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amother
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 Yesterday at 9:59 pm
| amother Lemonchiffon wrote: | I don't think anybody actually read the OP.
I think that OP has just as much of a right to make financial decisions about food as her husband, and I would be mad if my DH would try to limit me.
That said, I think they need to sit down and discuss this and try to meet in the middle. |
This was my main concern, too. That it could be the real issue is that her husband is overly controlling and its not really about snack choices.
Generally speaking finances should be a joint decision.
It's hard to know with the lack of info we have.
OP would you like to come back and respond?
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Raizle
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Yesterday at 10:01 pm
| amother Navyblue wrote: | OP, you stated right at the outset that finances are tight. That being the case, it seems to me that your DH is simply doing the responsible thing. Children do not need prepackaged commercial snacks. They do not need custom-made dinners to suit their individual tastes. If you feel they "need" these things, then both you and they are spoiled. It won't do the kids or you a lick of harm to learn that wanting and needing are two very different things. And you need to wake up and smell the coffee: money doesn't grow on trees, and when your finances are tight, you tighten your belt and give up luxuries until such time as your financial situation eases up. And you don't need to apologize to anyone for living frugally and responsibly. "Everyone else" who gives their kids prepackaged junk food (which is anyway unhealthy in so many ways) is not going to come to your rescue when the bank repossesses your house, your landlord evicts you for nonpayment of rent, or the utility company turns off your water and electricity. KWIM?
BTW you didn't say that you work. I'm guessing that you don't, be ause if you did you might have a different attitude. Maybe consider getting a job so you can help ease the financial situation. When you're the one earning the dough, you can waste it on prepackaged junk for your kids if you like. |
She did say they both work
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amother
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Yesterday at 10:30 pm
I started this on Friday and then had to get ready for Shabbos:
So we really do buy bare-minimum most times. I'm talking generic chips, pretzels, generic oreos, and Fruit by The Foot because we get it from Costco. But after a while they get bored. They want "pringles" or "popcorners". We never buy "snack bags"--those are only for trips, or I get one case of veggie straws through subscribe n save (and that's because even if we get the big bag from Costco on our 1-2 trips per month they will be gone way too fast). "Special snacks" are fruit cups/applesauce cups, puddings, bamba (which has to be an at home snack because of school rules), instead of single-serve yogurts we buy tubs of yogurt and add our own m&ms . We usually have an after-school snack because we are both working, we have to do supper later, but it works better because my kids are not early-birds so otherwise they are hungry before bed. This summer I treated my kids to "Prezilla rolls" because they were getting bored of the same sandwiches every day (we don't get lunches in school).
Most of our "dinners" when he makes it become "plain pasta" and you can add cheese, or not. If we do rice, then you can put it on a tortilla and add fake meat, cheese. Really bare minimum. We don't usually SERVE veggies as part of supper but we usually have carrots, celery, apples, oranges, bananas and sometimes other veggies and the kids all help themselves. We would have cheese sticks as well, though since Kraft recently lost their reliable hechsher that one hurts and I'm not sure what will replace it. I have kids who "don't like noodles". I have kids who "don't like rice", I have kids who "don't like potatoes". There are very few foods that all 6 kids like so I try to find a medium. We only have chicken/fleishgs as "shabbos leftovers"--and we buy 1 8pc chicken per week, and the kids get chicken nuggets and hot dogs (that they like). The only processed foods/pre-made foods we buy are fish sticks, pizza snaps like once a month, bagels, pitas, and french fries. It's not like I'm stocking up on frozen entrees. We don't even buy frozen pizza, we get ready made pizza dough and make our own. I work full time with 7 kids I need SOMETHING for "easy suppers"
I too don't want them to feel deprived because with our income we shouldn't have to live like paupers, but I honestly don't know why our budget stinks (yes I'm aware of my finances and we don't really buy much so I don't know why our standard of living seems to be below everyone elses)
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amother
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Yesterday at 11:14 pm
| amother Navyblue wrote: | OP, you stated right at the outset that finances are tight. That being the case, it seems to me that your DH is simply doing the responsible thing. Children do not need prepackaged commercial snacks. They do not need custom-made dinners to suit their individual tastes. If you feel they "need" these things, then both you and they are spoiled. It won't do the kids or you a lick of harm to learn that wanting and needing are two very different things. And you need to wake up and smell the coffee: money doesn't grow on trees, and when your finances are tight, you tighten your belt and give up luxuries until such time as your financial situation eases up. And you don't need to apologize to anyone for living frugally and responsibly. "Everyone else" who gives their kids prepackaged junk food (which is anyway unhealthy in so many ways) is not going to come to your rescue when the bank repossesses your house, your landlord evicts you for nonpayment of rent, or the utility company turns off your water and electricity. KWIM?
