Why is Chanukah a time for tipping

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:50 pm

My school sent home a paper reminding us that Chanukah is about "lhodos ulhalel" and therefore please gift the Rebbeim, teachers, therapists and secretaries generously.
I don't get it. It's a time "lhodos ulhalel" towards Hashem. Since when towards the teachers

I have a lot of appreciation. But very little money. And I hate this pressure and this feeling (implied or explicit) that my child will be treated differently if the teacher or therapist does or doesn't get a generous enough gift.

amother

Azalea ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

Im totally with you. It's becoming insane how much pressure the school applies to wrestle tips out of struggling parents.

Lhodos ulhalel does not need to be done with money. We can thank and praise them with words too.

amother

Darkblue ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 7:38 pm

It's nuts. Two of my kids' schools sent home notes demanding we send in a monetary gift, and that the class should not do a collective gift with everyone chipping in ,because then the teachers end up with less money.

Let's be real. This isn't about appreciation. It's pure greed and desire for money.

You can't legistlate appreciation and tell people to show appreciation. Appreciation is something that is felt innately and can be expressed in many ways-money, a gift, a card or simply saying thank you every day by pickup.

I'm so disgusted by this whole thing that I want to b'davka not give now. But of course I can't cuz really it's also a bribe and I don't want my kid to suffer

For shame that these are the people being mechanech our children

amother

Maize

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 7:50 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

That’s honestly disgusting, and I honestly would not give. I would give a donut or small box of treats with a heartfelt card and call it a day. I can’t imagine that a teacher wouldn’t appreciate that, and I feel like this notice is more from the administration. I’m sure the majority of teachers are just happy to feel appreciated and get the recognition, it’s not about the actual money

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 7:53 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

That’s why collective gifts are nice
There’s no “bribery” because the teacher doesn’t know who didn’t tip and who tipped extra

In our school they write who gave on the card

amother

Clover ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:02 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

In our school they write who gave on the card

Even then they don't know who gave how much. We gave less than the requested amount but our name goes on the card. I get the generic "thank you" email every year. (A whole other rant. Please dont mass email us when we sent in lots of money!! Even less than the requested amounts it still is a lot. Even copying and pasting the message and adding "dear Mr and Mrs BlahBlah" to the top makes me feel like you didnt just want the cash).

We appreciate the teachers, just don't have the money.

amother

DarkViolet ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:08 pm

Wow none of my kids schools ever sent out a letter to remind us. I would honestly hate that. I give money on my own because I wholeheartedly feel so much gratitude and want to show it in the way that is most appreciated. Teachers understand that families are struggling and don't expect generous amounts in those situations. I'm a teacher and I remember feeling so touched when a mom gave me 10$ with a heartfelt note. Im looking forward to giving chanukah gelt with a personal card to my kids morahs and rebbis. I'm just happy that none of the schools had to demand it from me.

amother

↑ Mocha

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:17 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

In our school they write who gave on the card

Maybe they shouldn’t
I get that it’ll motivate parents to give even something small so their name is on the card but maybe they should be looking out for the students more than the teacher

amother

↑ DarkViolet ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:17 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Did you write them a personal card? If yes, then I would expect a personal text written back. If you didn't write them a card but just had your name signed, don't expect anything personal back.

amother

↑ Azalea ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:32 pm

Mandating gift giving is an oxymoron. Once you mandate it, it's no longer a gift.

Same for appreciation. Once you mandate appreciation, it's no longer serves as appreciation.

It only works when it's optional.

amother

↑ DarkViolet ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:47 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Exactly. It's very tactless. Also, I feel that majority of parents understand that chanukah is the ideal time to show appreciation. We don't need to be reminded by the school.

amother

Honey

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 9:39 pm

I am a teacher but also a parent. I agree - the mandated gifting is crazy.

My school has a collective option and it’s completely not forced, but you still feel you have to give, because everyone is. The schools breathing down your backs about it…wow. As a teacher I love appreciation. And of course who doesn’t like money? But it’s definitely not a chiyuv.

amother

↑ Clover

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 9:46 pm

amother DarkViolet wrote:

Did you write them a personal card? If yes, then I would expect a personal text written back. If you didn't write them a card but just had your name signed, don't expect anything personal back.

Even when I handwrite a personal card I get a generic email blast thank you.

amother

Purple

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 9:55 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Even when I handwrite a personal card I get a generic email blast thank you.

Many times I gave a nice amount of money with a card and got no thank you at all, not even a generic one.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 9:58 pm

Our school does a collective thing but we have many many teachers and just can’t give. I appreciate the teachers very much, wish I had some other alternative otherwise I look like the bad parent who doesn’t tip.
Mind you I’m a social worker I never get any tips and DH works in a different capacity with people, also no tips 🤷‍♀️

amother

↑ DarkViolet ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 10:34 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

I don't think its about "tipping". It's about showing appreciation for people who teach your child day in and day out.

amother

↑ DarkViolet ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 10:35 pm

amother Purple wrote:

Many times I gave a nice amount of money with a card and got no thank you at all, not even a generic one.

This happens sometimes to me. I then text the morah or rebbi to confirm they got the gift and they'll usually respond very kindly.

gottago

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 10:54 pm

To answer your original question, chanukah is related to chinuch and has traditionally been a time for giving gifts of money to torah teachers.
I mean for hundreds of years. It's actually the only source for presents this time of year.
One could argue that it's limited to rebbeim. But since we've expanded to giving gifts to our families, it might be less of a stretch to give to English teachers.

That being said, as both a teacher abs a parent, I dislike the managed group giving. Let me send a card and whatever I choose.

amother

Floralwhite

Yesterday at 5:42 pm

Its called chanuka gelt! (Where does that originate / apply to tipping teachers - no idea - start another thread!) (In Israel we had the little kids asking for 'maot chanuka' - just collecting money for themselves.)

I just paid over $200 to various school collections for teachers - thats before giving cash to the Rabbeiim. Not mandated by the schools, but email reminders every day now. I dont normally do it, used to give my own gifts & cards but I haven't given money in a while and I happen to have the money now. I dont get any tips or a bonus where I work, so I hope I can figure out something for kids presents & entertainment for when they are off during chanuka. Group giving loses its personal touch, but it makes it considerably easier to give a little and join in the class gift for those who cant afford much.