What to do next? (Issue with teacher)

amother

Violet

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 7:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

We have PTA coming up. What should I say to the teacher?

I think you should reiterate that it's bothering your daughter and you know she's trying but it's still happening now often than not. What does she suggest? And then mention s few ideas like maybe a name sign on the desk or does she want your daughter to telling her?
I think making her think of a solution it'll put it more "in her hands" to try to make it work

amother

Daisy

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 7:16 pm

My sister is the grade in top of me.
We are completely different personalities, and look nothing alike.
I was ok with being called by her name once in a while. It’s a mistake. But constantly? That’s just rude, I would’ve hated it. It also bothered me a ton when in 6th grade, one teacher always cracked down really hard on me if I ever breathed out of place, because my sister took her for a ride the year b4.

As an aside, like I mentioned, my sister and I have completely different personalities. We enjoy different subjects and excel in different areas.
In 9th grade, at PTA, one teacher wanted to know what she did wrong because I was disinterested in her class, and she knew I would love her class if I payed more attention, because my sister absolutely loved her classes. Guess who never listened in that class another day? I was so turned off.

Bottom like? Ask your daughter’s teacher to come up with a solution for herself, because it’s not fair to your daughter, and can leave her feeling resentful of her sister. So many things the teacher can do, if she cares enough.

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 7:19 pm

OP, just adding that I really feel for you and your daughter. My second daughter had this in preschool. We live in a small community so whenever we would see her Morah around town/ Shabbos etc she would get so excited and her Morah would greet her with a big smile and cheerful face "hello (sibling)!" She was so deflated after each time. We tried to gently correct, but it never worked.

jj1236

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 9:25 pm

You should definitely validate your daughter and say that sounds very frustrating. If it truly is all the time then at PTC say something. Just keep in mind that your daughter may be exaggerating from her point of view. She may feel like it’s all the time but in reality it’s only sometimes. Kids see things differently and parents are quick to believe them right away but maybe ask her is it actually every day or just sometimes.
Either way, it’s clearly bothering her and you should kindly let the teacher know how much it’s affecting her.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 9:33 pm

Some names just get mixed up in certain people's minds. My dd gets therapy, and I always call her OT and PT both by the PT's name. I think I'm getting better about it, thanks to my kids always asking, did you really mean Judy or did you mean Betty as usual?

One year, when I taught, I always called one of my students by a different kid's name. It happens.

amother

DarkPurple

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 9:44 pm

My DD would get in trouble with 1 teacher because DD did not respond to her sisters name. Ummm.... it's not her name, why should she respond to it?

If teacher gets every other name right, she is verbally abusing your dd if she consistently calls her by another name. If speaking to her at PTA doesn't help, talk to the principal. An occassional mistake is forgivable. Not ever getting it right is saying that yur dd is a nothing a not worth getting to know.

amother

Celeste

Yesterday at 12:38 pm

In my days the principal of Bais Yaakov Elementary (5 grades of over 100 girls each plus preschool and mind you not a teacher who sees the girls for entire lessons but the principal) made sure to know each girl's name. If he ever called you by the wrong name or mixed up your name he would give you a soda can.
(The identical twins in the school were lucky that year Smile

)

amother

Waterlily

Yesterday at 1:11 pm

As other people have said, firmly tell your teacher that you need a plan, either dd not replying to a name that is not hers, a sign, etc. Feel her out first, if you can see she is antagonistic about really changing, speak to the principal so she is aware this teacher is past her prime and tell your daughter this is something that is not about her.

I have had teachers who were unreasonable and generally it meant they had issues. You could not work with them. They generally retired shortly after.

amother

RosePink

Yesterday at 10:37 pm

I have a few girls one after the other and they're in a small school and I'm always nervous about teachers expecting the younger siblings to be like the oldest. My oldest is super conscientious but not all my kids are. So far I haven't had any major issues but my 5 year old did mention that her teacher calls her my other daughters name sometimes. She didn't complain though so I hope it's not bothering her.

Lovable

Yesterday at 10:46 pm

I love how everyone is defending the teacher
She should make it a priority to ingrain the students names in her brain
The same way the students are expected to study for tests and remember bundles of info, she needs to make it her business to remember names. It is not THAT difficult
Students get points off on a test for every wrong answer. She needs to apply herself as hard as she expects her students to

amother

Latte

Yesterday at 11:04 pm

The teacher should care more. I've been teaching in the same school for around 16 years and have brothers all the time. Plus it's a close knit community school with many many cousins with repeated names. I make an absolute effort to know every single student's name on the first day, and I absolutely apologize (with a smile and maybe a joking comment) if I call someone by their brother's name. Absolutely I wouldn't do it consistently and without caring.

(Yes teachers are human, and yes we all call our own kids accidentally by their siblings' names but it's not the same thing at all. It's one thing if my mother accidentally calls me by my sisters name before correcting herself, it would be another thing entirely if my boss decided my name is chava instead of Chaya and put me in the position of either constantly answering to the wrong name or constantly correcting her. And if it's my sister's name, I'd wonder if the boss is even seeing me for me. School should be an emotionally safe place for kids and teachers should protect that.)