More frum than you VS less frum than you

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:04 pm

Would you rather send to a cheder/school that is slightly more frum than you would you rather send to a place that is less frum than you? Why?

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:06 pm

We send to more. It’s not always fun, but it keeps us in line, so to speak. I prefer it to the alternative.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Would you rather send to a cheder/school that is slightly more frum than you would you rather send to a place that is less frum than you? Why?

To broaden my question, if your haskafas are different than the school that your kids attend, does it not cause issues?

amother

Fern

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

To broaden my question, if your haskafas are different than the school that your kids attend, does it not cause issue?

As a kid I was sent to a school more to the right than my family’s observance. I think I turned out ok

amother

Cornsilk

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

To broaden my question, if your haskafas are different than the school that your kids attend, does it not cause issue?

It causes problems if the parents are bashing the hashkofos the kids are receiving from school.
As long as you show your kids you respect what they are being taught and explain everyone does differently we do xyz but accept that if you are learning ABC you can follow that then it's ok and we love you.

amother

Gold

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:28 pm

I send to whichever is the most inclusive and respectful of different hashkafic backgrounds amongst the families who send there. Growing up attending a super right wing school was a miserable experience because of how I was spoken to and interrogated due to my family background. I was a really good kid for reference, but I was never enough for them. DH had the exact opposite experience- went to schools with pretty yeshivish staff and mehalech but everyone was welcome there. He and his friends genuinely believe that their rebbeim are proud of them. We look into schools very carefully and make our decisions on a case by case basis

amother

Papayawhip

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:37 pm

We sent to more and it was a nightmare. Sent to one that was slightly less and it felt much better for everyone.

amother

Natural

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:40 pm

It’s really important to make it easy for your kids to follow the rules of the school they are in, and not to actively make it hard to do so

amother

Blue

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 2:45 pm

I send to a little more frum

We respect and follow the rules

Ds asked to grow payos bec his friends do and we allow it

Dd wants to wear more tznius than me and im ok with that

The only thing we stress (which we’d have to no matter where we send bec we have a lot of non religious family members) is to respect everyone and never make anyone feel bad

I like that the peer pressure is about payos and tznius vs tight pants and brand name sneakers or clothing or vacation in Florida or the Bahamas.

giftedmom

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 3:11 pm

I would go with more. You can always choose to expose your kids when they’re older. But you can’t prevent them from learning or copying classmates whose standards are less than yours.

amother

Canary

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 3:56 pm

We plan to send to slightly less. I'm a giyores and close with my parents who are very involved grandparents. My children will always have a bit more exposure to the secular world than I consider ideal. So I don't think they could totally fit in in the more Yeshivish school. I think it's very important for children to be able to fit in with their classmates. I'm a bit nervous about smartphone and social media peer pressure when my children are older, but other more Yeshivish families also send to the "modern" school, so our kids won't be the only ones without

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 3:59 pm

I went to an out-of-town community school and was usually one of the frummest kids in the class. My parents sent us to in-town camps and bungalow colonies so we'd get to experience being the least frum lol. It was a great balance. In the end I think being the frummest was the healthier environment for me, I was a very cynical kid and just ended up being judgmental of the people to the right of me.

amother

Olive

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 4:06 pm

We send to more frum. Oot, so not many options. The biggest issue so far is that some of our kids friends don't eat (much) in our house because we eat chalav stam and pas palter

amother

Sage

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 5:00 pm

Geyores here
More frum cheder for my boys.
For my daughters we were advised by our rabbi to send to a parve school in our community since he felt I would be very comfortable there.
Our parents are not very involved in the day to day lives of our children.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 5:07 pm

More frum
I don’t need my dc coming home telling me about some garbage they hear from their friends
So long as the school isn’t fanatical I’m fine with my child turning out more frum than me

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 6:00 pm

We send to more frum. For the most part it's ok. We never bad-mouth the school's policies but I feel the school indirectly portrays people like us in a negative light. Our kids pick up in that vibe and it's what's moving them to the right as much as genuine appreciation of Torah.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Dec 22 2024, 6:02 pm

I switched from less to more. I found less to be overwhelming for kids to overcome and they were always struggling to not lower all their standards. In more they have more of an ability to stay the same and to grow.