year where people are with their families is hard.
You can send over some treats,homemade or bought
Invite her kids over to play if they're on vacation, then she can either have time to herself or come over and chat
Invite her out for coffee/ice cream
Send her flowers for shabbos
If you have a child who can babysit, offer them to babysit and take her out for a coffee or maybe to a shiur
Send a small gift for her eg herbal teas, handcream,scented candles etc
Obviously every divorcee is different but anything you do to show you're thinking of her and you care will make a big difference to her chanukah.
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amother
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Yesterday at 4:46 pm
UPDATE:
They came over, we had a great time! My husband had to take care of some work, he often brings home work on Chanukah so he can leave early for menorah. So it was just the 2 of us ladies and our kids. Our kids ate, played and made a mess, and we chatted-more then in the months we've worked together and it was so enjoyable.
Thank u all for your encouragement.
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