My unpopular opinion

mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 8:42 am

All these posts about people being strict about how many snacks per day and how many yogurts per day or serving only rice for supper or rationing one drumstick per child , etc….
Also, kids knowing that parents only by food on sale etc….

I think this hurts the children terribly . It’s extremely rigid , makes kids feel like they are being stifled and very anxious . It also makes them desperate for regular, average things that they otherwise probably wouldn’t care about .

Small example:
As a small child my mom bought only big bags of chips and pretzels to save money and put it in baggies for snacks every day. I can’t describe my desperate yearning to have a regular chip bag like everyone else in my class.

My own children often ask me to buy big bags and put the snack into baggies . They couldn’t care less. Why? Because they were never made to feel like something so small and stupid was out of their reach .

(For clarity: no, I did not grow up in a poor , deprived home . But there was something about all the rules and rigidity around certain things combined with my personality that really effected me badly .)

Anyway, back to my point . Think very long and clearly about the way your approach to food is effecting your children.

Throw the tomatoes . I’m ready ! 😈

amother

↑ Geranium

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 8:49 am

amother Watermelon wrote:

I agree.

Dh was raised even worse than that and is repeating the mistakes with our kids.

I'm trying to help him break the chain.
We finally have snack bags nowadays, but the kids know they were mostly on sale and they are limited to school days. Which makes sense but they're already traumatized from when younger. (Eg dd in ninth grade and we didn't have snack bags til she was in 6th.)

I think calling this trauma is a mistake.

Chayalle ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 8:51 am

Are we in a similar age range? I think what you describe was probably more common in my parents' generation.

However, I do aim for a certain balance and I do need to budget my shopping. I don't see a problem with stocking up on food items when they go on sale, or buying certain special items when they are a bit cheaper (which was sometimes a treat for my family - like for example, buying certain puddings as a treat for my kids when they were on sale - but we didn't buy them all the time.)

Mommyg8

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 8:58 am

Chayalle wrote:

I think I'm a little older than both of you, and I don't think this was true necessarily. I grew up when both sets of my grandparents were relatively young and there weren't those kind of rules about food. They and my parents were very generous with food, actually, and even though we were not rich at all (neither of my grandparents owned their own home), there was always plenty of food. My husband grew up the same way.

(They did believe that people shouldn't waste food and eat everything on your plate, but that's something else).

I raise my children the same way. Even if I can't afford more expensive food, I'll buy lots of cheaper food so that there's always enough.

Last edited by Mommyg8 on Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:03 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lotus

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:00 am

I agree with you 100%. But education is also okay- I take my kids on shopping trips to Aldi and Walmart so they can see themselves the difference in pricing and it’s actually exciting for them. Sometimes they will ask why I bought a certain brand of something, different than my usual, and I tell them there was a great sale- We have a blast when we go to Bingo!

I have never ever told them no if they wanted me to buy a food item. We have a huge abundant snack back drawer for their hearts content. And food is always plentiful- both brand name and store brand items.

Point is, food should never be restricted. It works the same for people who only want to feed their kids organic or non-processed food. They need to feel normal.

lfab

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:00 am

No tomatoes from me, I agree with you 100%. When my kids were little they didn't know/ care and I would buy big bags and repackage for snacks. Or buy whatever was cheapest, etc. But as they got older they wanted what their friends had and to fit in and not be the odd one out. When our comes to snacks I never restrict due to expense. I may limit the number of snack bags they can have in a day, but that's for health reasons. I don't want them having 4 bags of chips/cookies a day because it's unhealthy. But when it comes to real food I never ever restrict how much they can have. If a child eats a yogurt and wants another, go ahead and have one. You want 3 string cheeses have as many as you want, etc. If something is really expensive I may not buy it as often but once it's in the house they can have as much as they want. And if there's something I know that they like, even if expensive, I make sure to buy it here and there so they can get a chance to enjoy the foods they like. Kids should always feel like they have access to as much food as they need. Even if they technically have enough food placing restrictions on how much they can eat causes anxiety that they may not access to enough food when they are hungry. Better to cut expenses everywhere else before food.

amother

NeonOrange

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:03 am

Actually my teenage daughter theorized that we consume too much food and junk. Even those of us who were thin as kids gained a lot and the average weight of children and teens is up a ton. Portion size is up a lot too.

