Do you really not have a favorite child?

OddoneOut1 ↓

Today at 4:37 am

My kids all drive me crazy in different ways, but also amaze me by their personalities, abilities, talents, their genetic resemblance to me or dh...
Of course one child will be "easier,' funnier, smarter, prettier...but how does that make me like them more or choose them as a favorite???
I get that a difficult child can make loving them unconditionally a huge challenge, but that's different from specifically having a FAVORITE child amongst the rest.
We have to be able to see ma'alos of each child individually and appreciate what they bring to the table

↑ OddoneOut1

Today at 4:44 am

amother Coral wrote:

I'm curious to know how old your children are.
I was also once the person who couldn't understand how a mother could be irritated by their own child.

I'm presuming you have never had a child with serious challenges or disabilities. Or teenagers.

Yes our children are the light of our lives.
We are obsessed with all of them.

and no, our hearts do not light up equally with joy at the thought of each one.
How can you compare a sweet uncomplicated 3 year old to a teenager who is getting up to who knows what.
We love them equally, we equally want the best for them, but yes it is more pleasant to spend time with different children at different stages of their lives.

\

So really you are in agreement with posters who strongly disagree that there can be a favorite child.
I only have younger kids, but the child who is more difficult to reach, connect with, emotionally regulate can irritate me tremendously, but I don't love him less than his siblings, and I don't choose a favorite from the others.

Can everyone please be clear in delineating between having a child that challenges us to our very core and favoring a child- they are two very different things.
I agree with you that no one should be judged for struggling to connect with a child (but should make efforts to bridge the divide), but that doesn't take away from the devastation of a "favorite" child.

↑ mommy3b2c

Today at 4:48 am

amother Coral wrote:

My oldest is 18. And I didn’t say people can’t connect with some more easily, or even “like” one more , but to love a child more ? To favor them ? To treat them differently? That is horrible .

amother

Lotus

Today at 5:09 am

amother Coral wrote:

I'm not mommy3b2c, but I have children with serious challenges, some more serious than others. One with anxiety (not such a big deal but has been complicated at certain times), one with bipolar disorder (more of a bigger deal) and one with ADHD (believe it or not, more challenging than bipolar disorder). My children are the light of our lives, and we enjoy every one of them. Yes, there have been challenging and frustrating moments, but we love each of them for who they are and their personal strengths. They each bring us joy in different ways.

amother

Hydrangea

Today at 6:41 am

I dont have a favorite child. How can I? It's seems like I don't even understand the concept. Some of my kids have disabilities and challenges and some not but it literally makes no difference in the love I feel for them. I agree, when I look at them my heart explodes with love. I can't believe they are all mine and I cherish each one. I don't think it makes me a better person. I'm grateful that I am this way naturally because I think it is a gift.

amother

↑ Cinnamon

Today at 6:59 am

I feel like the concept of having a favorite child is more common among people who have kids every year. With large families. For me my children are three or four years apart depending on if I felt ready for another child. I have 5 kids and love them all equally.

amother

Snowdrop

Today at 7:41 am

I love all my kids equally. In fact I kinda have a soft spot for the more challenging ones because I know they're struggling. But having a soft spot doesn't mean I love them more.

I think the concept of favoring a child is really that it's easier to SHOW love to children who are easier to parent, so that may be a reason a parent believes they love one child over the other. I think the best way to test to see if you really love your children equally would be to think that if you were c"v put to a test to have to save your children and would you save one child over the other... I think every mother can say they would never be able to choose one over the other. Each child is a part of you and you'd literally put your own life at risk equally for each one.

Anyway, I have one child I favor least-- and that's my inner child. I definitely need to pay more attention to her, because I tend to forget about her many times...

amother

Hibiscus

Today at 10:54 am

I do not have a favorite child.
An easiest child? Yes
A most challenging child? OH yes lol
A child I ENJOY spending time with most? Yes
A child I can relate to the most? Yes
A baby I want to soak up all day long? Yes

Each question refers to a different child of mine. I don’t favor one over the other. They each have their “things” and def can be easier to love at certain times, but there’s no one in particular that I find my favorite.

amother

Impatiens

Today at 10:56 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Maybe, but I have more than 10 and I can't think of any child that is my favorite. I think they are all incredible people.

Tao

Today at 1:48 pm

I always thought it was ridiculous when parents said "I don't have a favorite." I mean, how is that even possible? No way can you have more than one kid and not have one you prefer!
But then I had kids, and my kids are literally so different, I can't even compare them. It's like saying, which do you prefer, water or oxygen? I genuinely don't have a favorite. (Although I do have one I sometimes want to leave on my neighbor's doorstep until he's fully grown. But then he goes to sleep, and wakes up and is always angelic in the mornings after a good night's sleep, and super lovable and adorable and I'm glad I kept him after all Laugh

#BestBubby

Today at 1:55 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I think it is possible to have a favorite child without showing any favoritism.

I don't think OP was referring to openly favoring one child.

The Torah teaches us that is wrong. Because Yakov showed favoritism to Yosef, a terrible tragedy occurred and all Jews went down to Golus Mitzrayim.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 2:10 pm

My question wasn’t if you love one more child than another… because like a previous poster mentioned, if you had to save one child I don’t think any mother would be able to choose one over any other…

I meant a favorite as in one you “like” most- like their personality, like spending time with them more, like how they make you feel more than the others…

But interesting replies and lots to think about!