BTW you didn't say that you work. I'm guessing that you don't, be ause if you did you might have a different attitude. Maybe consider getting a job so you can help ease the financial situation. When you're the one earning the dough, you can waste it on prepackaged junk for your kids if you like. |
Pretty judgemental post. Your attitude is so negative. I work and I love to spend on my kids. Don’t get what one has to do with the other. I actually work and my husband doesn’t so it’s not like I don’t carry the financial stress.
People have different attitudes regarding spending as well as regarding food.
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BaltoMom65
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Yesterday at 11:20 pm
| amother Navyblue wrote: | OP, you stated right at the outset that finances are tight. That being the case, it seems to me that your DH is simply doing the responsible thing. Children do not need prepackaged commercial snacks. They do not need custom-made dinners to suit their individual tastes. If you feel they "need" these things, then both you and they are spoiled. It won't do the kids or you a lick of harm to learn that wanting and needing are two very different things. And you need to wake up and smell the coffee: money doesn't grow on trees, and when your finances are tight, you tighten your belt and give up luxuries until such time as your financial situation eases up. And you don't need to apologize to anyone for living frugally and responsibly. "Everyone else" who gives their kids prepackaged junk food (which is anyway unhealthy in so many ways) is not going to come to your rescue when the bank repossesses your house, your landlord evicts you for nonpayment of rent, or the utility company turns off your water and electricity. KWIM?
BTW you didn't say that you work. I'm guessing that you don't, be ause if you did you might have a different attitude. Maybe consider getting a job so you can help ease the financial situation. When you're the one earning the dough, you can waste it on prepackaged junk for your kids if you like. | Holy! Take a chill pill and reread the op
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amother
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Yesterday at 11:29 pm
I want to add that my husband is generally "not controlling" and in general is a mensch, it's I'm having a hard time reading him in this scenario.
He complains that the kids aren't eating the foods he makes--but he relies on the same "5 foods", and then they get bored.
When they voice an opinion of what they want/ they are willing to eat the answers are "it's a patchke" or "too expensive"
I know he'd love it if our kids would do "Rice and beans" for a while so that we can pay down some debt, but they don't want that.
I'd love to find an area that we can scrimp on besides food and clothes (bascially all kohls, walmart, amazon, and some kidichic for my eldest daughter who is almost 10).
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Raizle
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Yesterday at 11:30 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I started this on Friday and then had to get ready for Shabbos:
So we really do buy bare-minimum most times. I'm talking generic chips, pretzels, generic oreos, and Fruit by The Foot because we get it from Costco. But after a while they get bored. They want "pringles" or "popcorners". We never buy "snack bags"--those are only for trips, or I get one case of veggie straws through subscribe n save (and that's because even if we get the big bag from Costco on our 1-2 trips per month they will be gone way too fast). "Special snacks" are fruit cups/applesauce cups, puddings, bamba (which has to be an at home snack because of school rules), instead of single-serve yogurts we buy tubs of yogurt and add our own m&ms . We usually have an after-school snack because we are both working, we have to do supper later, but it works better because my kids are not early-birds so otherwise they are hungry before bed. This summer I treated my kids to "Prezilla rolls" because they were getting bored of the same sandwiches every day (we don't get lunches in school).
