Sisters sharing a room - question

amother

↑ OP

Today at 12:08 am

Elfrida wrote:

At fourteen, waiting until.shr matures is a long term project. It's likely to be at least two or three years before she's willing to look at something like this from a wider angle.

You cant wait to rearrange the rooms until she either matures or leaves for seminary.

Agghh what's the magic age of maturity? I've been waiting a while and it's taking so long!

amother

Nemesia

Today at 12:15 am

amother OP wrote:

Agghh what's the magic age of maturity? I've been waiting a while and it's taking so long!

If you're lucky, 17 or 18. If not, you might have to wait until 19 or 20. At 14 the hardest years are just starting. I have many daughters and 13-16 were the worst years for all of them.

amother

Clematis

Today at 12:18 am

Is it an option for the 11 and 14yr old to move into the older boys room since it's a bigger room and they can have more space there?

I totally get you btw. I have a very rigid 14yr old and it's really hard to throw these type of changes at them. I'd also worry that she'd be mean to my 11yr old if they shared a room and the 14yr old was upset about it.

amother

Lemonlime

Today at 1:03 am

I also have a 14 year old dd and I get it.

It’s very hard when you have to lay down the law and they don’t like it.

That said, imo you can push it off either till he turns 9 or till your 11 yo starts showing some physical maturity (or starts to be uncomfortable sharing with a boy).

And you can tell your 14 yo, that she can have a reprieve temporarily but when you say it’s over it’s over.

IMO it’s totally fine for your 8 yo to share with a 4 yo sister.

camp123

Today at 3:13 am

I think bc you weren't firm enough in the beginning that this what is happening and she sees that you aren't sure you should leave it for this year.
I would say to her, I can see this is really hard for you. I told you it was a trial so I respect that you don't want it. However, you have to understand that when your brother turns nine there is no other option and you still have to share with eight year old sister. So you have one more year and that's it.
Next year be very firm, no wavering, she knows it's going to happen.
A year after that you will probably be able to the then ten year old boy with his older brothers.
I wouldn't let your daughter think she got away with refusing to share with the eleven year old but I also wouldn't have a confrontation about this right now.

amother

Starflower

Today at 3:18 am

oy OP, when you post on a forum like this, people will give you all sorts of advice based on their own experience, not yours.

Please don't listen to everyone telling you you are wrong and to make a decision your DD has to listen to.

Only you know how she reacts and whether it's worth it.

We have had similar situations and have made all sorts of arrangements to make things work.

You know your kids and know where to push and pull. You can take everything said here into consideration, but don't let the majority of an anonymous posting site sway you against what you know because of your experience or intuition.

imaima ↓

Today at 3:20 am

amother OP wrote:

I have a 14.5 year old daughter who has been sharing a room with her 4 year old sister for the past 3 years. I also have an 11 year old daughter who has been sharing a room with my almost 8 year old son. These are my 4 youngest children and there are 2 rooms available for them.
The 14 & 11 year old get along decently well, occasionally fighting but not terrible.
I've been trying to get the 14 & 11 year old to share a room for a while, but my 14 year old is very strong minded and will not agree. I've pushed it off for over a year,+, with the hopes that she will mature and be more agreeable.
Recently I feel like its really not right for my 11yr old to be sharing with such a big boy and I very strongly told my 14yr old that we are going to make a trial for a few days, not committing to anything. She was extremely unhappy about it , but got through it and everything went fine, the 11yr old cleaned her room for her and wasn't annoying....
Come this week, after the trial and she's once a again furious, stating that she is not doing this and it was just a trial. She said it wasn't to bad, but she still wants no part of it.
She has an extremely black and white way of seeing things and can't see things outside of her little narrow box..
I've told her, we will make her room nicer, buy a new dresser,organize it properly, so that both of their stuff fits in well etc...
Looking for advice as to weather or not I should push the matter further and make her very upset or just let it go until one day she matures....
.

Your 11 year old cannot be on her best behavior all the time. She also needs to live and breath. I think your 14 yesr old will have to deal with it

↑ imaima

Today at 3:21 am

amother OP wrote:

I was very firm with her about the trial, she was not happy with me at all. I am not a pushover generally. I'm just questioning if it's worth making her so upset about and also damaging our relationship for the short term.
She is very self absorbed and very strong about what she wants. She doesn't not back down easily with out a fight.

Why is it a trial if you literally have no more rooms? It’s a fact. You are shortchanging your other kids