My unpopular opinion

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:30 pm

camp123 wrote:

I have a friend with six kids. With her first five she went with this approach, and tried to persuade me of what you are saying. Then the sixth came and he really couldn't stop himself eating all the sugar. He never got tired of the junk. He ate way too much, after a very long time, she came round to the fact that it had to be limited. Kids are different, what works for some people doesn't work for everyone.
Also, for some kids, if they get used to highly processed junk, it becomes very difficult for them to eat normal, healthy food. The food companies make these things highly addictive, and they ruin a kids taste for normal food, which is why there are so many fussy eaters.

My personal experience has been, when kids are young we have to give them more guidance. I mean, we don't want them eating jellybeans before supper - and they will if we let them. So we set limits in certain areas.
But as they get older, we should be letting go, so they make choices themselves and learn to police themselves. I have seen my teen take a bag of Gummy Bears, eat one or two, say "this is gross!" and put it back in the cabinet. I don't think she would have done that when she was six, but at 16 her tastes and self control are where they should be....

amother

Mocha

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:37 pm

I agree with Chayalle. I always tell my kids that as they get older and they go away to sleep away camp. it's kind of silly for me to be policing how much junk they eat. when they are younger I'm much stricter but with my 14 year old I take the attitude of you're 14 I trust your judgement. Its a gradual process of slowly letting go and I think my 14 year old is very reasonable now. even my younger kids I think are reasonable but no you can't just take candy whenever you want in my house. I also teach that you don't pile your plate high with nosh at a kiddush only to leave most on the plate. I'm the parent, it's my job to teach my children and slowly let go of the reins so that they can be an independent adult.

↑ Chayalle

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:43 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

This is a whole separate topic but in general I try to teach my kids that you take what you are planning to eat. I have seen people (and have hosted them and their kids) who pile up their plate and then throw most of it out. I'm not saying you can always know in advance and get it perfect, and sometimes something isn't to your taste....but I was taught to take in moderation, and take seconds if you like...and not pile up my plate and toss most of it.

giftedmom ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:43 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

You can disagree all you want

If your children are older it will be very hard to change to this route
But try it for a year and or two and then come back and let me know

I was raised this way, and it worked for me and all my siblings
My sisters do the same as I, and see the same results

It's very simple logic
Eating fruity pebbles every single Bingle day makes it very not exciting after a while
My child watches in wonder when we have little guests who raid the nosh cabinet like a bunch if hungry mice

Genetics play a role you do realize that.
Sugary cereals and nosh in general are engineered to be physically addictive. Some kids will be more susceptible to others. And no I will not let my toddlers ruin their developing brains, stomachs, and teeth so they can eat garbage til they’re sick of it.

amother

Hawthorn ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:44 pm

I dont understand this whole unlimited food idea that is very supported on here.

My 3 yo loves yogurts. She would eat 2 whole ones but then would get diarrhea. Its a healthy enough food (3%, no sugar added) but needs to be in moderation. She would also eat tons of cheese with the same result.

I have a kid who would eat 8 clementines.

I set the limits and make sure things are balanced.

amother

↑ Hawthorn

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:48 pm

I have a huge sweet tooth and dh really doesnt.

I have a kid who prefers healthy. She would not want fruity pebbles daily. She prefers ww bread, fruits/veges. She likes treats but usually in moderation. (She moderates.) She had some dental problems and understood the cause and effect

Then I got some that would eat the fruity pebbles for all 3 meals and would eat non stop junk if allowed.

amother

Ecru

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:49 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

I'm not sure this works for everyone.

I was raised with Fruity Pebbles (or Reese's Puffs, or Alpha-Bits, or Honeycomb, or Frosted Flakes) every day for breakfast. It never got old.

We're trying a middle route- those are Shabbos cereals, and even then I showed my oldest kids (I.e. the ones old enough to read) the amount of sugar in them compared to Rice Krispies, and compared to a couple of boxes from the pantry that I knew they thought of as dessert. They were shocked the ''cereal'' has more sugar per serving than at least one of the desserts we looked at. We settled on Shabbos breakfast being about two parts Rice Krispies to one part sugary cereal, plus a piece of fruit, after thinking through how many other sugary treats they'll be eating within the rest of the morning (candy in shul, cookies and cakes at the shul kiddush, dessert at lunch). They don't want to feel sick.

We don't do sweet treats on weekdays unless it's leftover from Shabbos or is another special occasion such as a birthday, but I'll let them pick something from MM to take in their lunch every day after Purim until it's gone because I'm aware the social pressure is extra strong that week. I think ''sugary treats are for special occasions'' is a fair balance, and makes Shabbat and holidays that much more special to look forward to without complete deprivation.

Busybee5 ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 12:52 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Are we in a similar age range? I think what you describe was probably more common in my parents' generation.

However, I do aim for a certain balance and I do need to budget my shopping. I don't see a problem with stocking up on food items when they go on sale, or buying certain special items when they are a bit cheaper (which was sometimes a treat for my family - like for example, buying certain puddings as a treat for my kids when they were on sale - but we didn't buy them all the time.)

I do both for my kids, and they're far from deprived. I prepare really nice biscuits and snacks into bags and also buy the ready ones. They get both.