Most of our "dinners" when he makes it become "plain pasta" and you can add cheese, or not. If we do rice, then you can put it on a tortilla and add fake meat, cheese. Really bare minimum. We don't usually SERVE veggies as part of supper but we usually have carrots, celery, apples, oranges, bananas and sometimes other veggies and the kids all help themselves. We would have cheese sticks as well, though since Kraft recently lost their reliable hechsher that one hurts and I'm not sure what will replace it. I have kids who "don't like noodles". I have kids who "don't like rice", I have kids who "don't like potatoes". There are very few foods that all 6 kids like so I try to find a medium. We only have chicken/fleishgs as "shabbos leftovers"--and we buy 1 8pc chicken per week, and the kids get chicken nuggets and hot dogs (that they like). The only processed foods/pre-made foods we buy are fish sticks, pizza snaps like once a month, bagels, pitas, and french fries. It's not like I'm stocking up on frozen entrees. We don't even buy frozen pizza, we get ready made pizza dough and make our own. I work full time with 7 kids I need SOMETHING for "easy suppers"
I too don't want them to feel deprived because with our income we shouldn't have to live like paupers, but I honestly don't know why our budget stinks (yes I'm aware of my finances and we don't really buy much so I don't know why our standard of living seems to be below everyone elses) |
Ok this is the thing. Maybe I'm forgetting what little kids eat but meals made up of mainly carbs and starches are going to lead to hungry kids who snack more.
What do they have for protein besides yoghurt sometimes and chicken for Shabbos? Are you not giving protein because of financials constraints or because they don't like it?
Protein makes you less hungry and is important for their nutrition.
A full meal should have protein, complex carbohydrates and some vegetables.
Of course they will want more snacks, they are hungry without balanced meals
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amother
Crocus
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Yesterday at 11:36 pm
| amother Sage wrote: | | Not snacks though, things like cheese, fresh fruit veggies will go a long way |
Fruits and veggies cost the same if not more than snack bags
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amother
Lightgray
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Yesterday at 11:47 pm
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OP-I don’t have advice-just a lot of empathy. We are struggling to pay our bills with 2 kids, we both work full time and I can’t imagine doing that with 6 kids. Two working parents requires some shortcuts with food but it’s expensive and there is no easy answer
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amother
NeonGreen
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Yesterday at 11:54 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I started this on Friday and then had to get ready for Shabbos:
So we really do buy bare-minimum most times. I'm talking generic chips, pretzels, generic oreos, and Fruit by The Foot because we get it from Costco. But after a while they get bored. They want "pringles" or "popcorners". We never buy "snack bags"--those are only for trips, or I get one case of veggie straws through subscribe n save (and that's because even if we get the big bag from Costco on our 1-2 trips per month they will be gone way too fast). "Special snacks" are fruit cups/applesauce cups, puddings, bamba (which has to be an at home snack because of school rules), instead of single-serve yogurts we buy tubs of yogurt and add our own m&ms . We usually have an after-school snack because we are both working, we have to do supper later, but it works better because my kids are not early-birds so otherwise they are hungry before bed. This summer I treated my kids to "Prezilla rolls" because they were getting bored of the same sandwiches every day (we don't get lunches in school).
Most of our "dinners" when he makes it become "plain pasta" and you can add cheese, or not. If we do rice, then you can put it on a tortilla and add fake meat, cheese. Really bare minimum. We don't usually SERVE veggies as part of supper but we usually have carrots, celery, apples, oranges, bananas and sometimes other veggies and the kids all help themselves. We would have cheese sticks as well, though since Kraft recently lost their reliable hechsher that one hurts and I'm not sure what will replace it. I have kids who "don't like noodles". I have kids who "don't like rice", I have kids who "don't like potatoes". There are very few foods that all 6 kids like so I try to find a medium. We only have chicken/fleishgs as "shabbos leftovers"--and we buy 1 8pc chicken per week, and the kids get chicken nuggets and hot dogs (that they like). The only processed foods/pre-made foods we buy are fish sticks, pizza snaps like once a month, bagels, pitas, and french fries. It's not like I'm stocking up on frozen entrees. We don't even buy frozen pizza, we get ready made pizza dough and make our own. I work full time with 7 kids I need SOMETHING for "easy suppers"
I too don't want them to feel deprived because with our income we shouldn't have to live like paupers, but I honestly don't know why our budget stinks (yes I'm aware of my finances and we don't really buy much so I don't know why our standard of living seems to be below everyone elses) |
OP, I just want to say, you sound AMAZING. The time and effort you put into saving money when you work full time and have 7 kids really blows my mind. I hope I can one day be as good as you at saving money.
