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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

OP ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 10:35 pm

I'm facing the difficult dilemma of an 8th grade son who is a smart boy, but has some physical/ neurological deficits--not Autism--that are presenting as physical and social challenges and I'm getting pushback from yeshivos that "he might not do well in the dorm", "how will he handle gemara shiur?"

So what am I supposed to do? Not send him to yeshiva? We have a local yeshiva, but I don't see it as anything better?

giftedmom

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 10:36 pm

Depending on your demographics there are yeshivos catering to such boys

Success10

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 10:37 pm

It’s unclear why you would send him away if there’s a local option. Maybe I don’t fully understand the culture. Are you OOT?

amother

Rose

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 10:37 pm

Where is local?

There are so many types of high schools for so many types of boys!

Also, isn't he in gemara shiur now?

kenz

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 10:56 pm

Eighth grade is so young to dorm for any type of boy, especially one who is nd. Definitely look deeper into the local option.

Elfrida

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 11:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

A local yeshiva would mean he can live at home without the difficulties a dorm might cause for him. If you take away that stress, he'll have more energy to cope with the general shiur. You would also be in a position to be far more aware of what's going on, and involved in any issues that might come up.

I don't know you or your son, or how thus would apply to him, but there are advantages to remaining local.

amother

Chambray

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:55 am

Is there an option to begin in a local yeshiva without dorm thereby delaying dorming for a year or two and switch to a dorm later when he is a bit more mature?

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 4:13 am

There are a few places for boys like that.
Have you spoken with rabbi Strauss? He advises which mesivta/high school would be the best fit. He’s usually very on target (and doesn’t charge either).

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 7:39 am

Success10 wrote:

It’s unclear why you would send him away if there’s a local option. Maybe I don’t fully understand the culture. Are you OOT?

Yes we are out of town and there are reasons I don't feel like the local option is a great fit either. I feel like the day is too long for him and even though the yeshiva is willing to accommodate, my son doesn't like getting accommodations.

I don't know if 1 year will make a huge difference, I feel like he would benefit from learning with all the other 9th graders at the same time and not coming in 10th grade when things might be expected already.

Also I've been told that the curriculum don't always meet up and that will be hard for him to catch up.

I don't know what the answer is. I'm just frustrated that I feel like I'm being told that "no place is good for him" and it's like, Moshe Rabbeinu had a severe speech impediment, R' Nosson Tzvi Finkel zt"l had Parkinsons, and a yeshiva high school is going to reject my son because of his physical and neurological challenges?

Yes he has an IEP.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 8:06 am

Elfrida wrote:

He wants to be treated like a "normal kid", but I feel like if he stays home, he might be "ok" but so far I'm not convinced that its what he needs either.

mha3484 ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 8:09 am

What did his elementary school recommend?

↑ mha3484 ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 8:18 am

I want to empathize with you. I am also OOT but in a bigger community and my son is in 8th with a complicated profile. I actually think he would do well in the local options but his school isn't sure. Its not easy having an out of the box child. Where OOT are you? Maybe one of us can make suggestions?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:21 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Midwest US.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:27 pm

Elfrida wrote:

So I think he would benefit from being around boys his age, vs at home he's the eldest and I don't think that's helping him with maturity.

At home he's very not-social, I wouldn't say "anti-social" but doesn't go out of his way to go talk to his friends outside of school.

He likes learning. He goes to a learning program daily. He likes the program but gets frustrated with his limited "Free" time. If he goes away he'll be at least with everyone and they will all be in the same boat. The local yeshiva goes later into the evening, and while not all boys abide by that schedule, he doesn't want special treatment.

↑ mha3484

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 8:16 am

I am in the Midwest also. If you want to PM me I can tell you some of the places my friends have been looking at. We had an 8th grade meeting in November and the yeshiva was pretty balanced on whether or not you should send out of town. All things equal staying in town is better but many boys thrive in a dorm setting.

amother

PlumPink

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 11:50 am

Would Shaarei Adirim in Chicago be a good option for him?

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