I think we need to teach this generation that we don’t need all this snack and junk and train them to eat 3 healthy meals with fruit in between. And yes let your kids know that one snack bag is enough calories/oil for a day. If they understand it the won’t feel deprived.

amother

Starflower ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:03 am

Chayalle wrote:

This. It's a balance. I think it's ok that my kids know I won't spend more than .50 per snack bag and that's the ones we get. But I don't say no snack bags at all. I also ask them to please take one or two snacks that aren't snack bags instead of taking 4 snack bags daily. I used to say no candy for school but I realized it was just making them want it more...so I buy bulk candy and they can choose one or two a day and are happy. Being rigid doesn't do anyone any good.

notshanarishona

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:06 am

We do the best we can to make the kids not feel deprived while making financially conscious choices.
For example I won’t limit how much chicken they can have but I will make the chicken into a dish so it’s spread thinly with pasta or veggies.
Similarly we will bake things that are equivalent to what people bring in and when on sale will buy individual bags, everything is a balancing act or combining not buying what you can’t afford and raising healthy children.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:06 am

I think there’s a way to do it without the kids feeling deprived, while still understanding the value of money. For the record, we are a family that is comfortable bh, go on vacations and give lots of tzedakah. We still budget because we are saving responsibly, and we want the kids to know the value of money.
For example, on Black Friday I bought a case of individual Pringles on sale. It’s a cool snack that my kids love, I don’t buy it every day.
When I’m placing orders the kids see the prices and we discuss mixing cheaper and more expensive snacks so each kid isn’t taking $4-$5 of snack every day.
We bake a lot, they love taking homemade baked goods. On rare occasions that I buy prepackaged danishes they say thank you and really appreciate it.
Snack bags are only for school. No one feels deprived when they have a whole cabinet of nosh on Shabbos, it doesn’t enter their minds to open the snack drawer.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:11 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I also grew up in a home with BH plenty of food options, and my grandparents as well, but I did know friends and relatives who had more rules around food (I never personally related to that).

But also, we did have the bags of chips and cookies that we packaged for snack for school. My parents would never have spent on individual snack bags, it would have been wasteful for them. Also we did have some rules about how much you could take from certain items, though we had plenty of options (like, I could have 3 cookies, and then I could have pretzels, and I could have fruit....but not necessarily all the cookies...)
I actually find that without these rules my kids have learned to control themselves well in these areas. If DD is studying and she has a need for a sugar fix, she gets to make the choice to take candy. I don't find that she's gorging on candy all the time just because I don't have rules surrounding it. They snack when they feel a need. It's not at all out of control.

I don't know anyone who only makes rice for dinner, and don't relate to kids being able to have only 1 drumstick.....BH. I imagine that people who would do that would be for a real lack of finances, no? In the US there are programs to combat that BH.....
I grew up with the protein/starch/vegetable model for dinner, so for example last night was sesame chicken, rice, and brocolli. I generally cook an amount that covers our family, everyone takes what they want (recently had to learn to adjust that now that my girls BH got married...). DH usually eats leftovers next day lunch, so cooking extra works out well anyway. (Plus you never know when a married daughter shows up to visit, sometimes with a in-the-mood-of-a-snack SIL....LOL.)

amother

Chestnut

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:20 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

But look how gr8 u turned out! I think it’s ok to teach kids that they are living within their means, I believe all the spending on cc’s and keeping up with Schwartz’s is hurting kids too. I also don’t think kids should know too much about their financial situation, I hate when parents complain in front of kids that they have no money.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 9:26 am

amother Starflower wrote:

Absolutely this. Actually DD's elementary school had a rule that you could bring snack bags for certain recess but not all (don't remember exactly, it's been a few years) so that kids wouldn't bring 4 snack bags. I think at English recess you had to have something more healthy. DD got me into the habit of making her bags with cut sliced apples, or cucumber spears, or baby carrots....she would also take pretzels (bagged or not, there was a type she liked that came in big package) or crackers....