Unfortunately in my house we've never done Shabbos cereals. They basically pick out what they want from the store so we have all sorts here. Some like the healthier ones.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:14 pm

I won’t throw tomatoes but I don’t agree. It’s a personality thing. My sister and I were raised in the same house and there are certain things she was so humiliated by and said she would never do with her own kids as a result. Those same things had zero impact on me. I think as a parent it’s on me to see what type my kid is and try to equip them with the tools necessary to deal with their particular challenges because life will never be perfect. But I don’t think you can say one particular thing leads to one particular outcome because everyone is so different.

amother

Skyblue ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:16 pm

I didn't read all the comments.
But in response to OP, I see two completely different issues.
One is about limiting real food and healthy snacks (fruits/veggies) and not providing balanced meals for the kids. The other is about snacks and giving kids their snacks (I.e. wants) exactly how their friends have them

For the first issue, I absolutely agree that kids should have healthy access to real foods at meals, plus unlimited access to healthy snacks. Which does not mean that they need the most expensive fruit or dinners, but varied dinners and some kind of assortment of fruits and vegetables available seems reasonable.

For the second, I think that setting rules and doing things your own way builds grit. Why teach your kids to follow the herd when it doesn't make sense? I think this attitude of needing to do things that don't make sense because everyone else does them just becomes more encompassing as kids grow older. Why get sucked into it?

↑ Busybee5

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:16 pm

amother Ruby wrote:

I agree with this, so true.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:20 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

Yes we shouldn't be crazy around food but at the same time as a generation our kids have such minimal boundaries and understanding of life. There has to be a balance. How many times are we told "give in, let them be pile like their classmates, get them whatever their friends have, don't deprive..."
It has gotten absolutely nuts. From spending more on a coat for a teen than I would spend on my own - and I would wear it more than 1-2 years, to bags, name brands, gifts, jewelry, activities, food...

I am younger than you but I never had snack bags ever growing up. It was way more expensive. I also didn't get the $100 sweatshirt that everyone else seemed to own. I never even asked for the $50 one. Because I had a sense that I didn't need exactly what everyone had. I was totally OK, not deprived and no issues with food BH.

It is about balance more than anything. Don't have extremes but you don't need the snack bags. Snack bags won't prevent disordered eating, behavioral issues or trauma.

We are too scared of our kids being uncomfortable or different and THAT will cause them issues.

I completely agree with you. And OP I generally
like what you have to say, and not to minimize your feelings, but I honestly think if kids are being made to feel bad about home bagged snacks by their peers something is very wrong with our chinuch. But then again, maybe I believe it because apparently toddlers can be ostracized for wearing a pink tulle dress, conformity in every way is so important even down to snacks.

This is coming from a mother who does buy bagged snacks because we have disposable income plus I tend towards the lazy side. Although my grocery bills have been absolutely astronomical lately and it might be good to cut down on some extras. One thing I don’t like about bagged snacks is I find them addictive. If I don’t stop some of my kids they will nosh on bag after bag and fill up on junk.

amother

↑ Tulip ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:24 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Then they'll do it when you don't see
Teach them in different ways then, but restricting isn't teaching

I've seen way too many times on this website how restrictive parents are
It's pathetic

As a parent I set limits and boundaries too, but restricting doesn't get anyone anywhere
Choose your battles and be smart about it

Children who are lacking at home, be it attention, technology access, nosh, food etc, WILL find ways to get it on their own

↑ giftedmom ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:28 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

This is very black n white thinking. As with everything in life, balance is key. As women we were given intuition for a reason. Every situation and every child warrants its own approach. Parent the child not the method. And never say never especially if your kids are young and well behaved.

amother

Iris ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:37 pm

amother Rose wrote:

I find when I buy big bags and divide into small bags that we end up packing much bigger portions, actually. I like the individual bags because of their portion control and convenience.
Unless you have 10+ kids or are on an extremely tight budget, I never understand why people think it's worth nickel and diming on this. How much do they end up saving per month, $15? I'm sorry, sanity is not worth that, in my mind. There are much bigger items you can scrimp on that will make a bigger difference.

The portions in the snack bags are a joke, and they're overpriced. I buy big bags and repack and my kids enjoy getting larger amounts. Why would I want to pay .45 for a few chips? No, were not struggling financially, but neither are my kids begging for snack bags.

amother

↑ Tulip ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:50 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Where in my post do you see black and white thinking? Just because you disagree that doesn't make it black and white
Read my post
I said find different ways to teach.

And I never said never

There is literally no correlation between your response and my post

amother

↑ Iris ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:50 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

Ok, but kids can also differ. Some of my kids love healthy foods and some would prefer to eat junk all the time. They all live in the same house with the same access to foods.

amother

Alyssum

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 1:51 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

I think you need to be the type of person who really doesnt care if they do choose to eat an unhealthy breakfast a few days in a row, or the type to be ok with ur kids having screentime often.

It’s probably the indifference that makes the kids indifferent to it as well.
The second you actually care (and u cant fake it, kids feel everything) this wont work.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:01 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

I honestly don’t know how you can be a healthy caring mother and completely not care what your kids do. In a different world we’d call it neglect but if it’s a parenting method then hey it’s fine right?

↑ flowerpower ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:03 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

Not really. I will never buy fruity pebbles and other garbage because they are not considered edible. I buy basic cereals like regular Cheerios and rice crispies… my kids taste buds developed into eating normal cereals. When we go to a hotel that offers free breakfast I bring up some fruity pebbles and “colorful cherrios” as a treat. They don’t even eat a full spoon before saying yuk. I see kids coming to the bus stop with sugar loaded junk cereals every single morning. Is this how you want your kids to start their day on? Sugar and garbage?! I call soda “poison” in my house. We don’t bring it in usually unless there is special guest on shabbos. Even then its only fresca. Its ok to teach kids that there are healthy food and junky food and they should try to make wise choices.