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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Yesterday at 8:00 pm
I have a 14.5 year old daughter who has been sharing a room with her 4 year old sister for the past 3 years. I also have an 11 year old daughter who has been sharing a room with my almost 8 year old son. These are my 4 youngest children and there are 2 rooms available for them.
The 14 & 11 year old get along decently well, occasionally fighting but not terrible.
I've been trying to get the 14 & 11 year old to share a room for a while, but my 14 year old is very strong minded and will not agree. I've pushed it off for over a year,+, with the hopes that she will mature and be more agreeable.
Recently I feel like its really not right for my 11yr old to be sharing with such a big boy and I very strongly told my 14yr old that we are going to make a trial for a few days, not committing to anything. She was extremely unhappy about it , but got through it and everything went fine, the 11yr old cleaned her room for her and wasn't annoying....
Come this week, after the trial and she's once a again furious, stating that she is not doing this and it was just a trial. She said it wasn't to bad, but she still wants no part of it.
She has an extremely black and white way of seeing things and can't see things outside of her little narrow box..
I've told her, we will make her room nicer, buy a new dresser,organize it properly, so that both of their stuff fits in well etc...
Looking for advice as to weather or not I should push the matter further and make her very upset or just let it go until one day she matures....
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amother
Cobalt
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Yesterday at 8:03 pm
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I think you should try to help her be as happy as possible with the arrangement, but be firm that your son needs his own room. She will adjust.
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giftedmom
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Yesterday at 8:07 pm
You’re being too wishy washy about this. You are the boss in your home. You get to say who sleeps where. You’re bending over backwards and she’s taking advantage.
I’m not saying to be mean. But you need to be firm. Don’t let her push you around like this.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:08 pm
Honestly, not sure why it was even brought up as a "trial" to give her room to think it was temporary.
At 14 she should understand that its not appropriate for he sister to be sharing a room with her brother. Maybe the younger 2 can share. But it should be matter-of-fact.
This is what's happening, not really a discussion.
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emee2
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Yesterday at 8:11 pm
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I agree with the above. Decide what you want and tell her. I would give her some notice, like we are going to be doing the move in 2 weeks. If you want to be nice you can give her a budget to decorate with but that’s the end of the discussion.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:11 pm
| giftedmom wrote: | You’re being too wishy washy about this. You are the boss in your home. You get to say who sleeps where. You’re bending over backwards and she’s taking advantage.
I’m not saying to be mean. But you need to be firm. Don’t let her push you around like this. |
I was very firm with her about the trial, she was not happy with me at all. I am not a pushover generally. I'm just questioning if it's worth making her so upset about and also damaging our relationship for the short term.
She is very self absorbed and very strong about what she wants. She doesn't not back down easily with out a fight.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:12 pm
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It’s not a discussion period. She is going to have to accept. I’d stop even trying to bribe her. She realizes it’s negotiable but it’s not. She’ll sulk for a a few days and she’ll get over it.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:13 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I always very firm with her about the trial, she was not happy with me at all. I am not a pushover generally. I'm just questioning if it's worth making her so upset about and also damaging our relationship for the short term.
She is very self absorbed and very strong about what she wants. She doesn't not back down easily with out a fight. |
The other bedroom sharing is not appropriate so it can’t be a discussion and it’s really just too bad on her.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:13 pm
| amother Carnation wrote: | Honestly, not sure why it was even brought up as a "trial" to give her room to think it was temporary.
At 14 she should understand that its not appropriate for he sister to be sharing a room with her brother. Maybe the younger 2 can share. But it should be matter-of-fact.
This is what's happening, not really a discussion. |
Yes, for now I was planning on the younger two sharing.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:17 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I was very firm with her about the trial, she was not happy with me at all. I am not a pushover generally. I'm just questioning if it's worth making her so upset about and also damaging our relationship for the short term.
She is very self absorbed and very strong about what she wants. She doesn't not back down easily with out a fight. |
But what do you mean by this? What is the other option?
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:21 pm
The other option is keeping the 11 year old with the 8 yr old. She is more chilled and although she does want to switch rooms, she is somewhat ok with staying. ( We recently made the room nicer for her with new paint and furniture...)
I also have 2 high school bochrim, so my 8 yr old could technically go with them ( they have a big room) but it would be complicated because their alarm rings early and I do not want him waking up so early.
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kenz
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Yesterday at 8:23 pm
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I had 2 girls sharing a pretty small room and while they were ok with it, they are both the type to need their own space. I bought some curtains and separated the room with a wire kit so they could open it and close it as they desired. It was a very good solution for their room sharing but needing more privacy. Maybe you can do something like that.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:23 pm
| amother OP wrote: | The other option is keeping the 11 year old with the 8 yr old. She is more chilled and although she does want to switch rooms, she is somewhat ok with staying. ( We recently made the room nicer for her with new paint and furniture...)
I also have 2 high school bochrim, so my 8 yr old could technically go with them ( they have a big room) but it would be complicated because their alarm rings early and I do not want him waking up so early. |
I don't think this is a real option. Definitely not after he turns 9, anyhow.
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amother
Lightcoral
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Yesterday at 8:23 pm
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OP I have a dd like yours. Very rigid. Almost asd-like. I don't think posters are getting what's it like.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:31 pm
| amother Lightcoral wrote: | | OP I have a dd like yours. Very rigid. Almost asd-like. I don't think posters are getting what's it like. |
Thank you for the validation, it is very hard and I think also now with teen hormones she gets more angry and upset if she doesn't get what she wants. She can't see anyone but herself. Not easy for me to deal with..and I don't want to ruin my relationship with her by forcing this on her
When she is so strongly against it.
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amother
Buttercup
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Yesterday at 8:33 pm
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I would put the 8 year old with the bachurim.
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gr82no
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Yesterday at 8:35 pm
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I would try to find a way for your 8 yr old to move in with your older boys.
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simcha12plus
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Yesterday at 8:37 pm
I would put the 8 year old with bochurim. he will quickly learn to ignore the alarm.
He is already getting too old to be with a four year old sister
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Elfrida
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Yesterday at 8:51 pm
At fourteen, waiting until.shr matures is a long term project. It's likely to be at least two or three years before she's willing to look at something like this from a wider angle.
You cant wait to rearrange the rooms until she either matures or leaves for seminary.
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groisamomma
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Yesterday at 8:56 pm
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An 8 year old boy shouldn't be sharing a room with a girl. Rather let him learn to get used to the alarm. He'll wake up for a few days and quickly learn to ignore it. Leave your 4- and 14-year-olds together and let your sunny and sweet 11-year-old have her own room.
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