I wish I can shout from the rooftop I hate dd high school

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 10:29 pm

I never knew a school can be so unhealthy and so rigid and so mean and so damaging. I wish I can say the name so that no one will apply there ever.
All the teachers know what’s going on there. Why can they only admit it to some parents but not tell everyone.
They are ruining children all in the name of we need to make ourselves a great name. Banging head

We only care if you look the part. We don’t care about middos. Or yiddishkeit. All the moms are so proud they got in. Noooooo run away. Fast. Only send your kid if she will follow every school rule and never walk out of the box.
I’m so frustrated.
Obviously I can’t say more cuz I’m so grateful I got in and I have more daughters Can't Believe It

amother

↑ Amaranthus

Yesterday at 11:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

It doesn’t work like that in Lakewood. I wish. If I left she would probably be home for the rest of the year.

what do you mean? I'm oot, no family in lakewood so forgive my ignorance. but it's a huge community, I imagine there are dozens of schools for you to choose from. what's keeping you from taking her out for next semester, or at least for next year?

amother

Stone

Yesterday at 11:16 pm

It’s a headache but it is possible to switch. In fact I have a feeling I know which school you’re talking about. I hate it too. And my daughter’s school has multiple girls who switched from that school.

amother

Sage

Yesterday at 11:21 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

There are dozens of schools, but there are thousands of girls, and the schools are full. There are threads every year about the difficulty of being accepted. Switching mid-year is,even harder.

amother

Poinsettia

Today at 12:19 am

Once she is in tenth grade I think it’s fine for a girl to dorm in a different community if necessary.
I have a rule. A child can have a tough year, sometimes that happens. After two tough years it’s probably time to switch schools.

amother

Kiwi

Today at 12:22 am

how can you as her mum keep her in a school like that? how can u think you will send others there? they spend 7+ hrs a day there
.....
I can't understand you.....trying not to be judgy but there must be options. even if it means dorming, bussing, moving.

amother

Crocus

Today at 12:37 am

Maybe the school wasn’t the right fit for ur family? High school in general is a tough transition from elementary. Give it time hopefully things will change. It’s normal for schools to have lots of rules. The teenage years are a turbulent time. Focus on the positives. Is ur daughter doing ok socially?

B'Syata D'Shmya

Today at 2:08 am

PSA do not enroll your dd in a school if she cant or wont or will have difficulty following their rules and standards. You arent doing them any favors. HS is not an ego trip for the parents. Or a line on their shidduch resume.
Do your homework before applying. Because OP is right, in middle of the school year is not the time to leave. You just gotta suck it up (excuse the language).

The same for boys, I know boys put in schools that demand metzuyan level performance from every boy. Lots of pressure. If your son isnt up to it, dont do it to him just so you can crow, oh my son is in that yeshiva...
Additionally, please listen to your children if they say they dont want to go to a certain school, dont ram it down their throats.

OP, I am not saying that you did any of this. Just a PSA cause I see this all the time in others.
Can you try rewarding your dd in other ways for her resilience by going to this school even if she is having challenges. Say an afterschool drama club, art club , sewing lessons whatever.

amother

Lightgreen

Today at 2:32 am

Please consider pulling her out asap if its that bad. She needs parents to do something active if its that precarious of a situation. She needs to feel like an agent in her own life and not a victim who couldn't take care of basic needs, like those of a safe space. Long term damage can happen if she stays stuck in a bad place getting daily h@ll for the next 2/3's of the school year.

Why don't you speak to either a therapist, rav or expert mechanech on how to leave her with the least emotional damage.

amother

Whitewash

Today at 2:41 am

I know a girl who had a very, very miserable time during her 4 years of high school.
I don't think the school is bad, I know girls that do very well there but it was a very bad match for this particular girl. There was a couple of ppl in hanhala who couldn't stand her and made sure to correct her on every "infraction". I won't write anymore details to protect her privacy but right after graduation, she snapped! (A real korban! Crying

)
Op if you truly believe it's not a good match for your dd, move heaven to switch her out. It's very hard to but sometimes can be done. Sometime it's the only solution. Call other schools. Call your rav and ask for help.

amother

Jade

Today at 2:49 am

amother Honeydew wrote:

Hm.

You can totally switch her even for 10th- 11th grade.

My daughter got a new girl this yr from a dif lkwd h.s and 1 girl left to a dif h.s.

It’s not as easy as you make it sound. BTDT. Not giving more details publicly.

amother

NeonPurple

Today at 3:22 am

You say they are focused on looking the part. Are these tznius rules that we are talking about? Are they listed in the student handbook or surprises announced at the whim of the faculty?

Could she maybe just start to follow the rules?

amother

Birch

Today at 3:32 am

amother Kiwi wrote:

You clearly don’t understand the situation in Lakewood. If she pulls her out, she probably won’t get a spot in another school- it literally means homeschooling her, which rarely works for high school girls who want to be in school. Bussing would be over an hour each way to either Edison or Passaic or Philly, and idk if those schools even take lakewood girls. And uprooting a family just to switch 1 kids school is a bit nuts.