That being said, I do think it's important socially for the kids to have snacks in school. It's a reality. Kids feel left out when they don't have snacks they see other kids have. So I would try to bend on that a little.
As for dinners, maybe you can get good ideas from imamothers here about other good dinner options to change it up a bit for the kids!
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MommyPhD
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Today at 12:28 am
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | OP, how old are you?
Your opening statement "I don't understand why we can't afford what others can afford" says everything. There are wants and there are needs, two separate things.
A home is a home and not a restaurant! The normal is having ONE dinner.
Your DH is right in everything. Grow up. |
That's a bit mean, isn't it? I would also wonder where all the money was going with two parents working FT.
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MommyPhD
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Today at 12:30 am
| amother Ebony wrote: | I don't know. I grew up where we never got snack bags, treats were carefully rationed and we were only allowed a small amount. It wasn't a nice feeling and I grew up feeling deprived.
I choose to try and be more generous. We don't have much money to spare and I try and be careful, but I don't want my children to feel deprived. I don't buy the snack bags, I bake a lot. I let them choose something special for shabbos, they get something special for rosh chodesh. I take them out once every few months, each child on their own, something small like an ice coffee. And I hope that it makes them feel like they are getting everything they want.
I'm somewhere in the middle between op and her dh. I get the not wanting to make 2 suppers, but I try to know my kids preferences. I'm not going to make a one pot supper that I know might be easy for me, but no one will eat. And yes there are the nights where someone decides they don't like the supper, and that's where they can have cereal and milk. |
I can definitely relate to your post. My husband and I make decent money but also grew up without much, and I do like to indulge my children within reason. I think it sounds like you are managing beautifully!
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amother
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Today at 12:49 am
| MommyPhD wrote: | | That's a bit mean, isn't it? I would also wonder where all the money was going with two parents working FT. |
What's there to wonder?? So many places for money to go. And you have no idea how much they are making and what jobs they have. And you have no idea their expenses.If I make 60k and my husband makes 24k that still leaves us at 84k before taxes and we don't make ends meet.
add in many dental issues that I have and we are broke....
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dankbar
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Today at 1:06 am
If you skimp on meals, the kids will keep looking for foods to snack on.
If they have full meals, well balanced they will be more satiated and won't look to just snack on unhealthy foods.
If they just get a bowl of plain pasta for dinner they will feel full right away, but it won't hold them for long, and after a short time they will get hungry again.
If you can't afford meat, maybe try to have some cheaper proteins like tuna and eggs.
Also if you would add more veggies, it would make them more full. So if you have whole wheat bread with tuna salad or egg salad + veggies or salad.
If you do pasta mixed with veggies and melted cheese, + yogurt fruit smoothie or cut up fruit or cut up veggies with dressing like carrots, baby corn, cucumbers.
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amother
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Today at 1:15 am
| amother Sage wrote: | | Not snacks though, things like cheese, fresh fruit veggies will go a long way |
You should also have snacks readily available.
Doesn’t need to be fancy snack bags but you should have a supply of snacks other then cheese and fruits and vegetables.
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amother
Firethorn
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Today at 1:19 am
You sound like an amazing who works really hard and is trying to give her kids the best childhood!
I would try to make sure that everyone has a filling supper. I don't know how tight you are but if you can that would be an area that I would spend more. I'm a little crazy but I do try to have options so I can know that all kids filled up.
