Carpool | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:05 pm

Hi we are a few families doing carpool and I notice on the days I do carpool the other kids are not so nice to mine. I dont know what happens the other days but this is really bothering me. should I pull my kid out of the carpool?

amother

Clover

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:31 pm

You can start by talking to your children and asking them about their carpool experiences. If they are unhappy then you have a decision to make. It's not so easy to switch carpools midyear. Are you able to drive to and from school every day? The other carpool parents will likely be upset if you drop out. You can tell them that you are considering it if their children keep treating yours poorly and give them a chance to change for the better. Another thing you can do is reward good behavior by giving out treats or little prizes to kids who behave themselves. Just give them a warning beforehand what constitutes good behavior in your car.

Speaking from experience though, sometimes kids can be really mean. When my oldest was in nursery I carpooled with a bunch of parents of kids one year older in kindergarten. The kids were not nice to my daughter but there weren't any other options for getting her to school every day. I still regret not doing anything about it because she still remembers how mean they were over 10 years later.

amother

DarkYellow ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:37 pm

I think that’s a big jump before trying to work out the problem. This doesn’t send a fantastic message to your child either that when things get tough you up and leave. How old are the kids in the carpool? Is this preschool age?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:38 pm

they behave as in sit, seatbelted but they are not nice to my kid. today they made her cry, shes a strong kid and prob forgot about it once we were home but thye sort of cling tog and leave her out. I can tech drive my kid but is annoying but if that the right thing ill do it

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:40 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

4 year olds, today one was outwardly mean but usually they just dont include her. to me its a carpool thing and removing her from situation is the best.

amother

↑ DarkYellow

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

4 year olds, today one was outwardly mean but usually they just dont include her. to me its a carpool thing and removing her from situation is the best.

The problem is that you made a commitment and the other parents are surely relying on you so that they don’t have to go daily, some may even be working and would be impossible to cover you if you pulled out. I would start by speaking with the other mothers first and let them know this is not acceptable and if it doesn’t improve you will be forced to remove your child from carpool.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:45 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

to me they are kids and kids will be kids....calling the mothers can just make it worse - your kid doesnt include my kids in carpool - sounds petty to me. for now ill drive my day all kids and drive my kid on other days herself if works for me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:47 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

im not telling my kid that the reason im drivng her is bec other kids not nice ill just tell her that it works for to take her so why not?! she'll be more than thrilled

amother

Cornsilk

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:49 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

Actually, I think she's sending a great message to her kid. When ~~things get tough~~ you are not being treated nicely, you get up and leave. Three cheers to OP for wanting to take care of her daughter's feelings and teach her a lesson for life.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:49 pm

just curious what do pple do in this situation? I was really sad for her that she goes through this. they are not in her class and she loves school and has a lot of friends in her class but carpool just not working for her

Seashell ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

im not telling my kid that the reason im drivng her is bec other kids not nice ill just tell her that it works for to take her so why not?! she'll be more than thrilled

If u can do this I think you should.

↑ Seashell

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Was gonna ask if it's a school issue too bec then I'd think maybe she needs better social skills. But if no issues in her class def no reason to keep her in this carpool if you have the possibility to pick her up yourself. I think you should be open with the other mothers though. U can tell them they are just kids and u are not blaming them, but it's not fair to put your daughter through this. And unless u have a way of making sure they don't hurt her in your car -you shouldn't be taking them your day either. Your daughters emotional health comes first. These things can have long term effects. I still remember vividly kids being mean to me when I was 6, and I don't have a great memory.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 7:57 pm

I think dealing with it at this age isn't about social skills training for your daughter but about collaborating with the other mothers. Maybe you can arrange some play dates with all the kids together to help her feel part of the gang. Maybe you can say specific things the kids do and ask the mothers to be on top of stopping it. Maybe there needs to be a story tape on or the kids should play a game with the mother like naming colors or something so they stay busy and don't bother her.

If the other mothers aren't willing, you would be right to pull her out. But this would be giving it a fair try first.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 8:01 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

to me that making a big deal when I dont have to

esther7

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 9:09 pm

I agree with this. They're so young, definitely try get input from the mothers first.
Just to give some perspective from the other side...
When my DD was that age, her Morah told me she wasn't being nice to one of the younger girls in the class. I was upset the Morah hadn't told me sooner. Spoke with my daughter to understand what was going on, and gave her some new info and tools. Took a bit more discussion and guidance but she totally improved. She's not a mean kid, just a regular kid learning to navigate social situations.
So yes, at this age, it's definitely worth it to try to speak to the mothers,let them know what's going on and see if they can help you out. Make a few playdates/meet in the park, and if that doesn't help then go to your plan B.

amother Burgundy wrote: