Offering 15-20k for a Shidduch ok?

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:05 pm

Is it ok to offer? I thought of it over shabbos to get a good date going, she hasn’t had many good ideas recently…

my sisters 30 and been looking for years … she’s a regular BY has a nice job, masters degree, cute sweet great with her nieces and nephews they adore her;) she’s looking for a solid frum guy who’ll always prioritize learning but is a professional excellent middos more of a priority over his profession…

amother

Watermelon

Yesterday at 8:16 pm

I don't understand. You are offering someone 15K to make a shidduch!? Is that really what people charge? Does she not have girlfriends with brothers or male cousins who are looking? Is there any way she can try to find someone on her own.

amother

Chestnut

Yesterday at 8:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

I know of lots of ppl that are older singles with money on their head.
Meaning if someone successfully carries on it a shidduch for them they get a large sum of money
It acts as an incentive for ppl to want to try

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 8:24 pm

She hasn’t gotten good suggestions that she’s date.
most of her friends are long married with growing families and really busy …

Thinking how to go about it- any ideas ?
Telling a shadchan- Oh btw I’m offering a nicer shadchanus if you make her Shidduch

amother

Skyblue ↓

Yesterday at 8:54 pm

I also have a DD 30
Since 19 she has gone out, maybe 12 times
And the suggestions make you wonder
Recently she was suggested to a 40yr old divorcee with 3 kids.
Shes not opposed to divorced, but with no kids. With kids it gets complicated

Maybe I should offer 20K shadchanus

amother

Geranium ↓

Yesterday at 8:58 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

She only goes out once a year? Why?

There are so many avenues other than shadchanim. Why doesn’t she consider online options? Singles events? Expanding her social networking?

amother

Mocha

Yesterday at 9:00 pm

I have a relative with older single sisters and they offered 25k for each sisters successful shidduch. It’s a really special thing if you can do it for your sister!

amother

↑ Skyblue ↓

Yesterday at 9:01 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

She only goes out once a year? Why?

There are so many avenues other than shadchanim. Why doesn’t she consider online options? Singles events? Expanding her social networking?

There were years she didn’t even go out
Suggestions were made but Banging head

One young man was barely Shomer Shabbos, watched TV that was turned on before.
Another was developmentaly slow. He thanked my daughter that she went through with the date.
Yes we made inquiries from before
Bottom line, ppl lie

amother

DarkMagenta

Yesterday at 9:02 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

There were years she didn’t even go out
Suggestions were made but Banging head

Please finish your sentence
But...?

amother

Goldenrod

Yesterday at 9:05 pm

This makes me really sad..I have a sister who is 31, really great girl, liked by all, very creative and fun, but we and my parents are not in any way able to make an offer even close to this. I know Hashem has a plan, but it makes me so sad that ppl need to basically bribe with money to remember the older singles. Kinda disgusting actually. (Not from ops end, but from people who just let them fall by the wayside unless there's a significant amount of money involved)...

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:14 pm

That’s why I feel weird offering just have something in savings and I really want her to get married… it was my husbands idea actually

My parents live simply so it’s not like the shadchanim assume they’ll be making much money to set her up… and yes girls get lost in the shuffle… it’s really hard and upsetting…

amother

Obsidian

Yesterday at 9:15 pm

I had many friends in their thirties who were still dating. They ALL signed a tzedakah contract with a Rabbi Stern from Bnei Brak and they all got married Baruch HaShem! Maybe donate some money to a kollel to learn in her zchus and also offer a shadchan money - split up the $15,000. Also, get in touch with AdoptaShadchan, and/or put your sisters resume on their database. If you pay a monthly fee of 30something dollars, 3 shadchanim will search a 30,000 person database for her weekly.

amother

Gold

Yesterday at 9:18 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

She only goes out once a year? Why?

There are so many avenues other than shadchanim. Why doesn’t she consider online options? Singles events? Expanding her social networking?

This is such a tone deaf response...
Do you know how many girls there are, especially in more Yeshivish circles that could go for years without a date?
The boys' mothers say no for ridiculous things. They are also inundated with resumes so if there is nothing that makes your child stand out or if you don't have someone that they know pushing for you chances are you're not going to hear back at all.

This is just the reality. And no people in these kinds of circles are not going to find the type of boy they are looking for at a single event or an online option.

amother

↑ Skyblue

Yesterday at 9:21 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

Please finish your sentence
But...?

amother

Jade

Yesterday at 9:23 pm

In town at least there are shadchanim who specialize like this, take huge shadchanus but will make each single a priority to them to marry off. Usually its done in the extremely wealthy circles. But they exist, ask around.

amother

SandyBrown

Yesterday at 9:25 pm

I don’t think its bad to offer but for those who can’t afford this, don’t worry, Hashem makes shidduchim and it doesn’t matter if you have money or not.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 9:28 pm

amother Jade wrote:

In town at least there are shadchanim who specialize like this, take huge shadchanus but will make each single a priority to them to marry off. Usually it’s done in the extremely wealthy circles. But they exist, ask around.

Yes I know … looking for the way to approach it I’ll have my parents call tomorrow
So I guess say it bluntly … it’s a given for a certain clientele… ty