Regarding the snacks and yogurts I find that it's a great save to buy the big yogurt or the big snacks. It's literally the same food for so much cheaper. Snack bags went up like crazy. I can bh before it but stopped buying it. I big large bags and I bought bag clips and something bags. Most of my friends do the same.
Doritos and other expensive bags are a big treat and doesn't need to be available daily.
I'm sorry that you're working so hard and can't shop with ease. Hashem should help you should have an abundance of everything you need.
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amother
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Today at 1:22 am
| amother OP wrote: | I started this on Friday and then had to get ready for Shabbos:
So we really do buy bare-minimum most times. I'm talking generic chips, pretzels, generic oreos, and Fruit by The Foot because we get it from Costco. But after a while they get bored. They want "pringles" or "popcorners". We never buy "snack bags"--those are only for trips, or I get one case of veggie straws through subscribe n save (and that's because even if we get the big bag from Costco on our 1-2 trips per month they will be gone way too fast). "Special snacks" are fruit cups/applesauce cups, puddings, bamba (which has to be an at home snack because of school rules), instead of single-serve yogurts we buy tubs of yogurt and add our own m&ms . We usually have an after-school snack because we are both working, we have to do supper later, but it works better because my kids are not early-birds so otherwise they are hungry before bed. This summer I treated my kids to "Prezilla rolls" because they were getting bored of the same sandwiches every day (we don't get lunches in school).
Most of our "dinners" when he makes it become "plain pasta" and you can add cheese, or not. If we do rice, then you can put it on a tortilla and add fake meat, cheese. Really bare minimum. We don't usually SERVE veggies as part of supper but we usually have carrots, celery, apples, oranges, bananas and sometimes other veggies and the kids all help themselves. We would have cheese sticks as well, though since Kraft recently lost their reliable hechsher that one hurts and I'm not sure what will replace it. I have kids who "don't like noodles". I have kids who "don't like rice", I have kids who "don't like potatoes". There are very few foods that all 6 kids like so I try to find a medium. We only have chicken/fleishgs as "shabbos leftovers"--and we buy 1 8pc chicken per week, and the kids get chicken nuggets and hot dogs (that they like). The only processed foods/pre-made foods we buy are fish sticks, pizza snaps like once a month, bagels, pitas, and french fries. It's not like I'm stocking up on frozen entrees. We don't even buy frozen pizza, we get ready made pizza dough and make our own. I work full time with 7 kids I need SOMETHING for "easy suppers"
I too don't want them to feel deprived because with our income we shouldn't have to live like paupers, but I honestly don't know why our budget stinks (yes I'm aware of my finances and we don't really buy much so I don't know why our standard of living seems to be below everyone elses) |
That’s doesn’t sound like a real supper. Op, that’s the biggest problem, your kids need a real supper. A proper protein, starch and vegetable. Plain noodles isn’t supper.
I’m not fancy but a kid needs more for supper than plain noodles or rice nightly.
Scrambled eggs, pita and cut up tomatoes is a simple supper but it is a supper. A better supper would be some sort of chicken, rice and green beans for example.
Maybe you and dh can brainstorm ways for your kids to have a more real supper and everyone will feel better and fuller. Good luck.
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amother
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Today at 1:26 am
| MommyPhD wrote: | | That's a bit mean, isn't it? I would also wonder where all the money was going with two parents working FT. |
Um she has 7 kids under 10! I don’t need to wonder where it’s going, someone would need to be earning a ton to live comfortably with that family size. I’m struggling and I only have 3 kids
Honestly OP if you have access to it, I’d suggest using tomchei shabbos until you can get a little more wiggle room. Or see if you’re eligible for food stamps. Something to give you some breathing space
Like someone mentioned it really doesn’t sound like balanced diets for the kids, they should be having veggies and protein with every dinner, ideally
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dankbar
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Today at 1:29 am
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Every week I buy the snack that's on sale in the grocery, this way there's a rotation, and they can have their snack bags for cheaper.
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penguin
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Today at 1:32 am
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I don't want to suggest that a working mother find time to bake, but your two oldest may be old enough to be taught to bake simple cookies and bars (and clean up!)
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